Dealing with Life

Second week. Things are slightly better now. I guess the main reason is because there is not so much physical pain now. It makes so much a difference when you are in pain and when you are not. You just can't do anything when the stitches hurt so much, or when the nipples hurt, and your whole world is filled with pain with each breath you take.

No wonder there is a shift towards the importance of pain management.

I'm getting used to many things now. Feeding baby at night isn't really so much of a problem. One just needs to conquer that 5 minutes between the sleeping and waking transition. Once fully awake, I can function pretty humanly, otherwise I just want to go back to sleep and will feel extremely grumpy. Dear baby, thank god, doesn't really fuss too much. And he's pretty regular in his feeding times too.

I'm getting massages for my neck and shoulders and it really makes a difference. Even with neck rolls during feedings, stretching and all that, just a simple hand-healing touch makes life brighter. I miss yoga. Perhaps I shall do a little on my own first. Not sure if I'll have the time to go out for yoga classes.

*
Traditions and cultures. The Chinese believe that it's not good to bathe during the confinement month, and all those food with lots of ginger and sesame seed oil. I'm bathing everyday. heh. Perhaps I shall get rheumatism when I'm old, then all those wise old women would say serve you right. Mom doesn't mind/bother with what I'm doing. At the end of the one week, she told me, okie you can go and bathe today. Then she paused, and exclaimed, what am I saying! Confinement month not supposed to bathe! And I told her calmly, Hello ... I've been bathing everyday since I got back. :P

The Malays would wrap up their women in Jamu oil, and massage the uterus back into shape. I'm doing that too. Not sure if it really helps. I just needed the massage to relax. heh. But they encourage bathing. They don't take all those ginger and stuffs, but they have their own herbs and stories. She told me the Japanese don't even do any confinement! And I think neither do caucasions right?

So every culture has their own beliefs. And we are all the same human beings. So what do you believe in? Perhaps that's the most important.

I believe that the not bathing part from the Chinese comes from way back in China, when the women after childbirth dies from pneunomia related illness when they fall sick after childbirth especially when they bathe and catch the death of a cold. Remember that it can be very cold there, especially the poor farmers, and they can be very poor too. Things are definitely different here and today.

***
Perhaps the only thing one has to deal with is the stress and depression of life's everchanging capricious moments. What would happen one month down? What would happen three months down? Where are we going and what are we doing? Will we be able to cope? Or do we simply avoid the issues and pretend that things are not going to change? And the uncertainty and unhappiness slowly gather underneath the surface, bottled up and no way to escape. And the music would stop.

*****
Baby is sleeping very soundly now. There are two modes of baby after his feeding. One is that he takes his milk, we burp and cuddle him, change his diapers and he nods off to dreamland. The other mode that he takes his milk, we burp and cuddle him, change his diapers and he becomes super wide awake and bright-eyed, and refuses to be put to sleep. I think for that mom is really good with him. She would carry him around and eventually he'll doze off. Now, the second mode is good when it happens in the day. Not at night. But baby knows no time. And he's in that mode from 11pm to 3am. And that is when I'm the most tired. Since I'm a morning person, not a night person. :P

What am I going to do? *head bangs wall*

The past one week

Monday
A normal check up ended up with us going straight down to the hospital. Well, not straight down, we went home to pack, cooked dear hubby a quick lunch, cleared a quick nervous stomachache and ended up Doc waiting for the patient, not the other way round.

:P

So there I was, still smsing my friends, and chatting on the phone while lying propped on the pillows, when the nurse came in to check one more time, and she exclaimed, it's time to start pushing!

Right.

The epidural worked so well, although I was poked too many times. We have now officially changed our status to daddy and mummy. :)

For remembrance, baby is bright-eyed and alert, has fine healthy lungs and he's really really cute. :)

He has hubby's nose, my ears; Dad says mouth like hubby's, people says eyes like me. Hmm, they do a thousand and one changes, so we'll see. He definitely has daddy's long legs, and yep ... my big foot.

***
I felt that the doc was somewhat impatient to get baby out so soon. I remembered feeling a bit abused, and bullied that baby has to come out. It was nice to have baby in tummy. All that lovely touch and thoughts one gets when one rubs the tummy. He was doing perfectly fine, and only PM agreed with me to do it naturally. During the waiting time, I was feeling rather resentful and slightly unhappy. Somehow her reasons weren't clear enough, and sometimes I would feel that way even.

However, there is a certain great relief that all this is over, and one good thing about all this is that now dearest hubby would be around longer to take care of baby and me. And most importantly, everything is all right.

Tuesday
Pain, pain, pain.

I swear that the afterbirth was so much more painful than during birth. My back hurt from all that holes I was poked on! I couldn't sit properly up, and breastfeeding hurt too. Everything hurt so much and for a while in the morning when I was alone, I just couldn't handle so many things.

In the afternoon, the sister came in and asked ever so sweetly, would you like some painkillers? Huh? You mean I can have painkillers one ah! Duh. Why did I not ask for any? :P

Okie, so I'm not so immune to pain too.

Wednesday to Sunday
The days passed by ever so quickly. There are so many things to get used to. Breastfeeding really hurts, no one ever tells me that. Fortunately, the worst has come and gone, and I've quite gotten the hang of that. Baby has extremely strong jaws and will clamp on them, hard. Ouch. But it seems ever so satisfying, still. And I wouldn't know what to do without dearest hubby. He would change the diapers after the feeds, and it's so nice to see him sleeping with baby, with baby on top him. Love him ever so! :)

Had to 'teach' him how to carry baby properly though. He was wondering why baby didn't stop crying when he picked him up, and I showed him to hold baby in a way close to his body, and pat him, sing to him and sway a little. Hubby tried. The holding was perfect. I laughed when I saw him patting baby. Pat dear, not smack. And dear hubby looked so cute dancing in step with baby. :)

Some things to remember:
Baby burps sounding exactly like his daddy. He loves sleeping on his tummy on top of me, or rather he simply loves sleeping on top of us.

Baby is learning to smile nowadays. He would try lifting up one side of his mouth and grin, then quickly looked innocently away. Baby smiles in his light sleep, especially when he hears our voices.

When he phuts (farts and poos, that is ... they sound like phut when they come out) between feeds, he would stop in the middle of sucklng and concentrate real hard to get that really loud phuuuuut out. Then he would go back to his sucking and pretended nothing has happened.

Baby cries like an alarm clock. He goes from quiet hnnhnnhnnhnn to normal loudness hnnhnnhnn to loud wahwahwah, and only very rarely when he's really angry and upset that he'll scream his lungs out. But he quietens down very quickly. Such a good baby eh? :)

Nowadays he seems to be sleeping so well at night, until I have to wake him up to feed him! Not sure if that is supposed to be worrying or not, but it does give me some control over my sleep. It's easier to wake up and feed baby than to be woken up rudely by his crying and feeling too sleepy to move.

And saying that, I should be getting back to sleep before his next feed. :P

***
One last note:
Perhaps old wife's tales are true. I came home and headed straight for a hot shower. Cannot stand it, stressed what. Came out and felt decidedly light-headed, and weak. Had to lie in bed for a while. :P I'm feeling achy and headachy now. Perhaps that is due to carrying baby and hunching over him and all those bad postures. But who knows right? *bleah*

The little black spots in front of your eyes

So we have finally gotten a new camera. Woohoo! :) I hope I'm doing the transfer of data correctly. Have not tried taking many photos yet, but here's a couple.


This was what we had for dinner tonight. If you looked carefully at the vege, you'll see little black spots. Nope, they aren't the black spots you see in front of your eyes. I burnt all the garlic tonight. boohoo. Someone was having a bit of a tummyache what, so it makes sense to take in some extra carbon for the pains eh?

*bleah*

Okie, lesson learnt. Wok was too hot and I was too impatient. And most importantly, must put in the conpoy first before the garlic.

This is the tiny kitchen I work in. Still trying to make it pretty. :) The refrigerator is right up against the wall on the left of the door. So small eh?


***
Wow, looking at the pictures, I'm quite impressed with the quality. heh heh. Time to take more photos! Time to revamp the blog! Must learn new stuffs man ... what a pain.

We seem to be fighting a losing battle with the ants in the house. Everyday I see little black spots in front of my eyes. It's quite irritating. I clean and clean and clean and still they come. *mutter* I should bait them out and find their little hidey hole one day.

***
Was reading some old newspapers earlier. Was ranting to hubby about an article earlier. Am afraid I can't even blog about it. That's what this place is like. *zipped*

One word too many

If only everyone would just say one word less.

Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. Say your piece and leave in peace. Why be so adamant that it must be heard? And so it degenerates. Terrible.

***
If I had played ps2 in the morning today, dearest hubby wouldn't have a nice lunch and dinner today. heh heh. Good thing that my thumb is hurting from last night. Not that I played a lot, just that I think I cut my fingernails a little too short, and all that pressing on the pad just hurt my thumb a little.

Isn't it a blessing in disguise? :P

And no, I wasn't very kancheong either. I'm cool ... when it comes to killing monsters. heh heh.

But still ... ouch.

***
You know that hubby loves you when he protested loudly that what the ... is that horrible smell coming from!?!

And you know jolly well where it came from, so you let him take a deep breath in it. *grins* And he spluttered and moaned and shrieked that you're killing him.

:P

Actually I don't like the Goatmilk fragance too. It's really not my type. But Wen gave it to me, and I can't like throw it away right? The only flavour I liked from Crabtree and Evelyn is the Sonoma Valley range. And only the handcream. The other one is the Gardener flavour, and that is very moisturising indeed. She gave me one whole box set of handcream last year Christmas, and I've not even used any yet. Haven't even finish the one I bought for myself!

Hubby said to throw away the Goatmilk one. :P *rolls eyes* I think I got two tubes of that!

***
I guess poor baby is not getting enough from me. So from today onwards, I shall eat more. Just had bread and milo. Not that I feel extremely hungry. But dinner was very early at 5pm, and I had a swim, so just thought I'd take something. Perhaps I'm just not eating enough for two. Poor dear baby.

I think I shall eat a bit more later too. Yep, still can eat if I put my mind to it. :P

Scorching

Bam! Wing! Wham! Good god. I think they are dismantling the gondola. But it seems that they're just throwing everything around the roof. I won't be surprised if there are holes on the ground after that. Grrrr.

So damn hot today. Must go swim. :) Just a walk to the nearest provision shop leaves me totally wet. Self-preservation prevents me from jumping straight into the pool. I'll get too dark. heh. Swim later.

Lunch was tofu with minced meat and eggs. Hmm, a little under-estimating in the amount. Dinner will be my favourite kind of chicken and vege. All prepared. Yay! :D Now I'm smart, will prepare everything in the afternoon so don't have to do it twice. Just have to cook later. Can go swim too. heh.

What else was it that I wanted to write about? Forgot, too hot to think!

There is a fish.

Well, in case you're asking ... nope, we've decided not to induce after all. :P

Anyway, latest haul: foot cream and scrub. :) Have been waiting soooo long for the sale. Next round Thursday and Friday, most likely. I would always try to stock up my stuffs whenever there is a sale. Makes more sense, ya?

And you know that dearest hubby loves you when he tells you straight to your face that your breath smells of smelly sour feet. After sniffing all over you to find out where that sniff of a smell comes from.

*mutter*

And you take revenge by laughing at him when he gets killed by the dragon. So easy also can die, and so kancheong for what. And you snatched the controller off him and showed him the *correct* way of killing monsters.

*sniff*

And you roll your eyes right up into your head at all the rooms he missed or left unexplored. Perhaps it's time to get the walkthrough? :P

I love him. :) Still. *bleah*

Headless Chicken

The good doc said that since I don't seem to be gaining any weight, baby has got to come out ... soon. We set a lovely date, but guess what. I'm freaking out.

It's too soon!!!!

Arrgh. *runs around like Headless Chicken*

Damn, not prepared yet.

What else do we need?

Gotta buy:
A mattress for baby. A piece of water-proof cloth for baby (to sleep on the bed). Towels for baby (to bathe). Diapers? Baby shampoo and soap (gonna get them from Wen on Thurs). ... What else is needed? Bath tub? They say the hospital will give one. Really? Baby's room not ready yet!

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

Also gotta buy:
Mattress for Mom for her to sleep when she stay over for the one month. Mattress for Grandma who has to come over too.

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

And I want to do more shopping this week. Got sale leh!

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

...

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

Does baby really need to come out so soon? Asked PM, who said not necessary, but I forgot to tell her about the static weight gain. *bleah*

*runs around like Headless Chicken*

I think I shall go and have some ice-cream.

P.S: And we've not caught Harry Potter yet! And Chicken Little!

PPS: And we've not gotten our new camera yet!!!

Shopping Spree

Shopping is always fun.

:)

I got these yesterday:

Baking at Home
Cooking at Home

I want these.

And this.

Yep, that's what I want for Christmas. :)

And maybe a proper oven too, so that I can try out all my new recipes. heh heh.

Sekai no Yakusoku; The Promise of the World

namida no oku ni yuragu hohoemi wa
toki no hajime kara no sekai no yakusoku

ima wa hitori demo futari no kinou kara
kyou wa umare kirameku
hajimete atta hi no you ni

omoide no uchi ni anata wa inai
soyokaze to natte hoho ni furetekuru

komorebi no gogo no wakare no ato mo
kesshite owaranai sekai no yakusoku

ima wa hitori demo ashita wa kagirinai
anata ga oshietekureta
yoru ni hisomu yasashisa

omoide no uchi ni anata wa inai
seseragi no uta ni kono sora no iro ni
hana no kaori ni itsumademo ikite

Lyricist: TANIGAWA Shuntarou
Composer: KIMURA Yumi
Arranger: HISAISHI Joe
Vocalist: BAISHOU Chieko

All I want is this song to be sung by Kimura Yumi.

Forgotten Little Things and New Resolutions

How could I have forgotten? I'm still looking for the lovely song Sekai No Yakusoku. Hopefully to be sung by Yumi Kimura. Perhaps I ought to go CD shopping. Sometimes the house is so quiet, and the music is still. Sometimes I really ought to play more music at home. There must be more new beautiful music out there.

I've always only been cooking Chinese only. Time to try out new stuffs. Perhaps pasta, meatballs, and all kinds of Western stuffs? Perhaps baking too? Strange desserts and all that? Hmm, can the microwave oven bake?

And there are still a few baby stuffs to get. Oh, what are they? What else do we need? Poor baby, nothing much for him yet. Procastination, that's it.

Sometimes I think dear hubby and I should be more adventurous. We always go back to the same place to eat, where we know it's cheap and safe. Perhaps we should try elseplace. Otherwise it's always homecooked food. And I'm always only making Chinese. Simple. Like dinner for yesterday was simple steamed fish and stir-fry vege. He doesn't complain, but it's starting to feel so monotonous. Mundane. A little change might be interesting.

Perhaps I shall buy Japanese rice and make sushi. :P Perhaps I shall try a little baking before baby comes.

*sigh*

May the twain shalt meet

Dear hubby is a night person. He spends his night manufacturing stuffs and trading them, fighting monsters and ... ahem, well, basically pushing mouse. Poor mouse is a little dead. That's the problem with rechargable batteries!

Me? I'm a morning person. I've woken up when the sky was still dusky, showered, breakfast, read the daily blogs, and will try to clear up the study desk later. It's always messy, somehow.

It'll be another quiet day today.

Hopefully we should be getting our new camera sometime next week. Perhaps I shall revamp this old blog. It looks really boring.

Idle Surfing

This is a lovely blog. :)

And this is something really interesting surfed from the above. :) :)

It's so nice and peaceful listening to Stacy Kent's Dreamsville. And waiting for dear hubby to knock off. It's almost time already. I do miss him when he's not around.

No more cookies

It's December already! Sometimes one just cannot believe how fast time flies. Looking back at what I did last December, hmm ... doesn't seem to be very much either. Was busy with getting ready to move house. This year seems even worse. Very boring actually.

And one interesting I found, last year dear hubby was busy playing Half Life 2. This year? He's busy playing some online computer game. *rolls eyes* Some things will never change. Heh. I feel soooo neglected. :P

Anyway, I'm bored to death. Yep. Bored. I guess I need to do things constantly. Find new stuffs to do, being kaypoh or something, or just keep myself meaningfully occupied. It's so easy to fall into a spiral of depression because there doesn't seem to be anything meaningful doing. I mean, all my friends are so busy with their work, and I can't really go out much, and there really isn't much things to do around the house, and I am SOOO unmotivated.

*bleah*

*kok myself*

I think I actually miss going out with Wen. Shessh. It would be nice going for nice English Tea again, but one can't even get to dress up nicely for it. So no point too. *sniff* I guess in Feb then, when she can finally go on leave.

Oh well.

Gubby gubby Friday

There are days when one wakes up and feels like an extremely uncooperative and grouchy wombat. With a sore leg. And that's how it is. It doesn't help that the Sun is shining so happily and HOT, you'd wish that it would just disappear behind a cloud and don't even peek out! You just want to draw the curtains and go back to sleep, but there's breakfast to be made, and there's a lazy cat waiting to be fed.

*bleah*

Thoughts of going yoga is thrown out of the window. It's too hot to get out of the house. hahaha. Not a very good excuse, a better one would be didn't sleep well last night because leg was aching. And it was a damn warm night.

And you're just feeling grouchy and lazy. Because the day is too bright for the eyes.

Nothing can ever be right eh?

Grrr.

Lassitude

12 noon. The swimming pool is even colder than yesterday. Yup, at 12 o'clock noon sharp.

Then again, it was raining before that. But the sun peeked out a little at 12 noon.

I will have to take a break from all this swimming. The water was so cold, I can see my hair standing in the water. It took me two laps to feel slightly warmed, but the wind chill was freezing. Ridiculous! Anyway, I think too much energy has been sapped. I'm feeling damn tired today.

So so tired. Cannot shop anymore. Shopping is so fun! :) Would have loved to shop more.

And no more cookies for a while. I woke up coughing like crazy a while ago. Ack ack. :P

Re-telling

There's always something lost in the retelling of stories. Something which may seemed exciting, furious, passionate may lose some of its ooohm, and a feeling of lassitude palls over your emotions.

So I leaned onto the horn furiously when the F*** of a taxi-driver stopped right in front of me. And we were on the THIRD lane. THIRD!!!! To pick up a passenger. He didn't even have the courtesy or common sense to filter and stop at the side lane! Wah lao, so damn bloody f***ing dangerous! Stupid passenger of course ran out onto the road to the waiting taxi. I wouldn't have been so annoyed but I was in the middle of accelerating and changing lanes, and there could easily had been an accident! How terrible some people are!

And earlier, just a few seconds ago, some dumb jay-walker was running across the road, wearing dark clothings, and I almost missed her too. Bloody f*cking O road and the stupid people on the streets. They want to get killed don't damage my car!

And much much earlier, I was already on tenterhooks because the handbrake wasn't working at all now. And there was a slope I had to stop on. Damn damn and damn.

Oh well .... rant over.

:)

Obsession Three

My mom is the kind of mother who does not believe that her daughter can swim. And can swim quite well too. Gah.

When I say I swim laps, I swim from one end of the pool to the other. Without stopping. And swim seriously I do. Laps. An almost 25m pool that is. Damn, mom really didn't believe that was me swimming from one end to another. Gah.

Gah gah gah.

*sniff*

Heck, when I went to ubud Bali, I swam the infinte pool from one end to another. Deep end some more. I confessed it was rather frightening at the deep end. It was really deep, and my heart did go into my mouth for a while, but I stuck to it, and I swam from end to end. Gah.

Just because I dropped out of swimming classes when I was a kid didn't mean I didn't pick up some swimming skills! Gah.

Although I only know how to swim one way. And I don't think I really learnt how to tread water. :P

Still I could swim. And seriously I did. *sniff*

The water was again freezing cold at 4pm. Perhaps the next time I'll try to swim at noon. :P

Obsession Two.

There has been a conspiracy. Min is trying to kill me.

Last night she gave me a packet of the most delicious Amos cookies ever! Double chocolate with chocolate chips!!

As of 3.30pm today, there is only less than half left in the packet.

Who stole the cookies from the cookie bag?

How can the poor cookie monster say no to cookies eh? There is no stopping. There is no truce. There is no statemate. There is no white flag. There is only .... THE cookies. One after another. The last one I swear, I promise. The last one, no more, no less. But still into the mouth they disappear mysterously.

Did we mention that the recovery from flu was a long drawn out process? That there were two terrible nights of inflamation and much much pain?

There were actually two packets, but wise woman her, took one away. BWAWaawaaaaaaa....

I did not feel a tickle in my throat. Did you?

:P

*****

Obsessive Compulsive Behaviour

Are you the type of person who sits by the phone waiting for it to ring when someone says he/she will call?

Are you the type of person who keeps obsessing about the past and wishing and wondering if things could have been different?

Are you the type of person who keeps opening the mail and checking to see if you have anything?

:P

Nope, I'm not like that, fortunately ... but put me at home for too long with full burst of energy, and I would start to imagine that the floor is dirty. Oh, so the cleaner comes in every week to clean the place, it is quite clean but the floor does feel a little dusty. And the water is taking soooo long to boil. Perhaps I should go and tinkle on the black and white keys, but do you know, the floor does indeed feel a bit dusty. Perhaps I should go and wash my feet, you know ...the dust could be simply on my feet ... but ohhh ... I am so full of energy!

So there I was, on my hands and knees and sometimes even scrapping with my fingernails. Hmm, my parents wouldn't have approved. Dearest hubby would roll his eyes again. I can see him doing it. :P And I think Mom used to do that - the cleaning. Perhaps it's the hormones at this late stage in time. hahaha.

*bleah*

Damn knees creaked. Maybe I should go and swim in the afternoon. It looks like a cold day again today. Would be crazy to swim in the evening! The pool was freezing on Monday! Whoever says I would feel hot all the time!?! I'm so cold most of the time. Gotta bathe hot water too. My little nuclear reactor must be only powering at half efficiency. Ha.

Brrrr ....

I need more chess opponents. Whoever wishes to challenge me to a game, please go here.

*****
Okie, so I am actually procastinating tidying up the last room. That's the gist of it all, really. It's too nice a day to spend the whole day in putting things away right? I shall really (really!) go and swim, then go shop tonight. My favourite fashion shop just called me to tell me that they're having a sale. Must go down and kapoh kapoh a bit what.

:X

Woe be me!

Oh bloody hell ... now I feel even sicker than ever.

Warning: Do not take iron with dairy products or antacids.

rrrriiigggghhht.

So the instruction on the box simply says: 1 tablet to be taken daily.

I was doing perfectly fine without any extra supplements. Okie, so my blood count was a bit lower than normal, but I don't even feel tired or anything. Now my stomach is upset, and I'm feeling really really sick. Hmmm, is that going to be the one and only tablet I'm taking? :P Quite a pity, it's a huge box that hubby dearest bought for me. I guess it has to go.

Now, all I can do is lie in bed and moan a little.

*bleah*

The Bonkers Dating Game

Read this in an article:

He expects you to pay your half of the meal, share the parking fee and even split the cost of condoms.

If it's a first meeting, I guess it's pretty fair to go dutch. Afterall, you might or might not ever want to meet each other again. Then again, I always felt that if the guy asked the gal out, he should be the one paying. Gal should offer though. And if it's a long standing relationship, perhaps it would be nice to take turns paying.

Now, the other two - parking fee and cost of condoms, got me and hubby laughing hysterically. That is only being cheapskate. What a loser! Pathetic! *rolls eyes* *sticks fingers into throat*

Hmm, let's see ... when hubby and I were going out together, I guess both of us were pretty thrifty. We hardly go expensive places unless it's a special occasion, like birthdays or celebrations. Not every date has to be somewhere expensive. Both of us simply prefer somewhere simple and comfortable and as long as food is good. And I guess dear hubby is always too busy with work so have proper dates. I remember after a while, what I did so as to see him was to tabao dinner and supper for him, just to see him. Then when things start being serious, we'll have dinner at home. Home cooked is still da best! heh heh.

Perhaps hardly romantic, but we're happy. And that's what counts the most eh? I don't understand why girls must be wooed with flowers and romantic expensive candlelight dinners and spoilt rotten by the suitors. It seems so shallow. Sincerity is still the best, and that's priceless.

For myself only.

Finally! My holiday officially starts today. Well, at least it feels that way! It was supposed to be last week, but what with conducting workshops and all that ... humf. And of course being able to wake up in the morning and breathe properly!! Heh, it just feels great! :)

Of course I might be going back for some stuffs, but that can wait ... till I feel like it. Then again, do I really want to make a trip back? *bleah*

Anyway, this is what I've been waiting for. Being able to idle at home all by myself. The whole place to me!! Neat, clean, everything's in order :) And all the free time too! I could try out a few new recipes, go for yoga, learn a few new pieces, pick up new hobbies and basically do all sorts of things. Unfortunately, there's a big watermelon involved right now, and it kinda cramps the style. *sigh*

Oh well. Perhaps things were meant to be like that. Damn, I haven't had so much fun for so long. Now, the trick is to plan, plan and plan. To do the most amount of things in the least amount of time, and enjoy it. Lovely weather today ... will swim. :P

I wonder where has Joan gone to. I would have like to learn Shadow Yoga after all this under her. *sigh*

*****
10am.

It is just getting a little hotter. And as such, one's resolve droops just a little. What could be done? Perhaps Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 21 could build in a little cheer in the step. :) Yup, there's always Mozart. Always reminds me of the time when we went to the KLCC to listen to Ashkenazy and the London Philharmonic. Still the best. The first time is always the best. The most impressive. And I've got his big signature all scrawled on my box-set. heh heh.

Perhaps in a while's time I shall go and thaw a bit. Or perhaps I shall practise Chopin's Fantansie Impromptu. Ahhhh .. that horrible piece. I got it straight and now all forgotten. It did impress dearest hubby quite a bit when I could play it. Me? I do so love to be appreciated. :P

And what's it going to be for lunch and dinner today? Still planning ... still planning... arrgh.

***

Wabbit Wabbit

The rabid fan is feeling a bit un-rabidity nowadays. Hardly anything to read, ya?

*bleah*

One and a half hours of ironing! I'm calling it a day. Good night folks. Wake me up when it's time to prepare lunch. Nothing more than instant noodles for today!

Ohh ... my poor head.

I don't need any drinks to give me a hangover.

So what do I want for Christmas? :P

Sunday Morning Fever

So I woke up again this morning with my throat terribly inflamed. Pain pain! Go guggle salt water again. Arrgh

Let's analyse what happened. Last night I was feeling so much better. Thought it was definitely on the road to recovery. Plus parents' cooking. What could be better?

After dinner, thought it might be nice to give myself a treat. Whoops. Pop in three pieces of chocolate, small ones! Honest! And Father bought more tao-sa-pia. Must try try a bit to see good or not mah, then bring some home what. Only three small mouthfulls. hahahaa.

Dearest hubby rolled his eyes at me.

Not going to recover at this rate. hahaha.

*****

Of eternal youth and beauty

This morning, my conspirator smsed me to tell me that she went for microdermabrasion. Hmmm. It seems that she's moving now into the aesthetic beauty of lasers and whatnots. Before that it was chemical peels, but she didn't like it very much. Said the micro very good. Skin very smooth after that. heh ... so what's next? Botox?

My dear conspirator. She's always one step ahead of me. Introduced me to facials, spas, massages and all the high quality of living. Good thing my skin is now in excellent condition, that sometimes I don't even bother washing my face. Arrgh, did I just confess to that? yikes. hahaha. I told her to have a baby too, then she would have nice lovely complexion. Nope, she wasn't very amused at all. :P

And shopping too. She's into expensive bags and shoes and shops which I wouldn't even have stepped into last time. Well, at least I'm spending more on clothes than she has ever had, and that would be my influence towards her.

Anyway, I guess she can afford such high living. She's earning almost twice as much as poor I, no family to feed, and no burden to carry. I give about one-sixth to my parents, and two-sixth to the common account, and what I have left (about half my pay) to pay my own bills plus insurances plus whatever savings I try to save and whatever shopping I do for myself. No wonder I feel broke nowadays! *sigh* Women are such high maintanence creatures. I need to work extra!!! :X

Youth and beauty. We're all getting old. And more conscious of our looks. I think Wen looks perfectly fine. But she's definitely getting paranoid. Her complexion is so much better than many people I've known, yet she's so concerned with the fine lines which I don't really see. Perhaps she's using too much products as it is. It isn't very good after all to put too many chemicals on one's face ya? Oh well. I'd say she's simply has got too much money to spend. hahaha.

Anyway, all women wants to look good. :) Sure hope I can fit into my clothes after this! *bleah*

Theory #9671

I have a theory.

When you go for those flu jabs, you becomre relatively flu-free for the whole year. Strong sia, never fall sick. Want to take mc also cannot.

Then when your vaccine expire, and you did not renew it, the bombshells drop and you get it a thousand times more potent than you have ever experienced.

Compared that to not having flu jabs, and you get little fluish the whole year round. Not really powerful to knock you out completely, but enough to be annoying. The usual cough, sniffles etc, and you recover on your own quickly, with less than a couple days of rest.

This morning, I woke up a while ago to find that my throat is completely inflamed, and cannot swallow anything. Pain like hell. Solution? Guggle salt water, it helps a little.

*sian*

Of course, my theory might be wrong. Maybe the flu bug is getting more powerful nowadays. :P Or my memory is bad, I just don't remember being this sick. *bleah*

What's in it?

To me, putting my thoughts down in words is a way for me to overcome a sense of loneliness or when there's something I want myself to remember I don't quite understand what all that thingy about bloggers and writers are about. It seems all rather silly. Perhaps just to be boleow, and add to the mundane day-to-day gossip, it might be a bit interesting then.

*sigh*

2am. I can't sleep. And there's a reason for it.

Part of it is that I'm sick. And I'm feeling terribly sick. Ok, maybe I'm just exaggerating a little. :P If I'm so terribly sick, I won't be able to write, will I? heh. Perhaps I should have taken that stupid flu jab after all. But nooo ... no need, not going to travel. Damn damn and damn.

It's rather strange how one can feel it sneaking upon you ever so slowly. You stuck yourself to the TV, conscientiously and happily killing monsters and following the walkthrough somewhat, time slowly ticked away, and you didn't want to shut your eyes. Just one more room to explore, you thought. Until the body really really couldn't take it anymore and screamed and finally you listened.

Usual waking time the next day, and strangely enough, bright-eyed and full of adrenaline. The clear before the storm. And finally after lunch, just a little more hungry than usual, and you stuffed yourself just a little bit more, and the full force of the gale finally hit you.

A constriction of the chest, an inflmation of the throat, a heavy head, pain in the joints. You lie in bed, and felt all of them highly intensified. Slowly creeping up, a bit more each time. It's like watching in slow motion the camera paning in onto the flower, where each petal slowly uncurls.

Damn, damn and triple damn.

On a sidenote, I think there are bloody mosqitoes in the house!

*itch itch itch* *@*!&!

Hedonistic Pleasure. Grumpy. Edgey

Dear blog,

I feel sick.

Perhaps I shouldn't have eaten that third packet of chocolate waffle, straight after lunch.

Perhaps I shouldn't have drank the one-day-expired fresh milk, even though Mom would say one day only nevermind.

Perhaps baby was kicking just a little too furiously the whole of yesterday.

Perhaps it was the thought of having to go to work again tomorrow.

But one thing for sure, it's definitely the lack of sleep today. Damn eyes are now like Panda. Just one night. Plus many long hours staring at the TV. Gosh, how I do feel queasy.

And there I was trying to catch up on my winks, the damn phone kept ringing. Can't one just sleep in peace? Hubby yelled at me from below too, especially when I was already dozing off. *mutter*

I'm tired, but I can't get back to sleep. And now my throat is feeling too dry. Thou shalt not touch the ps2 again. ... well, perhaps later, after I've rested a little more. :P

*unrepentent*

I've never spent so much on games before. Am so much motivated to finish it! :P

*
5pm.

It's so difficult for me to get some rest in the afternoon. My parents are here, and it's nice that they offer to cook. However, they're SO NOISY! And they have to keep calling me asking me about stuffs ... like how much rice to cook. HUH? Goodness, I'm sure you pple can decide on your own! I haven't been cooking as long as you have!

And the bloody phone kept ringing. Aiyah ... so irritating.
And my bloody f***ing phone is not receiving/sending smses properly again.
And the stupid lift is making hell of a bloody f***ing noise the whole day.
And I can't really lie down properly because baby kept squriming.
And I feel a cough coming.

Arrrrrgh

*GRUMPY*

*
8pm.

I'm feeling extremely edgey today. The damn low frequency vibes from the machinery is driving me crazy. My throat is feeling ticklish and the cough is getting under my skin. I had to keep convincing mom not to be afraid of those big financial institutions. Why be cowed by them? They are desperately needing you! You! The customer. Ha. Even peanuts they also want, you know. The economy is *that* bad. Didn't you hear their desperate vulturic cries? The last time I even 'scolded' the promoter, because I was so annoyed when she called me the third time. The first time I told her politely I wasn't interested. The second time she called I reminded her nicely that she had called me already and I've told her I wasn't interested. The third time pissed me off. If she can't even keep tabs of who she had called, she deserved to be ticked off.

Perhaps it was the few sips of coffee I stole from mom's cuppa. :P Father always made deliciously sinfully sweet coffee.

I shall remove my nail polish and put on a new coat (if I can). This time the nails were very well done. The stuffs they used sure was expensive! But I guess it's pretty worth it. May go back that place again. :)

Anyway, this is damn hilarious. :P

They actually pulled it off. But if you ask me, I think the guy got the better deal. Imagine two hot gals crooning over your feet. Hahaha. Like, ... was it Caesar? - You may kiss my feet. Next time demand for the complete works - soak, bathed, perfumed, trim, massage and paint. heh. Too good leh.

*
Okie, perhaps the best cure is simply go and kill more baddies. :P

Fragmented thoughts. More stories.

I don't like talking to you. Inefficient. Insincere. Please come to the point.

One can't help but compare.

I've been spoilt by encouraging remarks. Almost friends, positive, professional. And throw in a sense of humour.

Demoralising is the apathy that causes the downfall of happiness. Hmm ... whatever.

*****
During the war, on one occasion, like a black and white photograph, there was a scene which stuck forever in the minds of the survival.

Grandma hugging her oldest baby close to her heart, hand over his mouth, sleeping soundly, thank god. And crammed right up against the wall, the smooth cold concrete against her spine. Crouched right under the big bed. The sheets trailing onto the floor.

Loud footsteps could be heard stomping up the stairs. Curt voices ordering in a strange pipping language. It was the next room first, then they came over. Do not breathe, do not cry, do not wake. The sound of the boots stopped in front of the bed.

The bayonet swept right in front of her nose.

The heart stopped. The world spun. The footsteps left.

There were simply too many houses. Or perhaps they too didn't want to know.

***
Now I understand how it felt like. I did all those stuffs. Painstakingly. My eyes were tearing. My neck was aching.

You liked it. You seemed rather impressed maybe. You wanted it perhaps. It might be useful, all nicely done, you know.

But I don't feel appreciated. I don't feel that anything would have been changed. It was being iterated once too often.

We shall wait for the last straw to break the camel's back. :P

****
Was it wrong for the poor young vegetable seller to sell his vegetables to the army?

In the band of brothers, the town people punished their own for 'sleeping' with the enemy. After they took back their town, those who dealt with the Germans in one way or another during the occupation were soundly humilated, punished and isolated.

Was it fair to do that? After all, they were human. They need to survive. Can anyone fault them? Who is to judge after all? Or did they do horrible crimes against their own during that time? Or simply trying to survive? Nope, we didn't know enough, did we?

Grandma secretly changed the Banana currency for British notes. In a way, her instinct told her that this occupation wouldn't last. She was uneducated and illiterate, but she had a hope, and she squirreled the money away.

When the day came, people come out in full to celebrate. And they burned. And burned. All the Banana notes. Freedom.

And Grandma had her tin of British currency to start a new life.

Women are always smarter than men. heh.

****
Assimilated. Somewhat my current favourite word to use.

Do you realise that people always have a favourite word to use and they use it for a while until they got sick of it? Okie, maybe change the word people to PM. :P I'm not so sure about others, but PM's use of words repeatedly can be quite catching (and entertaining).

She used to like the word despicable, especially over the chessboard, and it got really really thrown about, till everyone was using it. But no one got her inflexion right. You must have that oohhm to carry it off. :)

Cheapo was thrown around too much as well, and was deemed too common for her to utter.

Over the years, I cannot remember all the words she would use for a period of time. The words come and go, but they always sounded funny when she said them. heh heh.

And here's the most recent one which is currently popping in my head waiting to be told. :P

Me: How have you been?
She: It's very compliCAted.
...
Me: I just want to remind you about my housewarming. Will you be able to come?
She: It's very compliCAted.
...
Me: Err, okie. Are you working on that day? I told you before to keep that day free. You would be coming right?
She: It's very compliCAted.
...
Me: What's happening? Why is it very complicated.
She: It's very compliCAted. I'll tell you when I see you.
...
Me: Err, are you sure you'll be all right?
She: It's very compliCAted.
...
Me: Err, so have you had your lunch?
She: It's very compliCAted.
...
Me: Err, so you'll let me know if you're coming?
She: It's very compliCAted.

:P

I'm serious. The conversation went something like that. :P :P Till now, I haven't heard what the compliCAtion was really about. She did mentioned something, I understood a little, but all that stuck were the words: it's very compliCAted.

I'll let her settle for a while more.

*****
I remembered what I wanted to get downstairs. I went down earlier and ended up wandering around forgotting what I wanted. It was actually a piece of paper, which I wrote something down. I used to write interesting quotes and witty phrases and funny stuffs down last time, and leave them slips of papers around.

Here it is, I guess it's some anonymous thing - I didn't write the author down. Whoops.

Negative numbers are the evil that spawned complex algebra. Cursed be thy name! Square root of -1!

Cool eh?

:)

*****
The one thing I actually gain from all this blogging thingy is that I am really improving my spelling and vocab! hahahaha. There were so many words I somewhat knew, but I didn't know the exact spelling. *bleah* So now I know, and have learnt. :)

And I still prefer to read those who write for themselves, and not for an audience. There is a slight difference, there is more depth, and more meaning in the words, and there is ... perhaps, a feeling of empathy you can sort of have towards the writer. Silent, unspoken, faceless and stranger.

And perhaps the way some of them wrote have changed. For strangers no longer and mindful of who is reading.

Assimilated.

Please do not change. Please do not mind.

*****
Three more games to go.

Two with a much weaker player and I have no worries for that. Taking a damn long time though.

One with a much higher rated chap, but I just realised that I'm one whole piece plus one pawn up. Woohoo! heh heh. Who's afraid now?

*bleah*

***
Anytime now. Perhaps I shouldn't be out so much. But it's so boring to be enclosed. And baby has decided that he doesn't want to be small and scrawny. It's definitely a logarithmic curve on weight-gaining! Shessh. I might just catch up with any normal person.

Should go swim. Should go yoga. Should not eat so much unhealthy fat stuffs like full cream milk and ice-cream with chocolate fudge. :P

I ran out of milo this morning. Two teaspoon isn't enough! Good grief. So what can a desperate gal like me do? Ohhh yeah, add chocolate fudge. hahaha.

The living dead. Memories. Stories.

Grandma took a mouthful of porridge, and another ... then firmly pressed her lips together, refusing to open at all. She turned her face away, her jaws stubbornly munching away. I rubbed a bit of medicated oil at her temples and under her nose, behind her ear lobes, hoping that the sharp tangy smell would help, even if a little. She continued staring blankly ahead, working her jaws and refusing to open her mouth for another swallow. We took a break, and I massaged her a bit more, and tried again with a spoonful of water. Ha, she opened her mouth again, and in the spoon went. Quickly before the thin lips clamped tight again.

Afterwards, no more persuasion could entice her to open her mouth.

Perhaps an hour later, I told mom. We let her rest, and I rubbed a bit more medicated oil on her chest. Skin and bones, just like a skeleton now.

When she is better, she has a good appetite, and there's no problem feeding her. How many days have it been already? One more day of antibiotics, whatever infection seemed to have cleared. Apples and papaya later then. If not, tube-feeding. *shrug*

It was damn unfair and insenstive that the doctor exclaimed that she had been neglected and was undernorished. Would she have still be alive then if that was the case? What do they know? Why would they care, except to shoot their mouths off. Who would have cared anyway? Bah.

They said they would have sent a nurse down that time, but no one came. Either there was some miscommunication, or misunderstanding on mom's part. In this country, you take care of your own. No one would truely bother. No one would truely care. Out of sight, out of mind.

*****
She told me she worked because she had seven mouths to feed. Seven dogs at the dog farm. She is an amazing person. These are the people I'd prefer to talk to. Not those siting at the desks, emiting insincere smiles.

***
Grandma also loved dim sum. I think it runs in the family. We used to buy back at the coffeeshop near her old place. We all enjoyed the very normal hawker food. Hokkien mee, fishball noodles etc. When I started working, Grandma was still pretty all right. I wasn't so rich then. Hawker fare was all I could afford.

A date with Mom to our favourite dim sum place either this week or next week then. :) Never had a chance to bring Grandma there, so never wait till it's too late.

***
Mom said that I was the only one who kinda almost 'over-stayed' in her womb. Right on the dot of the EDD. Big, chubby and happy. Eyes wide and bright and alert and looking everywhere. I told her it must be the coffee she said she drank every morning. I was obviously 'drugged', ya? :P And look at me, so dark.

Compared that to my older brother. Milk only. Extreme care. Pretty fair skin. Damn. Okie, pretty blur too. haha.

:P

***
Father made the tea rather thick, but it sure was fragant. He didn't like the egg tarts, prefering his tao-sa-pia. Mom loved the egg tarts. And one each for the rest of the guys in my family. :)

Hubby wasn't too pleased that I was late in picking him up. He's throwing a bit of tantrum, and I'm throwing it with him too. :P It wasn't my fault. Darn parents didn't have an iota sense of time. I said, it's time to go! And they said, wait wait ... and started cutting the fruits. Sheesh. Rolls eyes. I had my time all nicely planned properly, and it wasn't exactly a rush for me. Not my fault, truely. I shall feel 'misunderstood' ... hmmm, not that word, what's that word? ... damn, how irritating it is to have a word in the head but not being able to catch it! ... for a while more.

*bleah*

yuan wang, what's it in English?

:P

*****
Mom told me that Grandma's father sat at the roof of his rich mansion and threw money down to the people on the streets below. Depression runs in the family. He took up opium when his wife passed away.

Is there a need to have meaning to life?

***
Mom never allowed us to keep pets. Dogs, cats, fish, birds, whatever. She had her hands full taking care of us, so no thank you, she's not going to take care of animals too.

And she has something against dogs. No ... she doesn't hate them, she just didn't want to be near them.

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, when she was still very young, a mongrel of a dog fell in love with her. :P

It was one of those strays her brothers picked up and brought home. And as boys go, you know, the rough uncaring, happy-go-lucky kind, they left the dog at home and away they went to play with whatever their attention caught their whim at that instant.

So the dog was neglected, oh, it was fed all right, Grandma always have a soft spot for cats and dogs, just that the dog was dirty and smelly and molty - it was a stray after all, and lack of the love and attention it needed.

And the dog decided that mom would be his center of the universe. She happened to be the next nearest living person in the house.

So dog followed her everywhere, with those big adoringly lovely melting warm heart-breaking eyes, waiting for a kind word, or even an absent-minded pat. And as overgrown puppies goes, you know ... they would always try to sniff up your skirt.

Mom was obviously not amused.

I think she would not have minded if dog was a clean dog. Did I mention that mom is mightily obsessed with cleanliness?

Dog was obviously very doggy. Ran around in the mud, fought mightily hard with other dogs, fur molted, fresh wounds here and there, pitiful looking, shit and peed everywhere, bathed only in the rain ...

So everytime when mom came home, dog would greet her so happily, yet so pitiful and dirty-looking. Poor dog. Poor mom. Dog was too dirty to be hugged.

And one day, someone did not tie dog up properly. When mom went off to work, naughty dog sneaked out too. Dog followed the object of admiration along the footpath, slinking behind the bushes, ohhh .. smart. Not to be seen. To the bus-stop. Hey, she's going up the bus! One hundred meters dash! Come on boy! Come on! You can do it. Dog boarded bus. Bus driver yelled! Pretty young well-dressed early twenty-ager turned and saw goofy dirty, mangy dog. Panic! Shoo! Shoo!! I do not know you. You do not know me. Get off the bus! Poor dog. Rejected again.

He ran across the road, and was almost knocked down by a car.

:P

One day, after all the fun and games and happy short life, dog did not return home. The young, mangy, molted, carefree, happy, dirty, smelly mongrel loved a good fight, and he was full of pride and courage. Fought many a battle, sustained wounds of all shapes and sizes, and finally one quiet evening, limped to someplace to lie down and licked his wounds and called it a day.

*

Coping mechanism

There are some who drink themselves to oblivion, either alone or with friends.

In a big crowd, elbows josting one another, smoke-filled haze, loud mind-numbing music, one glass after another, not for the taste nor for the quality, but just to have an ephemeral of feelingless, and to throw up all that which churned within.

Or alone, in a dim room, a bottle on the table, or bottles, also one glass after another, head cradling in hands, perhaps low music, perhaps not, inconsolable, everyday, for the ache and frustration does not go away, red eyed.

Time passes by quickly then. Easier to sleep too.

There are some who write thousands and thousands of words, articulating their thoughts, putting the devil to pen, laughing at oneself, cynicism, mocking, to hurt even more, not others, but self, hating, hating.

There are some who would pick up a knife, or a penknife, and slash, and slash, to feel the pain which is still so much lesser than the ugliness within. Perhaps there is a wish, but hesitant, still a little afraid, still a little unsure.

There are some who would lie on the bed all day, curtains drawn, windows closed, eyes empty, staring at the whitewashed ceiling, empty within, empty without, white noise beating with the heart, just breathe, perhaps not even yet couldn't.

Or stare at the TV, flicking one channel over another, loud noiseless music, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, not caring, not noticing.

There are some who would haunt a place, an unknown stranger in a sea of sardines, anonymous, nameless, faceless, going where the restless feet brings, picking up things on whim, not caring, not knowing.

And all to while away time. Time for the heart to beat, time for the ache to throb, time for the breath to catch, time for the anger to fester, time for the frustration to gnaw, time for the sadness to dissipate, time for the depression to lift.

And the world continues to rotate three hundred and sixty-five and one quarter days.

*****
Isn't this pretty? :)

Unfortunately the matching ear-rings and necklace were sold out. There was another pair of ear-rings, but they were too chunky for me. I don't usually get the bracelet, but this was a little irresistable. :P

And it did made me happy, for a while.

Time of the year

It's usually this time of the year that I started living again. And learning new things. Well, perhaps not so soon yet, there's one more week full of activities. Don't ask me how I got myself into it. Afterall, it's not as if it's going to be recognised, you know. There you have your head being super duper demoralising and, I truely feel, super damn unprofessional ... but what would you expect from a place like that? The answer is not to expect anything and just do the things you are happy with. I've stopped caring, although I'm definitely going back very soon ... but I guess I can bear with it ... there are always other and better ways to earn money. Don't wait for them.

So .... usually during this time of the year when I have slightly more free time, which is the main blackmill keeping me sane ... Oh, how sometimes I hate it, yet others I'm ever so grateful, the whole idea being I have to plan what to do, and let it not go to waste.

It was the time ...

when I picked up knitting again and made a nice lovely vest for dearest hubby who is still wearing it close to his heart. He certainly didn't want a new one, but perhaps I should just clean it for him one day. heh heh.

when I picked up violin lessons again and stuck with it for slightly longer until I couldn't stand the teacher. Perhaps I would have done so if not for the expected arrival of baby. I can't commit myself for a year or more violin lessons, unfortunately, at least not right now.

What should I do then, this time round? Perhaps I should try out new recipes. Can a microwave oven with grill do baking? Or I should just sit myself down one day and finish all the knitting projects I've started out with. There is time, and one procastinate when there is a long stretch of time ahead. :P

Perhaps I should revise the japanese lessons. With or without dearest hubby. :P He's better than me at languages, even though I did better during the tests. The reason is simple, I have better short term memory. hahaha. But he has better long term memory. :P So don't ask me anything Jap, for I've given everything back to the teachers! :P

We might try out ballroom dancing next year when we can deposit baby somewhere. That is something dearest hubby always wanted to do. If you ask me, I'm not exactly extremely keen on that, because I don't want to look like a goose. heh ... but if I'm not going to be the only goose *looks pointedly at hubby*, then I guess it won't be too bad. :P

I would like to pick up blading again. I think it's time we learn how to stop. Hubby has only used his new skates .. what, once? twice? Fallen badly and wasn't keen to try again. Tsk tsk tsk. Perhaps I can psycho him to do some yoga so that he can fall gracefully. :P Or at least helps in balancing. :)

I must build up my arm muscles. Not only would it be useful to be carrying baby around, but I must get my handstands done properly. Okie, I always wished I could do cartwheels. There was once I was into juggling too, but attention span a bit too short. I guess it looked fun to be able to do cartwheels and juggling :P, but now I'm a little too old for that. hahaha.

Actually, what I should be doing now and stop procastinating is simply to clear up the papers and the last room. Sort out all those papers, last few boxes and put them away. Then everything would just be perfect. Damn need to find the motivation to do it. It's not easy, you know, when you can just shut the door to the whole room and forget about seeing those mess. heh heh. :P

I'm baaaaddddd. Hubby isn't a good motivator at all, he never even goes into that room. Ha ... Anyway, they're all my rubbish. Perhaps I should just follow what mom would have done. Throw everything away!! Yeah.

***
I wonder if L managed to buy any of the books I wanted in NZ. Perhaps he was just being polite, you know ... but it would be nice if he could get them. Save me all the postage. heh. Then again, even if he doesn't, perhaps I should purchase them myself. Give myself a nice xmas present. After all, I didn't exactly spend as much on myself as I did last year. hahaa. Which is pretty baaaaddd actually. But really, life is just that. What else is there? :P

Out of sight, out of mind.

I found:

An English-French Dictionary, a Chinese chengyu dictionary, and my trusty oxford baby dictionary.

Two silver plates. Both oxidised. Cheh, my name also not engraved on it. Two years running, and I could not beat her. They said I was so much better than her, and that made me even more nervous. It was a psychological affaire. Perhaps I could have and got a bigger plate. Give me cold hard cash anytime. So what am I to do with them plates? Silver ... hmm, shall I melt them down and make pretty ear-rings? :P

On a side note, I just bought my pretty silver ear-rings myself the other day. Now I'm happy. But my holes seemed to have gotten even smaller. It hurts all the way wearing them. :P

A box full of letters, cards and such. From old friends and lately, from all those kids. Hmm, so where shall I put it? These are the things worth keeping and when you're in your seventies, they'll be lovely to go through them. heh.

Many boxes full of many interesting rubbish. There's Min's test papers - does she want them back? Wen's test papers, many many other papers. Gosh. So many, I'm still sorting all of them out. *wipes sweat* I guess I'll just boxed them up and put them into the furthest reachest of the cupboards. haha. I'm getting as bad as MIL. Mom would have simply chuck everything away. Mustn't let her near my stuffs. :P

* * *
Note to self: Valhorna chocolate is wasted on dearest hubby. He just doesn't appreciate the fine chocolate. Ohhhh ... the chocolate tasted so different from the normal stuffs. Dark, yet not too bitter. Not too sweet and oh so light. They're all mine now! heh heh. P.S: Some of the bars are going on sale at taka. Quick grab them! :P

And I fried my brownie on the microwave oven. Forgot how long it should take to heat it. No hot brownie with vanila ice-cream! *sniff*

The quality of life

Grandma seems to have come down with some infection again. She has very little appetite, is having some coloured discharge, but otherwise is still the same as ever. We got her the gel cushion, hopefully it would help the bed sores. They're healing ever so slowly now, even with applying the medicated lotion twice a day. We told mom that if she continues not to eat, she'll probably have to be sent to hospital for drip.

Hardly any of her other children comes to visit her anymore. There was no point too. She wouldn't know you anyway. Living a life of a plant. Oblivious. I guess mom is just so used to it. One can't just neglect a human life after all. I wonder how others could do that.

Perhaps a few years back, when they said do not recus, the children should have just gather around and let her go in peace. Oh no, they were angry and demanded that she be sent to private care. Now, they dump her with mom and hardly ever bother, only once in a while when their conscious twitched. Mom is a prisoner in her own house. She cannot go for a holiday but she never complained. At least she is able to balance everything properly.

People who have never been in such situation should keep their mouths shut.

*****
I thought it was quite sweet that the japanese princess has gotten married. Darn, and she got two million dollars. wow.

:P

Home alone with the muck

When you hang around in the house too long, you'd realised that the floor needs mopping. So you end up on your hands and knees. Once a week is too little. It's so easy to become obsessed.

And the mats need scrubbing.

Maybe I should go and swim again. :P

***
King-Rook-Pawn vs King-Bishop-Pawn. I was a little worried back there, but I've finally managed to out-manoeuvre him. Yippee!! :) Mate in two. Did he see it coming? Muhahahaha.

I asked my neighbour what she did till her birth. Oh, she had a sister to visit and friends to play mahjong with. Me? I can only either go out shopping and get tired, or stay at home and be a good cook and housekeeper. *sniff* Oh, so sometimes I do play some chess, when opponents finally make their bloody slow moves, do some knitting, which gives me neck aches, or be on the computer. How boring. I guess it is the people that one gets to hang out with that makes the difference.

*sigh*

*****

If only massage does for me what it does for you ... but I hate being touched by the 'wrong' hand (vibes). ~xena

PM told me that she once went for a massage and didn't like it too. I have two theories about this. Firstly and most importantly, you have to find someone good at it. Not everyone is good at giving massages you know. I guess you can find the good ones by word of mouth. *hint* Ask me. :P

Secondly, it may not be very relaxing going for massage the first time ever. Your shoulders and neck muscles are in knots and it can be very painful. You have to consciously relax them when they are being massaged and not become tensed up. I first started going for massage because my shoulders, neck and lower back were killing me. Wen introduced me to this therapist who does sports massage. She took one look at me and called me the Empress Dowager. Damn, do I looked so hunched? She spend the whole hour massaging the knots. I was pretty blue-black after that. Good thing my tolerance towards pain was pretty high. Obviously I went back for more bashing. But it worked. I don't even get a twinge of lower back pain anymore! Even carrying a big watermelon everyday. :P Together with doing yoga, I guess my posture had pretty much improved and nowadays I only do massage when I get tight shoulders from doing too much work, and basically I just do it for relaxing. heh heh. :P

When you looked around you, you can see that many people have very hunched and tight shoulders. Their shoulders are stiff and high into their necks. Many people in my profession look like that too. I feel so sorry for them. hahahaa. I guess they don't even know that they are being hunched. :P

I guess the primary reason I started doing yoga was because I wanted to improve my posture. And massages helped too, to relax the muscles, else I could never do some of the more open poses in yoga for the shoulders. One of my yoga teachers said always to stand tall, imagine your spine being stretched from end to end, hold your head even and consciously relax your shoulder blades or push them down. Tadasana. I don't do yoga so much as to try to lose weight or become strong. For me, it's more of being flexible ... and graceful, and to tone up a little. :) I should try to build up strength soon, so that I can do handstands properly. :P Darn, there's still so much things to do in yoga!

After doing yoga for so many years, one thing I find is that it is so much fun doing inversions. heh heh heh. :)

Min started doing yoga and she seems very much into it. heh. Goodness gracious, imagine last time when I kept telling her to start yoga and she didn't want. :P I'm still wondering what made her into a convert. :) Does it mean that one day she'll do blading and swimming as well? heh heh heh.

***
Once upon a time, a long long time ago, a friend once said I looked a little like Shu Qi. And it's only until the day before yesterday that I actually saw a picture of how Shu Qi looked like. Waaaaaah ... got meh? Got look like meh? I'll be very happy if so. hahahaha. Dodo. Think my friend only say to make me happy. CHEH. *bleah*

Gobble Robber

This morning, I wrote a nice long post, but it was eaten up by blogger. Jeez. Perhaps I'll write again tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after.

Plans

Oh dear, I think I ate too much, it feels like I've sprained my tummy. Ouch.

Dinner was pretty simple, some left-over stuffs plus bai-cai soup, which is my favourite vege soup. I swam eight laps again tonight, but I don't think I'll do that again tomorrow. Shall go for nice nice massage and shopping! :)

Life is good.

If I could have planned, I would have plan for a baby in July or August, after the maternity leave, just nice can do lots of shopping in November and December. Oh well, life nowadays is only about shopping. I ought to do something more meaningful.

*sigh*

Like what? I also dunno. Back to washing the dishes and doing housework.

Chop chop . Grouses . :-)

I should.

I could have.

And ...

I did it!!

:)

Swam that is.

After months and months of being too lazy to go swim. And it felt so refreshing afterwards. Eight laps, if one lap is from A to B. Hubby and I can't seem to decide which is which. Is a lap from A to B or A to B and back to A? Now I feel like I'm floating. Next ... back to yoga. Afterall, not much time left!

The damn water is still too cold.

My right arm is aching. I know not why. Feels like rhumetism. Humf.

Perhaps I should have asked everyone to give me vouchers instead. It's more fun going around and shopping yourself for the stuffs. :P

There's a very nice WMF? dish set (with the kitten design) for kids I saw. Is anyone getting that for my baby? *hint hint* ... heh heh heh. :P

Okie, I should go and look for something to eat now. Not that I'm very hungry. Oh dear. Suddenly I'm full of energy. It felt like I could swim to infinity. But self-preservative kept me sane. Thou shalt not overwork. Unlike someone who walked 3km on the first try and moan about aching thighs. heh heh heh. And now dear someone has taken up the offer to play tennis. Better get some warmup before de day eh? *bleah* Thou shalt be ready to minister massages then. :P

Doremi

It's quite depressing to go shopping when there's nothing to buy. It's going to be Christmas, and there you could be buying nice new clothes for yourself, or nice stuffs ... heh heh, but ... ah well, it's always good to save more money instead! :P

So there I was, a bottle of sake in one hand, and a box of sashimi in the other. Ohh, bad mama ... bad bad mama.

:P

*****
There was a lot of food for dinner last night. Stir-fry veges, bittergourd with eggs, dried shrimps with chilli, black chicken herbal soup, my favourite fried prawns (yum!). Hubby's friends seem very health conscious, they were seriously digging into the vege. Which is good, I guess. heh. But it sure was damn tiring to do all that. I was moving adagio by then. Thank goodness I got a cute kitchen helper. :) I love him so. :) :)

*****
One of my aunts gave me a very sweet pendant for my ... errm, ROM. Which was like almost two years ago now. Well, better late than never eh? I think that was so sweet of my auntie. :) Now ... mom didn't give me anything. Yet. Grrrrr. I think I shall have to hint hint to her sometime ... ya, and throw tantrums and be dramatic .... :P *sniff sniff* MIL also never give me anything. Waaah. I feel so deprived. *SNIFF*

:P

Sedated

Lunch.

Fish soup. With green vege, liver, a couple of prawns, tofu, tomatoes, a bit of salt and sauce. Oh, not forgetting chicken stock.

Yummy!

If I may say so myself, it's one million times so much nicer and tastier than those you find outside! Definitely not too salty, and lots and lots of fish. The stuff almost overflowed the pot.

And I'm feeling happy and full because it was really a nice fish soup. Between hubby and myself, we wiped the bowl clean.

Yummy!

Homecooked is still da best! Gosh, I am sooo sick of food outside. They're either too salty or too ... well, whatever. Just plain sick.

*rubs tummy contendedly*

And dear hubby offered to wash up the dishes. He did it before going off to play ps2. I am soo tired, my feet are soo tired. He's so nice isn't he? :) He came up a while ago looking pleased, and I bet to inform me that he has washed all the dishes. I was surprised that he did them so fast, and instantly became suspicious. So are all the pots and pans and rice cooker washed too? I asked innocently. heh heh .. caught him there, and he sheepishly replied, oh ... those also must wash ah. *pengsan*

Hubby's blur friend is coming tonight. Trust me, you wouldn't want to see such person for your ills next time. :P Okie, so I offered (big mouth me) to cook something. Now, what should the something be which is not so tiring? I am feeling rather tired today. Yesterday was high and full of adrenaline. Today no energy lah. Besides Wen told me there's a sale at Tods, and I'm itching to go there! *sniff sniff*. And I want to go Ikea and get a few stuffs too. *sniff sniff*

I think I shall go and sleep instead.

Hangover

The morning after ... tired, aching, slightly zombified, still slightly high, but losing steam ...

:P

Maybe it was the coffee.

...

I thought it went pretty well. At first we were panicking when we saw the portions. Thought it was too little, and hubby rushed out to get more stuffs, like kueh (which was a hit), extra paper utensils (which was never used), more drinks, desserts etc. But it seemed to end up pretty all right, perhaps the guests didn't eat as much as we thought they would. All going on diet ah. hahaha. But people did compliment that the food was pretty good, and everyone seemed happy, so I guess that's all right.

There was this okay-cute little boy who was helping us to wipe our stairs using his bum, going down every step then up again and down again. Not my relative! A bit irritating actually. I prefer kids who are well-behaved. :P

P's baby girl was quite a hit. Hubby concluded that she was the only one in dress and looked sharp and pretty. Hubby's friend's baby boy came in with drool on his half-opened mouth, looking blur and grinning away. Looked kinda leering-like actually. So young! Tsk tsk ... hahaha. Girls always looked sharp and boys looked blur. heh heh.

The morning after ...

Opening up all the stuffs given to us is really fun. :) I liked the stuffs some of my friends gave me, especially the ones I get to choose myself. And you can always trust your aunties to give you the things you need. I got a slow cooker, a fruit juicer, a multi-purpose blender, and mom gave me a microwave oven which is way too big for the kitchen. And I realised I'm a kinda branded person. Hmm, nevermind. :P It's good to have aunties. Maybe I should invite my other set of aunties over and get them to give me more stuffs. heh heh heh.

Then there are some gifts which you wonder if they had been recycled. :P I do have a highly suspicious mind. And I wonder why people give of all things a rice-cooker. Surely it should be quite common sense that we would have one, that being one of the basic appliances to have! Duh. The steamer was quite interesting, but I wonder if it can fit my plate in. Perhaps I shall try it later for lunch. Steamed fish. We are all utterly sick of outside food. Homecooked is still da best!

And Min gave me a very lovely day-to-day calender on Yoga. :) Actually to tell you the truth, I hate such calenders. Arrgh. How am I ever going to use it? To tear each page out as the days go by?!?!! WAaaah. Can I bear to do that? Humf.

*bleah*

The life of the party goes to Wen's bf who is a natural stand-up comedian. People gets attracted to him like fleas, not a problem. He's huge and highly visible. :P Hubby's friend T was also quite a laugh ... you know, some people when they opened their mouth, before they say anything, they laughed first, and it can be damn catching. Makes him likable and easy-going. If PM were here, she would have been highly entertaining as well. We didn't have time to go around and talked to all our friends, but it seemed that everyone got on nicely. It seemed that there were quite a few accountants. I didn't know I had so many friends who were accountants. hahahaa.

My younger bro commented that everytime he sees Wen, she seemed to be shrinking. That's a first! Hahaha. Hubby thinks it is because C is getting bigger and bigger too. He has a waistline of a nine-month pregnant woman! We told him he must be harbouring a dead foetus inside. Nope, it's a live one, and his extended bro told him that he must not be drinking beer in the afternoon. Ha .. like real. :P

Dear hubby, my father and my younger bro all told me they couldn't recognise Xel when they saw her. Hubby thought it was some auntie. hahhaa. Better not let her know that one. :P I don't think she has changed a lot, hmm, maybe it's just the hairstyle.

And one of hubby's friend didn't turn up. When asked, he replied ... oh, isn't it on Sunday? *slaps forehead*

:P

Stupidity as stupid does

I completely agree and accept the fact that there are really stupid people in this world.

I am still reeling from the shock of hearing that some people do not think it is rude to cough/sneeze whatever right into another human being's face. In fact, they think that the recipient of their generous offer should fall to their knees and thank them for the bodily fluids, with extra germs.

And it is indeed sad that I can't tell some of those kids that hey, you know .... you are really stupid. And it cannot be cured. And not only are you stupid, you are lazy, digusting and ugly.

So what is the purpose of me re-setting the paper for you. I know you aren't going to pass it anyway, even if three quarters of the questions are going to be the same. And you would be promoted anyway, because you're too old to remain, too big and bad to transfer, and too stupid to pass next year.

*shrug*

The big difference

So the guy, boyfriend, husband says, you be careful eh ... when you drive!

The girl would then end up scratching the bumpers, the sides, the fender, the bottom ...

Wen's boyfriend backed the car into a wall.

Dearest hubby banged a pillar.

:P

So the next time you see a car with a dented somewhere, don't be too quick to make a judgement ya?

*bleah*

I need.

I can live without you but I would choose to need you. To make you indispensable to me. So that you're the one I turn to when I need comfort, protection, encouragement and security. So that without you my soul would feel alone and bereft.

I so agree with this.

There must always be a need in any relationship. If he doesn't need you, why should he stay with you? And vice versa. Definitely to make yourself indispensable. And you have to need him as well. Perhaps that is the gist of it all, as modern working women don't really need a man as they become too independent, too aloof and perhaps just too strong.

Who wants to be vulnerable?

*****
It has been a very fruitful week this week. :) I got a reply regarding the river, quite fast actually, if not not very satisfactory. I confirmed my catering and more or less settled the guest list. Do we need to send a reminder? Shan't be paranoid. Duh. PM finally called a while back, in haste and full of complications. Everything is cool now, I only need to tidy up the place to make it more presentable. :P

And the best part of it all is that, I finally met up with my blog idol. hahaha. She who writes really well, best, I feel ... in spore. :P

Okie, and the next best thing is ...
I had a nice haircut. I like my hair style! :)
I had a lovely hair treatment. Good excuse not to go swiming again. :P
I had a wonderful pedicure. However, do not choose colours in yellow light.
I had a super shiok massage. Oh droool. And drool and drool again. *slurp*

Everyone needs a massage. The skin is made up of millions of nerves, or so dearest hubby tells me. A good massage really soothes you, takes away all the tiredness and grouchiness and troubles, and makes you feel really happy. :) And you will be better fortified for the next day.

Everyone should have a massage.

****
Fresh milk with chocolate fudge?

Boredom kills the cat, not curiosity

It's either this, or download yahoo games to play. Shessh.

It's even quieter today. I wonder where everyone has gone to.

***
I guess I shoudn't have placed a gag order on her. It would be nice to read what she writes, if she does so. :P So I hereby remove the gag. *laughs*

She reminded me of someone, a good friend, in the way she blogs sometimes ... but after getting to know her, she's definitely different. heh. Very very different.

:)

***
I am so ever sleepy. There should be something better to do. Perhaps I should get a book.

Shhhh ...

*looks around fugitively*

So there's hardly anyone around. And I'm killing time with my bare hands. Have I just opened a can of worms? It's not safe in here. Quietly quietly, guiltily, ready to flip if anything.

I am soooo bored to death.

And I've just finished the lovely set of booties, mittens and bonnet for baby. Looks a bit too lacy, if you ask me. Maybe I shouldn't have chosen that design, which was by far most the most difficult as well. I dropped numerous stitches, and ended up any-o-how picking them up. What to do? Don't expect me to unpick. That is soooo .... difficult because of the unusual pattern. What shall I start on next?

Damn, I'm too exposed here.

Knitting is rather theraputic. I read in a magazine that more young people are picking up knitting. So far I've known none yet, except for a secondary school friend - I wonder if she still does them. The place where I bought my stuffs I only see old aunties ... well, middle-aged aunties. :P

Dearest hubby has offered to sew up booties, mittens and bonnet for baby. We shall have to pour through the books together. There are some sewing techniques which make the stitches seem invisible. I am one hell of a perfectionist, what. Well, almost. heh. :)

Oh well .... counting down to take-off. :P

Totally unmotivated

I closed my eyes and imagined myself dropping hubby at work, then taking the car and driving to town, parking at the URA carpark, walking over to buy my favourite type of bread for breakfast tomorrow, and walking around the shopping malls, looking at stuffs and such. Retail therapy perhaps.

I closed my eyes and imagined myself changing into my new swimsuit which I bought specially, going down and have a few laps, enjoying the cool water for it's such a hot and lovely day today.

Hmmm ... well, I'm still here. hahaha.

Damn bones are starting to ache. I guess I'm becoming a fat frumpy housewife if I'm not careful. Sheesh.

Neuroticism

In other words, how and why I stress myself out.

I'm worried that there might not be enough food.

I'm worried that there might be too much food.

I'm worried that there might be too many people and no place to sit.

I'm worried that there might be too few people.

If you call one auntie, you have to call all your aunties and uncles. And they come with their familes!

I'm worried that there might not be enough space to lay out all the food.

I'm worried that there might not be enough space period.

Gee.

So ..... what am I to do?

I shall plan for a nice relaxing hair treatment do, and a massage either on Tuesday or Wednesday. So there.

Away, away ... all paranoid and neurotic thoughts! Fly fly away.

*bleah*

And if Xena is keen to meet, would she like dinner either Tuesday or Wednesday? :)

*****
Bliss is when the house is clean and neat. :)

A clean house does good to soothe the nerves. :)

I still have to think how to utilise my kitchen cabinets carefully. I think the problem is that the shelves are too tall, and there's lots of air in between which is not occupied. humf.

Wen has gotten me a very lovely tea set. I should have forseen that. She was the one who got me drinking infusion tea. :P I've told a primary school friend that I'd like a tea set as well. I think it's going to be one too many tea sets. Whoops! :P

Day spoiler

Hmm, well ... since dear hubby didn't quite like what I've written here, I guess I shall just do away with it then. After all, I had quite a good night rest, and nothing beats having a good sleep over it.

Not that my anger and frustration is being in anyway appeased.

The gist of it all, was that, yesterday ... I had PLANS. Wen was to make lunch - beef and eggplant lasagna, afterwhich we were to make dessert together. That's why I woke up early in the morning to go to the market together.

But in the end, what happened was that they came and made a mess out of my kitchen and yard, and we couldn't go anywhere. I was also sooo hungry - we only had lunch at 4pm! *sniff* And Wen made the dessert without me. *sniff sniff*

How maddening it was.

*sigh*

Sweet Endings

Today is a very slow day. Yet the week passes by too fast. I thought of going out, but there wasn't anyone free to go out with me, and I couldn't get my massage appointment, didn't feel like going for facial or nails or hair ... besides, it was rather cold, and my little nuclear reactor didn't seem to be functioning properly to keep me warm. So here I am, drinking milk and eating Crunchie. :P

I made dinner - braised pork ribs with black bean sauce and stir-fry spinach, but didn't feel like eating proper food. It's more for hubby. I could have simply eaten bread and milk for dinner tonight.

What can one do, when one is all alone at home and feeling bored and peckish?

I boiled two kettles of water, I swear it took fifteen minutes each time.
I tried playing the piano. With long nails. It didn't work that way, so that lead to ...
I cut my nails. It's getting damn hard to cut toe nails, but hey, I can still do it. :P
I did a bit more on the booties. Booties are the most difficult to do, especially the part on picking up stitches. Will try to finish the second one later tonight.
I read through what I did last year in November. Was I just as bored during that time of the year? I seemed to be doing more things then. At least I could have gone blading. *sniff*

Oh well ... I wonder what would things be like at this time next year. :)

*****
Wen was very bored too. We could have gone for English tea yesterday or Tuesday but I wanted to spend time with dear hubby. Not that we really did lots of things together, it's just that it's nice to have dear hubby around even if we aren't doing much. I dunno. I just feel happy to be with him. :)

I did feel a little bad not being able to go out with Wen for English tea. We used to do that whenever there's a public holiday. Just sit down at some nice lounge and rot and drink tea. So for tomorrow, we decided to try our hands at making some interesting desserts. :P

The black rice pudding with coconut milk. Bubor pulot hitam.

I tell you, the one we had in Bali was so delicious, I still dream of it sometimes. Oh, how I wish I can go back there and eat again! And the ice-cream. *sigh*

Okie, perhaps I shall stock up on some of those dessert stuffs and make interesting desserts next week! Heh. That's a thought! :)

Pyrotechnics

To the music of Beethoven String Quartets ...

which I've bought a long long time ago, and never listened; which we only decided to play it because one was being played in one of the episodes of Band of Brothers, when the Germans were trying to tidy up their damaged town, and we were looking for that particular sad piece, definitely not Mozart ...

we sat, cuddled up on the sofa, with the sliding windows closed, and we could see the wind whipping furiously outside, silently screaming to get in. The branch of our big plant, thank goodness, seemed supple enough to take such a beating. For a little while, we were rather worried that it would break and fly off like Dorothy in Kansas, but it stood its ground, just swaying in protest ...

and we watched, far far away, where thick clouds appear white in the night sky, every few seconds, a streak of lightning would run across those clouds, left to right, up and down. Brillant flashes sometimes or a bolt of pure energy, brightened up the night as it would like be a day. The most beautiful one we caught, as we stared amazed without blinking, was one lovely long streak, like a silvery dragon, snaking its head from one huge cloud to another. Yet all was silent, for thunder was too far to sing to us ...

and only to the music of Beethoven.

That night was an amazing night where dragons came out to play amongst the clouds.

****
It has come to an end, the ten episodes of Band of Brothers. Great one that, somehow the whole stuff didn't feel like it was emotionally blackmilling you, but a serious, witty at times, sad other times, movie, and overall something you can watch and mull about later.

Well, perhaps it was the lack of those heart wrenching music whenever someone died. The world went silent, which I think, was definitely more apt.

It's rather scary how people can prosecute their own country men because one f***ing charismatic leader said so. I once knew a German chap and we spoke a little on the war. Damn, now I can't remember what it was, so long ago.

And now ... Iran and Isreali, Pakistan and India. Muslims and Jews, Muslims and Hindus. Hubby says the Muslims have been oppressed, and that is why they're striking back now. I need to read up more. Hmmm ... where can I find books.

*****
And here's a thought. Although the US army were thought to be heros, winning the war and liberating the Jews, and stopping the madness of a man, war is still an ugly thing all together.

I guess it's different when you are hiding in trenches and shooting at figures too far to see clearly, or throwing your gernades into buildings to take out the kuarts, or firing your AA guns. But when you come face to face with another human being, an arm's length away, where in different circumstances, you might hold up your arm for a shake, or a smoke, and talk about things under the sun, but instead you are forced to kill him at point blank. To shoot or be shot. I wonder what goes in their heads, their nerves and how much it can affect them.

Perhaps there is an hatred, but some are not animals, and is that a good reason to kill another being? Yet the instinct to survive is too strong.

I do not know if I find it disturbing, that they looted of the spoils of war, just like any other. Does it cause a diminish in your eyes what you think a hero should be? If not me, someone else would. Rank has privileges. I was silent in the part when Capt Spiers walked out calmly with all the silverware in the house to send them home. I was silent in the part when the three solders entered and terroised a civilian where Webster refused to participate, and the private shot him in the head when he ran away. I was silent when a replacement shot and killed a German, a French and later Seg. Grant, when he was most likely drunk, and was later caught and beaten up, and almost killed.

Where is the line drawn?

Major Winters seem to be a good guy through it all. That is consistency. heh. I love it when he rubbed Capt. Sobel's nose in the mud. heh heh.

And speaking of Sobel, I know that guy also acted in Friends. He has a face which always makes me think of St Bernard, the dog, you know ... a long rather gloomy face that is rather amusing but not really funny. Exactly like how a St Bernard would be. :P

Baby talk

oKie, I guess I'm going to be one of those boring people people 'complain' about who talk about their babies, kids etc etc. Domesticated. Definitely.

:P

Then again, what else is there to blog about when authorities are breathing down your back eavesdropping on your thoughts and ready to make an example out of you whenever possible? Big brother is everywhere. 1982 gave me the creeps.

So here's a happy domesticated post all about my baby.

One thing for sure, he is very very active. Playing drums and kicking football in my tummy almost all day, somersaulting and hiccupping sometimes. We saw on Discovery Channel what babies do in the womb, those 4-D scan. Sometimes they would be sucking their thumbs, playing with their noses and dreaming a lot.

I hope he likes Joshua Bell. :)

I hope playing Joshua Bell will put him to sleep next time!

Baby doesn't like it very much when I lie on my side sometimes. You can tell. He would wobble wobble wobble, and start thumping me. Hard. Ouch.

I can feel his knobbly little BIG feet.

And there are still a few things we haven't bought yet. Oh dear. :P

Taking stock

In a way I am very lucky.

Not much of a water retention, did not put on too much weight, complexion better than I've ever experienced, not much of a throwing up thingy, just not much of an apetite, and I'm feeling happy, with the house all nicely up now and everything almost perfect.

:)

What more could a gal ask for?

My baby with big feet will be due in December. :)

All I hope is that he'll be a happy and healthy one. He'd better be, I eat so much chocolates. hahaha.

I'm not sure if I'll be a good mama, but I promised myself I will not be neurotic or kiasu. Perhaps it's easier said than done, all parents want the best for their kid, we just want him to be a happy kid.

Sometimes I feel that it is too soon to have a baby, wanted to wait a couple more years, for there are so many things I've not done yet. But sometimes when I counted our ages on my fingers, it seems a pretty good time to have them now. Perhaps such things are just meant to be.

And I'm feeling slightly high than usual ... must be that chocolate ice-cream I just ate. With chocolate fudge. :P

And dinner was simple and pretty successful. :)

***
Hmm, I seem to have been very out of touch with a lot of things. This comes from not having access to the nation's newspapers. But I guess I'm not missing out much, am I? After all, all those news seem to be rather ... trival and gossipy. Surely I'm surprised what the hoohah is all about.

*shrug*

On the other hand, I was trying to backtrack news articles on the 'Libby' incident. There were things I didn't know, and there was something interesting I learnt from hubby, that it is actually treason to name a spy, because of the repercussions. And I'm still amazed that they could have done that to their own people.

And then because I'm still in the fever of watching war shows, it really saddens me that even after World War II, people are still going to wars, and using all kinds of things as excuses. Religion, WMD, oppression etc ... if you look at it with a magnifying glass, it is the individuals that oppressed, the individuals that chose to kill, the individuals that chose to terrorise, and there will never be peace.

Perhaps all these are just part of humanity, and there's nothing to be done about it.

Then all the more I am so blessed to be sitting here in peace and happiness.

And all the more I should cherish the things I have in my life.

***