Monday, August 30, 2004

Domestic Fowl Up

No chickens and no eggs!

It's getting into me. Two of my favourite dishes. Eggs were selling at the Wet Market 10 for $5! Mom refused to get them. Yeah, I guess it's kinda expensive. There's nothing much to eat nowadays too, except fish, fish and more fish. I have nothing against fish, mind you ... I quite like fish, especially the cod fish and other white fish, and I love sashimi, but if it's fish everyday ... hey, I'm not a seagull! :P

Maybe I should buy some beef and stir fry with spring onions. At least hubby will like that!

*****
I don't quite understand why there is a need to kill all chickens when they have the bird flu. Or ban chickens and eggs too. I mean, people get flu too, we don't do genocide, do we? If we keep killing chickens when they come down with flu, then the chickens will never get to strengthen their antibodies, and will be more susceptible. I guess they're afraid that the flu get pass to humans, but the last major flu epidemic was in 1918 (?) ... damn, we are due for another flu epidemic soon anyway. *sigh* We're just killing everything to ensure our own survival.

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Checklist

Trip To Vietnam
- borrowed books on V. (checked)
- changed money. (not done, and better not do it last minute!)
- ... err, what else to do? I'm so ... awfully bad at planning or organising. Sheesh.

*****
Talk about obsession and addiction. Was glued to the computer screen from 0800h to 2200h(?) yesterday watching Hunter X Hunter. Threw all my resolutions out of the window and didn't even go for yoga! HxH was very very nice!!! :) Heh heh ... very very nice ... more after this. :P

*****
I always don't quite like this time of the year. I don't like celebrations, especially if it includes lots of people. I just feel very out of it. And they want to have a concert! Gee ... boring. I'd rather have a half day and sleep! Shessh, I hope they don't give me sweets. :P I never really like sweets though I'm always giving them that. heh. They gave me sweets once, those kind tied up nicely to look like flowers. I didn't eat them ... kept them decorative for almost a year and decided it's not wise to eat them anymore. DUH. Gee, I hope they don't give me anything ... I'll probably have to give them away or eventually throw them away. :( I only keep the cards actually. Whole boxful of them. :)

Anyway, I don't feel like going to work tomorrow. Hmm, does one get fever from flu jabs? ;P

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Back to HxH ...

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Wind in the ears.

Today we went blading at East Coast with PM.

:)

PM was, as usual, late ... for almost an hour. I'm again reminded why it is that I seldom go out with her. She doesn't carry a watch, nor a handphone ... only a darn pager, which sometimes ran out of batteries. Shessh ... that woman can really drive me nuts sometimes. But all well's that end well. heh ... I suspected that she'll be late anyway, so I arrived about 20 minutes late (shhh, don't tell her!), and I panicked when I couldn't find her! heh heh.

Was watching Hunter X Hunter ... was very tempted not to go out. :P

So anyway, me, hubby and PM went blading. Blading is really fun! Surprisingly, there weren't many people today at EC. Think most of the people were stuck at some fair going on at City Hall. Hmmm, wondered what that was all about. It was so bloody crowded there! I was really feeling claustophobic!

So back to blading. I had not done so for more than a year ... this is like our once in a year thingy. ;P Hubby was good! Though sometimes he looked like scarecrow on wheels with his flinging arms. heh :) PM and I were ... sad to say, still like beginners, we were terrified to go over humps, and there were a lot of humps around! It's like ... once I managed to get across, I will stand across the hump, stretched out my hands ... and she'll stretched out hers, over the huge chasm, with great difficulty, both of us reached out, fingers almost touching ... a bit closer! a bit closer! Hubby holding me tightly at one end, I, stretching a bit more, a bit more ... ha! finally! And we drag her over to safety! Whew! Tough work sia! Serious. I'm not exaggerating!

:P

But after about five minutes, I'm glad to say, I've found my knees, or legs or whatever ... and managed to blade fast! With the wind in my ears! How beautiful it was! :) I fell a couple of times, with compliments from PM ... heh, but no bad falls there. Definitely less than her. I think she fell on her bum painfully a couple of times. heh heh. The moon was very very bright and round tonight. It was definitely a lovely time for blading.

And I was going mightily fast towards the end. We were all pretty good at the end. Must try again soon! Wheeee! So nice to feel the wind whistling past the face, singing over the ears ... that's life.

:)

Hubby's blades broke. Gotta buy him a new pair soon.

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Captain Bezu Fache carried himself like an angry ox, with his wide shoulders thrown back and his chin tucked hard into his chest. His dark hair was slicked back with oil, accentuating an arrow-like widow's peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his reputation for unblinking severity in all matters.

From Dan Brown, Da Vinci Code.

Oh bloody ... I think I don't like this book very much now. What's with this long winded tongue-twisting, super exaggerated description? Shessh ... it's soo ... boring and ... corny. Yikes. Give me Agatha Christie or ...whathisname, erm ... Colin Forbes, or Ian Rankin or Minette Walters anytime. I think he tried too hard. Darn, perhaps I should have just borrowed from them. Hmm ...

Maybe I'm just too critical. I'm still in the Agatha Christie mood. :)

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Backseat driver

I so ... utterly dislike backseat drivers. You know, those kind who sit at the back in the car and give all kinds of comments on your driving, what you have to do, instructions etc. This morning, my father almost drove me up the tree, with all his comments. Plus I was in a rather bad mood so it was simply ultra bad. My parents-in-law are just as bad too. Only mom doesn't do that for she knew how scary it can be to drive. And good thing hubby doesn't do that to me, cos he had been a victim of backseat drivers too. No wonder my younger bro crashed the car once, driving with father ... haha. I was so irritated, I sped all the way home. Not very safe at all. I too, felt like crashing the car into something.

Grrrr ...

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I just remembered that I ought to get my flu shots before we travel for V, but I think hubby has forgotten ... and it's less than a week away by tomorrow. Hmm ... I suppose by the time he reads this and remembers, it's too late, right dear? :) Really, I do hate needles. The thought of sticking a needle into flesh makes me feel sick. I doubt we will go near any chickens. :P

*****

Friday, August 27, 2004

Tick Tock Little Clock

The slight feeling of guilt from going home early, translate itself into those piles of work lugged home in the bag, to be dumpped onto the floor, collecting dust and cobwebs and eventually returning to its place of origin, untouched.

Damn. It sure was heavy!

*****
From my dear :)

On dying
First off, I am not depressed nor trying to be morbid.... perhaps just more contemplative than usual.

Dr Kubler-Ross has died. She of the 5 stages of grief fame (if you don't already know, and must know: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance). I learnt of her passing on in an article obtained through the google news aggregator.

Something attributed to Dr Kubler-Ross set me thinking. Now, I haven't got the original words (and I did not manage to find the article). But what she said (and I paraphrase) was that only by accepting death as part of life can one truly live.

Do we really accept death as part of our lives? Or do we merely have a intellectual (for want of a better word) understanding of death? For instance, a mere intellectual understanding would be to accept for instance that sun is 332,830 more massive than the earth. You may understand it, but do you KNOW it for a fact? An instance of a fact like, if you were to cut yourself, that you will definitely bleed.

Or rather do we bustle about our daily lives, planning for this and that. Never daring, always procrastinating to factor in death into our precious plans and ideals.

What it all comes to, is this...... MEANING.

If all of us were to really accept death as an inevitable and perfectly normal end-point, I guess all of us would really work the hell hard to make sure that there is MEANING and PURPOSE to the interim period that we all have.

I don't mean to say all of us have to be the next Mother Theresa, or Warren Buffett or win an Olympic gold medal. Just make sure that when it is your time to go, you can say "I have made of it the best I could, focussed on things that are truly important in life. I am ready to go."

What more important things are there in life other than relationships? With God, with family, with friends and people around us.

The enormity of it.... that if you can accept death as natural and inevitable. And from there, plan and live your life by concentrating on what is truly important, you can have serenity in your lives instead of constant striving and stress.

(By the way, I don't think I have the whole answer to this meaning-of-life and how-to-live-it thing yet. But I think this is one part of the answer.

And I am working on it.)


Dear me ... he's hatching blogs after blogs like nothing ... heh heh.

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An absolute truth is that everyone will die.

I don't think I would mind very much, this dying business. After all, if there's no death, then what is life? There must be room to make way for the new stuffs and the living. I don't see what's so frightening about dying. It is definitely sad if someone close to you passes away ... but dying is part of life's experiences. The living still breathes.

Hence said, I would like to die after living a life with my love ones. To spend my living moments with hubby whom I love, work hard and enjoy myself and be happy. I think when I die, I would be a little regretful ... not that there are regrets about the life I had, but because I would not know what happened next. Curious ... you know, just curious to know what's going to happen next. Like, are we going back to the moon or are there aliens in space? Will we teraform Mars and stay there when Earth gets over-populated or shall we build buildings in the sea? :P

Living is perhaps like a story. A death would indicate the end of the story. How one makes up the story depends on what one wants. Maybe doing yoga teaches me to let go. I'm not sure if I believe in all these life after death thingy, afterlife etc. Perhaps when I get there, I'll know. All I want now is to be with my dear hubby and spend our moments together, and growing old together and being happy together.

I'm rather boring ... and mundane. :P

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So ... why would I want to know when I'll die? That's rather a silly piece of knowledge, because it doesn't give one power over things. Inversely, it makes one powerless ... because that knowledge can be crippling. Hmm ... I've not thought over this carefully yet.

So we come to the age old arguement argument arguement ... (damn, is there an auto spellcheck in here? My spelling is attrocious!) whether to tell a patient that he has so and so many months to live. I've been thinking about this :P

In my very humble opinion, telling a person that he/she has say ... for example, lung cancer is a truth. After that, if the doctor were to tell him that he has so many months to live ... is actually not a truth. It is the opinion of the medical personal, the opinion obtained by statistical results based on many other cases before the person in question and from experience with the type of disease in particular. So telling a person he has only such many months to live is not a truth. It's just an educated opinion.

So I should think one is not obliged to make such an opinion. Since it is not a truth. If they really want to know ... perhaps a better answer would be .. yeah, you're dying (since everyone is dying anyway ... my cells are dying all the time. heh), or you could go into a lecture on statistics and data blah blah blah.

*bleah*

Okie, if I'm old and I become senile, I would like to have the choice of having a peaceful and dignified death instead of being a burden to other people since my mind is already gone. If I've lived a good many years and I'm suffering from some painful illness, I would like to be able to die and not be stuck to tubes and all that stuffs. What's the point of living till so old? Besides being curious about what's happening next. A good book, no matter how interesting or how enjoyable it is, when it comes to the end, you still have to close the book and keep it. There's no point lingering over it, wishing that the author will write a sequel, or hating the author for not continuing the story. All good things must come to an end. And they'll become memories, happy, sad, wistful, ... memories left in the morning mist for the loved ones.

Maybe we should be allowed to put something like that in the will before the mind goes.

But for a young one who wishes to commit suicide just because ... hmmm. That's still rather tricky. Or for an infant who was born disabled ... I don't think one should be allowed to make the choices for another living person, so perhaps just wait and see what happens next.

And finally there are those who are snatched from us so suddenly ... that's really tragic. We can only be resiliant.

Too much thoughts today. Shall kiv those last bits then.

*****
I have just finished reading Agatha Christie's Sleeping Muder. Half way through the book, it struck me that I must have read the book before, because a. the story was horribly familiar; and b. I knew who the murderer was! Shucks ... are there any Agatha Christie's books which I have not read?

:(

Next book: Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. Seems like quite a popular book these days. And no, I didn't borrow if from my students after all ... aiyah, too paiseh to ask lah. heh.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Power Lines

Thanks razz, I'm usually only angry for a short while, and usually after a few hours or so, I'm back to normal. As normal as I can be, that is ...

*maniacal grin*

:)

*****
Anyway, on the way home, I was as usual thinking to myself.

Power.

Err .. not as in a power grid.

But power, in a person. What is power all about?

Power. Is the ability to manipulate people and control them. To do things to your liking. People who enjoy power like to control and manipulate others. In which case, they do not want their subordinates to be too much of a thinker and argue with you all the time. See, it's better to control happy sheeps right? Rather than the wisp of a wind which you cannot even grasp in your hands. Do what you are told. Now why are we wondering us people here cannot think for ourselves? They're just too afraid we'll break up in spots ... and destroy the 'big picture' which they've been trying very hard to cultivate. Virus multiply very fast.

Power. The ego booster which one craves for. So that others come before you and fall to their knees. Knowledge and money leads to power. With that, you are at the top of the food chain and you spread the web to enslave the minds of the uninitiates.

Manipulation. Some may say brainwashing.

Ohhh ... I just love to have power. :)

All of us are manipulators someway or another. You can drip sugar and sincerity and others may agree and help you and thus you achieve your goals. Or you can manipulate them by your sheer charisma or forceful will and get them trembling in their pants. Or perhaps you give them what they want, and enslave them to their desires, thus taking away their free choice and they'll follow you eventually. Insidious, obvious, subtle, naked ... that's what survival is all about isn't it? Manipulating the circumstances so that you survive.

Survival of the fittest.

I would like to be powerful.

*dreams*

*****
And now, let me write about my favourite theory.

Truth.

Absolute truths as opposed to relative truths.

Absolute truths are facts that are based on experimental results. We define the parameters and thus the truths are borned out of them. Such as the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West. We defined rising of the Sun to be in the east and setting in the West. So saying, another absolute truth is the moon rises in the west and sets in the east.

*laughs*

That's the only absolute truth I can think of right now. Oh, here's one more: We define the melting of ice to be at zero degree celsius, and the boiling of water at one hundred degree celsius at room temperature and atmosphere. So we came out with the temperature scale. :P

Relative truths.

I see a red shirt. Light falls on the shirt and reflects the wavelength of a frequency we correspond to the colour red. The cones and whatnots in my system interprets it as 'red' and I see a red shirt. So a person who is colour blind doesn't see that shirt as red. To that person, what he sees is his truth. And to me, what I see is my truth. Therefore I call this relative truths. Each sees the truth in his/her/its own ways.

I'm not putting this down coherently. Damn. I think I've read an article before regarding this, a very well written and thought provoking one (or did I?) ... which I've forgotten. Was it the one on Einstein's Theory of Relativity? I liked that one very much too.

Hmmm ...

Okie, to expound on my theory, most truths are relative. So what's the big deal about it? Power is more important. *high-pitched giggle* I never find it hard to tell a white lie when necessary. *derisive laughter*

Hmmm ...

But love transcends it all. It is not a truth. It is simply irrational. Undefined. And it overcomes power. And or things great and mighty. A simple thing which is too complex to understand.

...

Gee ... I think I could write a story base on these line of thoughts. heh ... if I could be motivated enough. Sounds very fantastic.

Anyway ...

Back to earth, or rather ... to armchair. :P

*****
Interesting quotes from Agatha Christie, Towards Zero.

"Why shouldn't I kill myself if I want to?" he demanded.
She replied to that quite seriously.
"Because it's wrong."
"Why is it wrong?"
...
"You don't understand. God may need you."
...
"It may be just that by being somewhere - not doing anything - just by being at a certain place at a certain time - oh, I can't say what I mean, but you might just - just walk along a street some day and just by doing that accomplish something terribly important - perhaps even without knowing what it was."

He paused and gently beat a delicate tattoo on his knee.
"I like a good detective story," he said. "But, you know, they begin in the wrong place! They begin with the murder. But murder is the end. The story beings long before that - years before sometimes - with all the causes and events that bring certain people to a certain place at a certain time on a certain day. ..."

She never creased to amaze. This is probably the third time I'm reading her books. I am as ever, very impressed and amazed.

:)

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I had another of those strange 'story' dreams last night. I dream of a story - a mix between exciting terrorist plot plus naruto-ish. Heh ... must be all the stuffs I've been watching. The evil guy hang himself from the top of the concert hall, threatening to blow everyone to pieces ... and the hero jumped on him quickly and they crashed to the floor, only to realised that it was a dummy! (He did the swap body technique, see.) Quick! To the exits! The mask man is escaping with the treasures and the bomb is still ticking away. Evacuate everyone first, you fool! And we'll never find the charming villian again. So thus I woke ... :)

Exciting no? ;)

*****
I think feminine means, in a way, being gentle, alluring, attractive, (I quote from hubby's blog of words:) beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexy, radiant, alluring, seductive, loveable, kirei ...

heh

And I have to agree it is indeed the way she does things, rather than the things she do.

Ah well ...

I would like to be all powerful and ignore the whole world and live in the mountains with nice turtle-like clouds, cool fresh air ... and control the whole world with just a push of a button.

*bleah*

Good Riddance

I was so fuming angry just now. I swear that if looks could kill, I would have felled a few bodies then and there. breathe in ... breathe out. I cannot suffer fools gladly. I cannot stand stupidity. Err .. not in them kids, but in my fellow plebeians. It was already 3pm, I had not had my lunch, and there I was, waiting for some idiots who simply have to stick with protocols (to hell with them) and waste everybody's time. Come on ... have some trust in us. We aren't stupid nor inexperienced. Why made us go through it again just because you had no self-confidence? I really really was hopping mad. And to top it all, we had to breathe in the evil fumes of rat poison in the room.

grrrrr ....

And guess what, at the end of waiting 45 minutes, the stupid bloody thing didn't work.

*****
I stompped off in mid-word, with a face as black as thunder. They were still trying to convince themselves, even after I showed them that I knew how to use it, and that it won't work right now. I believed I might have made a few more enemies that day. My temper would be my downfall, but I was really hungry ... and I really hated to be treated as a normal tech idiot who has to have things repeated over and over again. Besides I wanted to rush home and prepare dinner for hubby. Ohh ... just thinking of it makes me angry even now.

grrrrr ....

I am impatient, hot-headed and more intelligent than many of the plebeians in the office. Give me a gadget and I can usually get it working in a few minutes. I didn't have to go through computer classes to learn to use the word processers. So what if one of the smart alecks went for excel course and could do some powerful formatting techniques, in which he refused to share with the rest of us and when asked to do a certain task refused to do it, which made me so pissed off, I actually (damn) volunteered to do it and managed to get what I wanted, asking only a couple of questions from a friend. Hmm ... :) Gee ... do I sound swell-headed or what? heh heh. Give me something interesting, and I'll open it apart and find out how it works. That's what I kinda like doing, if I'm interested. I mastered the use of the scanner and program at work without help, while others are still asking me for help, which I gave gladly (and thus she owed me numerous treats :P), and figured how to do the numerous IT programs set to befuddle the most IT-savvy people.

*sigh*

Time to go ... I'm just mad ...

And as this is my blog. I dislike those people.

Give me back my dear cat.

Some people are fools.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Fiddle feeble fo fume

We caught the Bourne Supremacy tonight. Not bad ... not bad at all, only the jerky camera bits were rather nauseating.

I was very sure I've never caught the first movie before, the Bourne Identity. But just now when I was reading through the synosis of the Bourne Identity ... something familiar struck me. Hmmm ... maybe I've watched it before after all, or at least ... read the book before? Darn, cannot remember.

*****

fee fi fo fum

I am so tired. I woke up this morning feeling twenty years older. Now I understand what it feels like to be tired to the bone, right down to the soles of the feet. That was what it felt like last night after yoga. I couldn't even walk straight. Woke up at five and went crashing into the door. heh. The course is coming to an end, do I still want to continue?

*****
My class has gotten into the finals for the cheering competition. To get them to be more united and practise together, I've promised them that I'll treat them to pizza if they win a prize. Shucks. Sometimes I do say the damnest things. I'm not sure yet if I'll stay today and watch them ... but I do hope they'll win. :) Maybe I'll get them sweets and chocolates instead. *bleah* heh .. like they'll forget.

*****
I need to eat less.

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I'm a grouch today. So every single little thing irked me. Why is there a need to give me a copy of the email on paper when I can read it online? Isn't it like ... wasting paper? DUH. Sometimes people are totally brainless. *rolls eyes*

I'm grouchy today too because of other certain things. You see, people will try to make your life miserable just because. Some people are just damn fished. I just feel like I'm being targetted. *sigh* .. Oh well, to hell with all of them. I don't care don't care don't care.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Frivolities continued

The reduction of syllabus is a joke. There is much more homework in fact. Because the extra time is used to ensure that students learn to craft better answers, and the way to acheive this is not to teach them to think, but to make them practise mindlessly, papers after papers, so that they can regurgitate everything at the important time.

Why else is there remedials after remedials, mock tests and timed practices? We have remedials everyday of the week. Monday - Maths, Tuesday - Sciences, Wednesday - Humanities, Thursday - English, Friday - Mother Tongue. One would think the normal school hours is not enough for studying, or that students do not study during that time, in which case, why have lessons got to start so early? We aren't talking about private tuitions outside the school yet.

Are all these for the benefit of the child, or so that the institution looks good at the end of the year when the ranking results are shown nationwide?

What is the purpose of ranking? Is it a useful benchmark for parents and students to choose a good school to go to? What is the purpose of sem? Is it to ensure that teachers are doing their job properly and that tax-payers money is well-spent? There's no trust in the system, only results matters. It's a dog-eat-dog-world out here. The teachers and school will look good if the kids do well. And they'll get monetary rewards.

Hmmm ...

We get rid of the CCA if it doesn't allow students to win awards which translate into points for them to score another A for entry to the higher institution. Yes, we are damn pragmatic.

Hmmm ...

Five days work week? Won't they start complaining that the kids don't have anything to do during the weekends and they'll start hanging around shopping malls and wasting their time? Then will that translate to enrichment programmes during the weekends? Or volunteer work? Or ... ? I'm curious to see what they'll come up with. *grins* ... Oh ... and one wonders if the public will start complaining even more furiously that we are too over-paid.

*****
My back ache, my neck ache ... and my shoulder ache. I need a massage soon, perhaps doing yoga three times weekly isn't such a good idea after all! :P

*****
The three B's stands for Bach, Beethoven and Brahms ... I've never won a pair of free tickets before .. damn, where's the contest again?

Hubby says the three B's stands for breasts, bums and balls.

*****
I'm hungry. I have to stop thinking of food every hour, every minute. All this yoga is going to waste if I keep eating and eating. Arrgh. :P

...

I just had my lunch. Leftover fried rice from last night dinner at my favourite place. yum yum ... but I'm still thinking of food. I think I will ... :) heh heh.

*****
I cannot believe that someone my age who has gone through the same education system as I does not know how to copy files from a disk to the hard drive. *bleah*

*****

Monday, August 23, 2004

Oh rats ...

Did you hear the pitter patter of little feet as they scampered across the false ceiling? Or were they silently sneaking across the boards chewing on the cables and whatnots? Perhaps they may soon cause a little short circuit and create a big fire. Oh, I wish! Maybe at night they'll come out to play, feasting on the cookies and sweets left behind, and running through the papers, stealing some for the nests.

Did I hear you say we are infested? But it's only eight which we've caught (and killed) within two months. Oh, make that nine, including the poor little one which got stuck on the sticky trap left for them, whacked by a brave fellow, and paraded all the way to the P's office this morning. Shhhh ... it's actually a taboo subject, you know, for no one is to know that we keep pets here. We are not infested. There are no little ones running loose and making a playground in the shadows. Oh nooo ... it's just for fun and laughter, peace and joy.

Tell me about it, I've quite lost my appetite. The poor little one got its butt smashed in.

:)

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Frivolities

Ragnarok, the animation, really has a crappy storyline ... so why am I still watching it? *bemused*

Shikamaru (self-confessed lazy bum) in Naruto:
I just wanted to do this ninja thing normally, get paid normally, get married with a woman neither ugly nor beautiful, and have two children. The first one would be a girl, and the next would be a boy. I would retire from my ninja job after my daughter gets married, and my son gets a job. Then I would play shogi and go during the boring days and live free from worldy cares. Then I would die from old age before my wife. That's the kind of life I wanted.
upon volunteering to stop eight evil ninjas and has just frozen them with his shadow technique which is going off in a few minutes or so. *amused*

Yoga today was excellent. I have a very nice ache everywhere right now. :) Mmm ... feels good. Perhaps one day I shall too go to India, and see the mountains there.

A few years ago, grandma was down with complications from uti. Standard procedure was dnar of course, my friend told me. Of course the relatives weren't too pleased. But it was all right since grandma has a very strong heart and she survived it all ... leaving only a mind completely gone. She doesn't recognise anyone or anything or herself, cannot feed herself nor able to move properly and is completely dependent. We cannot leave her alone too. She is actually pretty strong too, which makes it harder. One sometimes wonder ... what is compassion?

Mom's birthday tomorrow. :) Bringing her out for a hair-do and a nice dinner. That's all I can do.

Talking to self ...

Now that I have more time on a Sunday, I must!! I must!! make use of this extra time properly! Always I waste it, again ... heh. I shall put this down on my blog so that there'll be no excuses and it's a reminder for myself.

a. I shall practise an hour on the piano every morning after seeing hubby off to work. b. after which I shall go for yoga. There ... it isn't overly ambitious, is it? Will think of other things to do then.

*****
Hubby said he saw someone riding on a motorbike carrying a carrier strapped to his front, with a cute little dog in it! So cute! But gee ... isn't it sort of dangerous? Too bad, he was trying to juggle his palm to snap a pic, his handphone since I happened to call at the same time, and the steering wheel ... duh, so he didn't manage to get a pic for me.

*****
Doing yoga certainly makes me feel more generous in my outlook with life. I feel more relaxed and less stressed right now. Just this morning, I was feeling rather crotchety and had some nasty thoughts. Heh ... they're rather offensive in a way ... hmmm.

They're really offensive, but hey ... this is my blog right? And these were my nasty thoughts, though I don't really feel that way anymore. Strange how the mind works.

Reading this other person's blog about wanting to die and not finding love again, and asking how to die ... I was very very much tempted to comment there that no one is stopping him from jumping in front of an incoming train. In fact, lately this had happened twice already, whether by accident or by design. And if that person is really serious, he could think about following them. At the end of the day, it'll just be another side-news, another statistic ... and people will soon forget about it. This world is like that, no one really cares about what happened to you. Your own life is in your hands, and we're all just nothing! Only you can make yourself to be something.

That was really a nasty thought wasn't it? Ah well ... let me get it out of my system.

Next nasty thought of the morning: (strange how one's mind becomes nasty sometimes)
I was quite tired to read hewhowritesprettywell's blog ... another boring article of an idealistic system. I shout: It's not practical at all! Horrors! There's no room for dreams to happen in this society we have created! Parents want the best for their children, and they do not want to see them struggle through life like what they have endured, don't they? Hasn't it always been like this for the loving doting parents? (if they are like that, and if they aren't, what then?) And do you know how exactly it is like in schools? We chase papers! O level certs, A level certs, dip certs, degree certs, certificates of awards etc ... so that you can end up with a good job at a desk, from 8-6 everyday like a zombie, support your family, pay the taxes and contribute to the national reserves, and use your cpf for your old age so that you won't be a burden to the society. Oh and don't fall ill. Stay healthy. Oh horrors! No one of any sense wants to be a cleaner, or a construction worker ... or whatever. You must get good grades otherwise the school will not get its awards. We don't want you to think or ask too many questions ... just do it this way, practise the ten-year-series and you'll get your As. I wonder what it was all for. Are we willing to take the risk and gamble upon you winning in the olympics and make a name for yourself? Mediocre vs meritocracy. Which wins?

A person who thinks: which is better? To strike out alone on an unknown path or to tread the familiar well-known path? To be safe or sorry? To argue and uphold one's dreams and visions, or to follow the one who holds the winning ticket? Must one be pragmatic? Can one afford not to be pragmatic? I remembered I read an article by someone who wrote that he was willing to give up his studies and become a professional chess player, and his mentor actually said ... actually told him that playing chess only will not feed him. (or to that extent!) Of course that made him think twice and he decided to continue his studies (and chess as a hobby).

What dreams do we have? I looked at them and wonder. Day after day they are bombarded with more knowledge. To stretch their creativity, we say. To give them more choices, we decided. Forward to a better future. They don't have much of a choice, do they? Life is too good and passion doesn't exist without hardships. There's always a backup plan, and you don't need to go hungry. You don't have to fear being a failure ... for isn't it what it is all about? Failure. Failure. Failure ... Can one live with that?

For at the end of the day, money talks. If you're rich and need not struggle to get your next meal ... you sure as hell can dream.

But perhaps it isn't all that bad after all. There are people who chases their dreams and reap its rewards. Not necessarily monetary, but good enough for them. They are able to withstand real hardships and have lived through suffering. I can only look on ...

... for I sure as hell don't have a dream, nor even had one before.

But I'm happy. Very happy, most of the time. :)

*****
From my hubby's blog ... I quote:

What is our common destination? Oblivion or paradise vs. hell?

If we live each day with the realisation that life is only transient, I guess it would be a given that we would live it differently.

Why do we strive so hard everyday.... for more money, more power, more status? We cannot bring it with us when we go.

Is it because we crave the approval, or even the adulation of our fellow men?

To what end?

Where is the sense of self-worth? the self-esteem? Need we obtain it from the approval of society at large? I guess the answer for the majority of all people must be in the positive.

Are we then striving for the insubstantial and inconsequential?

And yet if this need for approval does not underpin out strivings? What will? What can? What will drag us out of our warm beds at the start of each day?

I have many questions for which I have no answers for.

Yet I know that if I were to have only one more month to live, I would stop all the striving for the insubstantial and inconsequential. I would spend time with family and friends (perhaps travel a bit to see more of this world and it wonders).

To strive is to live in the future. "If I work this hard, I can enjoy myself this much 5, 10, 15 years later". It ignores the present for the ephemeral future. The now, the present, what we can grasp in our hands this instant for the wispy, uncertain future which we hope for but for which we cannot bank on. What I mean is this: we are all alive this instant (I know if you can read this, you ARE), but who is to say we would still be alive at any point in the future?

Perhaps the source of approval for which we base our strivings is inappropriate. Perhaps we should accept that in any case, there is no need to seek approval from the appropriate Source.

All we need to do is to accept Love that is freely offered to us, that we do not deserve. If we were to do so, we are also accepted (reference: the acceptance that we crave for) and justified.

Perhaps that is the answer to all these questions.

Carpe diem


I cannot think anymore, and I don't want to think too much either. For now, I shall just exist ... completely self-centered, caring only for people I love ... till the day I pass.

Does it really matter after all? We live our own lifes ... the choice has always been in our hands.

*****

New Interest

New anime ... which is interesting. :) Samurai Seven! Promising ... much nicer than Hunter X Hunter ... though I might watch it some day soon. Naruto isn't very nice now, and is extremely slow. I think the kick has worn off ... time to look for new stuffs. :)

On a side note, it's nice not to have to work on Sunday. :)

Hmm ... not much info about Samurai Seven though ... still too new.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

OHmygawd~

I thot I thaw ... in google newsth ... ministher mentorsth lee ...

*rolls eyes* what'sth nexth? :P

*****
Back to earth ...

I can never resist food.

I wanted not to eat breakfast this morning.

After driving little bro to the uni and parents to the market, I simply really cannot resist eating my favourite mee pok (chilli) ... the only stall i will ever eat mee pok cos' the fishball mee pok is the best :P been eating there since i was a kid too. heh. the guy gave me extra pork lard. heh heh. extreme sin.

At least I did jog a little this morning. Not sure why, but my legs get itchy when I start running. :( Can't seem to find an explanation for that. Perhaps it's all the release of the histamine.

nice day today ... back to bed. :)

Friday, August 20, 2004

Bon Appetit

Tonight I ate three dinners.

1. Dinner at home because I was too hungry and it was raining, and I didn't really had lunch, and mom prepared dinner already ...
2. The actual dinner was supposed to be at 9pm. So we had drinks. I must say the hot chocolate at Four Seasons rock. Super smooth ... and rich ... mmmmm :) I wonder if Godiva cocoa is just as good? What chocolate did they use to make it?
3. So we had the dinner ... soup was fantastic! Dessert was great too. I'm now definitely feeling like a bloated whale and I cannot lie down just yet.

Tomorrow morning I shall wake up relatively early and go jogging. Have not been to jog for a long long time. I love jogging. Fresh clean air and the wind in the ears ... :) Only thing must jog before the sun completely comes out. That is ... best before 7.30am. :P

Famous last words if I don't sleep now. :P

*grunt*

I'm definitely feeling like the sleeping wombat right now - fat and round. heh.

An unreachable itch

I can't seem to get started to do any work. There's this restlessness in myself. I'm tired ... have been sleeping only about 4 to 5 hours in the past week. Yet, when I tried to take a nap, I can't rest. I'm trying to do work, but I can't give my fullest attention to it. This is just another day where one doesn't feel like oneself. There's this unexplainable, unscratchable itch somewhere.

Arrgh.

Conciliatory note

This is all rather silly ... and petty. But still ... writing is always easy for me. Ha. The previous one would never have done things like that. That's why I respect her more than this other one.

I dislike hypocrisy and inefficiency.

Ah well, since I'm in a better mood today ... :) Besides I've bought another bag yesterday. heh ... and carrying it today.

Yoga helps too. :-)

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Limerick for the Cat

I quote from my dear hubby's blog:

Limerick
meaning: A light humorous, nonsensical, or bawdy verse of five anapestic lines usually with the rhyme scheme aabba. (from dictionary.com)

And I promised to give him an example ... only someone got there before me. *grouch* and wrote a pretty funny limerick for him ...

I quote:

there once was a blogger named mow
who enjoyed a fun word then and now
who should care what they mean
if they look good on-screen
and for all who have seen, take a bow
...by rod

Nevertheless, since I couldn't find the limericks which I used to use in class for Algebra, I've come up with two for the cat. :)

They're not really that silly or funny ... but here goes...

she was black and brown and molted
as cute and cuddly as a poppet
a dear she was
the cat to boss
but now she's gone, heartbreak resulted

:)

And ...

we had an affectionate little cat
who was never good at chasing rat
her paws in the air
belly up then and there
till you scratch her like a little mat

What do you think?

heh heh.

To the memory of our cat. :)

moments

I am feeling depressed. But it's slightly better now. Let's hope that everything will be all right.

*****
I've decided not to write anymore about what happened yesterday. Unhappiness is best left forgotten. There will always be bastards out there, and there will always be crappy days ahead. Suffice to say my eyes are now open slightly wider and my lips and more tightly shut. If I want to say anything next time, I'll blog it down here or let it pass through my head.

Life is just too short to be angry.

And I'm hungry. :P

And I went shopping earlier. heh.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

My Bali Trip



Take a short little walk through the photos of my memories of my Balinese trip. Click here.

Cute Cat


Will there ever be another cat
which let you carry her like that?

Random state of unhappiness and anger

Today is the crappiest day ever ... in my life. I can't believe it how crappy it could be. I guess worse things are yet to come.

Definition:

Main Entry: choice
Pronunciation: 'chois
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English chois, from Old French, from choisir to choose, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German kiosan to choose -- more at CHOOSE
1 : the act of choosing : SELECTION
2 : power of choosing : OPTION

Main Entry: op·tion
Pronunciation: '├Ąp-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: French, from Latin option-, optio free choice; akin to Latin optare to choose
1 : an act of choosing
2 a : the power or right to choose : freedom of choice b : a privilege of demanding fulfillment of a contract on any day within a specified time c : a contract conveying a right to buy or sell designated securities, commodities, or property interest at a specified price during a stipulated period; also : the right conveyed by an option d : a right of an insured person to choose the form in which payments due on a policy shall be made or applied

Main Entry: free·dom
Pronunciation: 'frE-d&m
Function: noun
1 : the quality or state of being free: as a : the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action b : liberation from slavery or restraint or from the power of another : INDEPENDENCE c : the quality or state of being exempt or released usually from something onerous (choice of freedom)


There is no such thing as freedom of choice or freedom per se. A choice has got no freedom. Even the meaning of freedom in itself is an oxymoron. I especially refer to this sentence the 'absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action'. What bulls.

Why do I write that? Because no matter what happens, when you make a choice, there is responsibilities. And with responsibilities, there is constraint and necessity ... a choice can never be free, a person can never taste freedom.

*****
I am upset and unhappy therefore I am angry. Or is it the other way round? Or maybe just all three.

The only way to obtain utter freedom is a. to die. b. to be extremely rich and build yourself a castle with a moat at the top of the mountains, grow poison ivy around the walls and place wild creatures to guide your borders. heh.

I'm upset because something happened today which made me realised that this is an extremely unfair and cruel and heartless organisation/world. And my freedom actually lies in the hands of stupid morons. I am again reminded of how much I actually hate people. See: I wrote down: dislikes - humans

*sigh* ... so what can be done now? I have bought a canister of Pringles - spicy cajun. Have to learn: anger management and believe in: being resigned and hopelessness, and acheive: state of non-broodingness and non-thinkingness.

*****
Definition:
Main Entry: in·tel·li·gence
Pronunciation: in-'te-l&-j&n(t)s
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin intelligentia, from intelligent-, intelligens intelligent
1 a (1) : the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations : REASON; also : the skilled use of reason (2) : the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests)


I've also read somewhere that a person with high IQ is one who can adapt very easily.

Me? Then must be of a low intelligence. I find it extremely hard to adapt. I am going to suffer from withdrawal symptomes for a while.

a. It takes too long for the next Naruto episode.
b. I will be very slightly less busy officially as of Monday and I'll be suffering from all the extra time I have.
c. I have become overly materialistic and the absense of a certain important factor is going to give me some heartache.
d. I still have not come to terms with what happened today.

Thought of the day: Oh boy, is it a crappy day today or is it just me? I refuse to change my mindset therefore it is a crappy day today.

:)

Monday, August 16, 2004

Sunset. The greek cat. An excerpt


See ... I can take pictures of sunsets too. Haha ... show off! ~bleah



This is a photo of a cat taken by a friend when he was in Greece. I say, it's really the most elegant cat I've ever seen! See how he posed, see how royal he looked! Hah ... you humans are all like mice ... pesky and irritating. heh. I have no idea how my friend managed to get such a pretty picture of the cat. I 'stole' the photo from him when he wasn't looking. heh heh. :)

*****
I quote from my hubby's blog ... he refuses to allow me to link there, because he's paranoid that knife-welding crazed mentally deprived buggers would come after him. hee.

Purpurse....
If a tryee fawls in the maeddle orf a forust wid' no'une to heer eat, dorst it miin that the tryee deed nort fawl?

Mebbe the maw impawtant qwestchurn to awsk is whither the tryee cares..

(Ahhhhhhhhhhh,,,,, my head hurts from trying to write like that... later then)


me atame ga itai desu trying to read like that too! *LOL*

Some photos from Japan years ago :)

I guess there's no short-cut in doing this. But I just want to share some of the nicer photos (without pple) which I took in Japan when I was there with Wen years back. :) These are the memories which will forever remain in my mind. All the beautiful gardens and parks and shrines.

*****

This was the backyard of the ryokan we stayed in Japan. Or was it the front? heh ... I cannot remember. :P


The trees are hushed and the wind is still. It is not dark yet. Them tall trees line both sides of the pebbled path. The path curved at the far end yet surely it must lead somewhere? Step onto the path and let your feet carry you to somewhere, anywhere, and leave your worries and cares behind.


A thousand steps lead to the shrine. Couples walk up hand in hand, to the shrine they go to pray for happiness together. How tall can the trees get?


I think this was what we saw at the top of all those stairs. If I remember correctly, this was the shrine at the Mt Fuji (or rather, the mountain next to Mt Fuji).


It was a hidden garden where we peered out. The emperor's own secret garden in his palace grounds. The bonzais were perfectly shaped and not a leaf out of synch. The gardeners sure work hard for this. Perhaps it's off with his head if the Emperess is displeased? ;)


The castle of a warlock. He who hires samurais and shinobis. At night where there are secret meetings and where they are ordered to carry out orders of assinations and treasure hunting. To crush the pitiful underlings and rob the rich. Woohoo, don't your imagination just come alive with all the dark secrets?


This is the park right in the middle of the city. Where we went to have breakfast at. Bought MacDonalds breakfast and went down there to have a picnic and feed the ducks. Heh ... I just loved it! See the crane? It's not very well taken though.


And don't ask me why the swan (or is it a goose?) is swimming with the ducks? Perhaps it is indeed an ugly ducking turned into a ... goose? :P

*****
I smell food ... that's all for the moment. ;)

My Missing Cat



I know she doesn't look very impressive. But she's really the most affectionate creature ever. I miss her.

Some photos from Australia

whew ... I finally managed to get the scanner working, downloaded the adobe photoshop, twiddled with it a little ... and hey, am I a genius or what? heh heh ... I must confess that I don't quite understand how it actually works, but who cares, I managed to get some pictures up! yay. :)

Perhaps I'll learn how to use it properly if I get a proper photoshop and when I have lots of time.

So ... *drum rollz*, here are some pics I took last year in Australia. Where we went to Goldcoast and ... erm, where?

*****


This is the cute little sleeping wombat we saw in Australia. Ohhh .... isn't it adorable? Don't you wish you can sleep like that peacefully? :)



This picture was past of the scenery taken in the cable car as we went up to the rainforest in the mountains. I think it's a dam.


This was where we went horse-riding. Aiyah ... most of the pics I've taken are with people. Can't put them in. They'll freak out if they knew ... heh heh. My horse was a real poser. She really posed for the camera ... show off.


This one was taken at the Dreamworld or something. My memory is failing me. The peacock refused to cooperate and open its tail, and I was pretty fed up waiting for it. Heck.


I know ... I got a thing about creatures ... but looking at this seagull, I just can't resist taking it. Kinda reminds me of Jonathon Livington Seagull. :) This is some beach in front of the hotel. We took a walk on the last day before we flew. Finally managed to wake up early enough to do so. heh. :)

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Once upon a time ...

... not too long ago, there was a boy who had some problems with a classmate. He was a class leader of sorts and he took his responsibilities very seriously. The class wasn't the best of classes and he spent time talking to them and trying to get them to change for the better. He cared a lot about the class who didn't really cared much. He was also a self-confessed perfectionist and a cynic and he lost sleep over his classmates. Now this classmate of his over-rode his authorities on certain matters and he was very upset. He was especially upset when she did silly things like spending over $200 on a class outing and other stuffs major or minor. Whenever anything happened to the class, he felt that he had to answer to everything. At times he felt that he was on breaking point and he felt lonely when no one supported what he did. He was an only child and he was critical of his parents, his teachers and even his classmates.

*****
I'm trying to get my scanner up, but it doesn't seem to be working. Horrors of horror! I don't have any software for scanning or photo-editing. So here I am trying to download some try-out version of the adobe software. Hmm, perhaps I should wait for some experts to tell me what's next.

*****
Sometimes it's hard to care too much. Especially if it's a thankless job. People are not sheep and they do not follow orders that easily. And every individual has their way of doing things. Whether it may be good, or stupid, or ungracious, or ... whatever. It may hurt to see someone going down the wrong path, but he/she has to face that path on his/her own. One can talk, advise, critisize, scold, shout, wring the hands, stomp the feet ... but at the end, can one change anything? If a person has a loud mouth and sprews out foul things, what can one say to stop that person? If people are bad role-models and selfish and thoughtless, what can you do to change them? And the young are most suspectible and vulnerable, but where are the parents and responsible adults? All working and uncaring. It's only the money that talks.

Isn't it inevitable that we are where we are? It's not surprising to see youngsters not saying thank you or please, or being polite and offering their help. I see them kids scolding the librarian that as an employee (who is being paid), why can't they do what they (kids) want? I see them talking back even though they are being scolded for not doing their homework.

In today's papers (which I read only the headlines) I thought I saw something that one of the correct ways to discipline kids is to reason with them. Hmmm ... reason? That is assuming they are 'mature' enough to be reasoned with. And they could agree with whatever you say but still do the same wrong things again, couldn't they? There is no fear nor respect nor reason for any authorities anymore. The good are boring, the bad are charming and glam.

Oh ... and I was told that kids nowadays are like that ... all over the world.

*****
To Razz: It's impossible to debate with someone who doesn't have an open-mind or is too immature to see things beyond the tip of the nose. :P But it's easy to be nasty.
And it's easy to get personal too, which becomes an all out defending for the crown. :P

*****
I told the boy to let go somewhat and to take care of himself. Losing sleep and getting depressed is not the solution to anything. Things will eventually take care of themselves, and sometimes if it's beyond his control, to get his teacher involved as well. He meant well but he's not getting through them the right way. They were annoyed with him and they felt that he was the one who was narrow-minded, high-and-mighty, and 'full-of-morals'. There are people who will never see beyond their noses, but one could always hope that they will learn somewhere sometime when they are ready. He said my class is so well-behaved ... hmm, I think it's about time to scold them and push them somewhat ... too many good things and they've become rather lazy again. *slaps forehead*

*****
Now, sitting here comfortably, I'm reminded that a few days ago, I was complaining somewhat about the long working hours. :P Heh ... I shall take that back. 9 hours seems a lot to me, but there are people working 11 to 13 hours everytime. Take hubby who has to work 13 hours somedays. So what I should have said was the unusual crappy day I had ... but it's really isn't so bad most of the times.

Speaking about complains ... my next grouse is that ... It sure is a hell long time to wait for the next Naruto episode! Arrgh!!!

:P

And since I'm on the topic of complains, my kids complained that the relief teaches by scribbling on the board and going fast. And they didn't like it, because 1, they could not understand; 2, he went too fast; 3, they couldn't hear him; 4, no notes. I said ... cool! That's how it should be actually ... shouldn't it? Instead of spoonfeeding and giving them nicely-printed notes so that they don't have to listen in class or to use their head and think or to lift their fingers and write their own notes or read up before the lesson. *laughs* However, my hands are tied. I'm doomed to do everything against my choice. Because that is the way it is. That is the way I've been told to do ... by someone rather high there. ha.

The Two Cats

The two cats were mewing pitifully away when we arrived. I immediately felt sorry for them. They must be hungry, mustn't they? It was a heartwrenching sound. Whine whine mews. But hubby says ... no, don't feed them! huh? Look at them, so fat and sleek ... ha. There are other people feeding them, and these two cats are the absolute ingrates. After they get what they want, they'll disappear. They aren't even affectionate like our missing cat! They don't even allow you to get near them to pet or play with them! They're just manipulative little creatures. Little parasites. They don't need to be fed. They have their own food stored away somewhere. Like some organisation which have a reserve for three years! NAhh ...

Later on, the fat one with a big expecting tummy tried to crawl out under the gate, and was stuck fast. Her sis look on with worry but the fat one finally managed to unstuck herself after shreking decibels and decided that she's really too fat to squeeze out from there. At least she got some brains for not trying it again. Jumped out from somewhere then. For their main meals. And when we came back later, they were back in the yard, happy as can be, but mewing for more tibbits. heh.

I'll feed them if they come to me and let me pet first. :)

More on Naruto







I like Kakashi best because he is so darn funny sometimes. And kawai too, don't you think so? Perhaps I'll put up a couple of pics of the hero Naruto ... later, since his pics are giving me some problems. But here's Kakashi-sensei, maybe it is his masked face which makes him so mysterious and cool. Actually I like a lot of the other characters too. Jiraiya is becoming more likable as well. Really nice anime! :)

Saturday, August 14, 2004

The continuous state of growing old

Tonight is the first time I've ever been to Zouk. And just for drinks. I'm never one for such stuffs. I think I've been to a total of ... what? 3 or 4 times to a pub/nightspot. And we usually leave early. Alcoholic drinks are not really my type of drinks. They usually either taste like cough syrup or ... cold medciene. I remembered the first time when I had my first cocktail ... I'd almost threw it up :P Tasted like some cold medciene syrup form. yikes. heh. And I don't like the smoke, nor the loud music. Gosh .. have I always been that ... old? :P

The best alcoholic drink I've ever tasted so far is this particular Port - Tawny Port by Cockburn's, at a friend's place. Apparently one bottle cost a few hundred! But it was really good! Mmmm :) Perhaps I'm just fussy with what I drink. ;)

Red wine tastes nicest with medium rare steak. Come to think of it, the nicest steak I've tried is the one I cook myself! hahaha. Hubby agrees too, I bet. :) Too bad cooking steak really smokes up the whole house, not just the kitchen.

*****
*evil mode on*
Sometimes when I'm really bored, I would read Shewhoshouldnotbenamed. It's rather amusing, really. One wonders if anyone notices the rather skewered eyes she has ... you know, the way her eyes are crossed. It's also rather amusing to read the exchanges of Shewhoshouldnotbenamed and Hewhowritesprettywell. In my own evil opinion, I guess one does really have a choice whether to read or not to read another person's blog. Then again one does have the freedom to comment. Whether it is offensive or not ... it's freedom of speech, yeah? *laughs* ... still, it makes for killing time sometimes. :P

Me .. I'd rather not offend anyone here. After all, this is a place for me to write my everyday little thoughts, it's nice to get comments from people now and then, and I certainly wouldn't like to get comments from people judging me or critising me or whatever. To each his/her own. Then again, if one does not exchange words, if one simply lives in one's own head, one will never learn and grow to be a better person. Hmm ... there was a meaninful little phrase I've recently heard regarding this ... but I've forgotten the actual words. :( Nevertheless, it's nice to read what others share with one, and some people really serves as an inspiration to life. While some others obviously do not, but are rather entertaining anyway. heh.

Perhaps I'm just a snob.

*****

Today ... I thought of the Cat again. We really missed her. Especially now that I've just got the photos. There's one with me carrying her in my arms like a doll and she's just so ... so sweet, lying limply in my arms without struggling. *sniff*

It's really sad to lose her. But whenever I think of her, it always brought a smile to my face. Bittersweet.

Crazy little thing called me.


Got this somewhere ... I forgot where.

I drive - Renault New Megane Cherry Red

If I have time to myself: I read, listen to music, take a walk downtown to shop, go to the library

You wouldn't know it but I'm very good at: doing computer stuffs work related

The person I'm closest to is - my hubby and my family

Comfort reading: Anything by Agatha Christie

Comfort eating: potato chips and chocolates

Movie Heaven: 50 First Dates, Spirited Away ...

My biggest regret: Not learning the violin when I had a chance when I was a kid

When I was a child I wanted to be: An architect

At night I dream of: my new place

The thing I wish I'd never worn: -

All my money goes on: paying the bloody bills...

My favourite building: shrines and parks in Japan

The shop I can't walk past: hmmm ...

My favourite work of art: -

Gadget I can't live without: my computer with internet connection

The best invention ever: ice-cream!

Friday, August 13, 2004

Anticipation

The latest Naruto episode 95 & 96 wasn't very interesting. After waiting so long for it, it felt rather lame actually. humf.

I shall seek out the bed instead.

Grrrowwl ...

I am fuming mad right now. Freaking bad mood today. Writing this down hopefully will calm me down somewhat. I'll put down a whole list of grouses later. Grrrrr.

*****
1640h
Still at work. Whoever says we work for very little hours are damn bloody mistaken. I'd like to see those pple doing it! Ha. I bet they can't last very long! I've been working 9 hours straight, running around, up and down ... screaming at the top of my voice and doing all kinds of things - computer stuffs, markings, lesson preparation, CCA etc. Still got lots of things left undone. When will everything end? There's no rest for the undead. Oh well ... *shrug*

On a happier note, Naruto episodes 95 & 96 are out and bro has downloaded it. It means I can go home and watch later! yay! heh ... I think the fighting parts are a bit too long-winded. That's the problem with manga/anime. They get carried away with the fighting and that could span like a few dozen episodes. Hey, get on with the story, duh! :( And the biggest problem which is seen by most of the manga/animes is that because of the fighting which drags on too long, people get tired and the writer also loses touch of the storyline. That's really bad. The good manga are the ones which end short and sweet. The best I remembered was one which was about tennis... only 10(?) volumes ... makes one wish for more. But because it was short and succulent, it really remained in one's memories - with a happy ending.

Ah well, still something to look forward to on a Friday evening. :)

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Hypochondraic

Bextra took slightly more than 30 minutes to work completely, still there was a very slight lingering echo after that. I remembered the last time it took only 15 minutes or so, or was I wrong? I shall keep track now and see. Does taking it too often result in tolerance towards the drug? I hate popping tablets. I'd rather take a day off and sleep it off. heh *wishful thoughts* ... well, at least I did not insist that a little bump in the ear was leprosy. *blinks innocently* :P Sorry about the dig ... :P *puff cheeks out*

My colleague sneezes non-stop 10 times or so and she's down with flu. I sneeze non-stop 100 times but I'm not. Damn.

*****
I have not gotten over Naruto yet. Experiencing withdrawing symptomes while waiting for the next episode. Arrrrgggghh! Will watch a few more tonight ... There are some other new animes. Ragnorak looks rather promising, but doesn't seem as funny or interesting.

Need.to .. crawl ... into ... shell ... now ....

Yet another of those days

... where I wake up in the morning with a sharp pain on one side of my head, and the headache will not go away for the rest of the day. Any sudden movement will cause the pain to stab, else it's just a dull ache. My poor dear heavy head!

*****
Last night I went to queue to get the rebate. Long queue! 30 minutes of queueing! I've never queued so long before! I hate queueing. Usually if I see something like that I'll just forget it. But it was hard to resist, especially since we went all the way there. Wen regretted not buying the Tod's bag during that time. *lol* I wish I had done so too ... heh.

Anyway, I wonder if I would get it after all ... apparently have to wait ... hmm. Hmmm ....

*****
When you have been assigned to do something against your wishes, is it still volunteering? *ponder*

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Another of those days

I feel depressed ... and angry. It's one of those days when I have to face all forty-five of them, noisy, irritating and stupid idiots they are. What to do? *sigh* :-( ... It's a totally crazy system. One wonders what they are thinking of.

Anyway, I shan't put down the unhappy things here. My memories shall only be happy. Good thing there's my dear hubby who's there for me ... I won't go crazy then. ^.^ Life isn't all that bad ... really.

*****
1500h
Just got some good news here! I won!! I won!!! heh heh ... money back for lunch on Mon with Wen ... free treat for both of us ... heh, shall treat her to ice-cream then. :)

Too bad Wen didn't tell me about it earlier ... damn, thou shalt not be greedy. :P

*****
1635h
I'm dreaming of the delectable homemade ice-cream at alila manggis. Oh ... nothing can beat that! Not even haagen dazs. I think it has to do with the local cane sugar. If I close my eyes and keep my tongue still, I can even taste the ice-cream now! ahh ... hahaha.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Ganbatte



From here.

*****
And I've managed to do all the things I've planned to do today! Yay me! Tidied up the room, even vacumned it! Heck, vacumn cleaners should think of going cordless too! Maybe battery operated plus rechargable. And they should go lighter. It's not nice having to lug that big thing around the place and keep getting tangled up with the cables! I mean the design have been around for ages, there should be a newer version. Maybe I should patent my idea. :) Hmm, I wonder if those vacumn cleaners which can mop as well is good. Always see them demonstrating in those shopping centres.

Finished my markings too. Killer paper, why set so difficult? They aren't going to do well at all. And not enough time too. I wouldn't have given such a tough one. Then again, there's always the one who gets full marks. Scolding time, I guess. :P

Mum says scanner still around. Maybe I'll put some of my nice trees and ducks and bears pictures up too. heh heh.

From me, to me.

Day after day, time after time, flies by so quickly. The good news is that today is still a holiday for me, and I really have to make the best out of it instead of wasting it like the last three days.

Oh, if only I can get Naruto out of my head first! :P My head is simply filled with ninjas, excitment, ninjutsu, laughter and the animations. That is what comes of being too obsessed. Yesterday I started watching the clips a second time. And still can't wait for the next one to come. Been reading the info page too ... but I guess there's nothing new anymore for now.

In the anime Naruto, there are actually a lot of lessons to learn. Never give up, never never give up. Even if you have been beaten to a pulp. Live for your dreams, live to protect the people you love. Never lose hope. It's quite touching really. Here's a part which was rather sad but memorable: When the evil Orochimaru asked Tsunade to heal his hands, and for that, he promised to bring back her little brother and boyfriend who was killed in the war years back, the two people she loved most. And she missed them so much she was actually seriously considering to agree. Then she got to know Naruto and she realised that she will be betraying their dreams. And this was what she said to Orochimaru, 'You once said that all things with form will fade, but memories will never fade.' .. Okie, that is what she said if the translation is correct. heh.

****
I quote from Razz:

It doesn't matter what we have or don't have, it's how we relate to those around us. And that starts with family. From the day we are born, we're told that we're this or that or the other thing and we believe it because it's all we know as children. When we grow up, we may embrace it or we may run away from it. We may extend it to include other relationships, but it always goes back to the identity assigned to us by family. When someone who defines such a large part of us is suddenly gone, we flounder. We don't know who that part of us is anymore and we desperately search to find it again. We cling to every little piece of it we can. I've seen this over and over, both in myself and in others.


Very meaningful! :)

This reminded me of a story I once read a long time ago. About this character who did not feel that she existed at all, because she was so much alone and there was no one she knew to confirm her existence. So she put mirrors in her house, everywhere, on all the walls, so that she can see herself in the mirror and knew she existed. She didn't have an identity, she only wanted to exist. And one day, she went on a quest ... and finally found her identity. :)

Also, in Naruto, because Naruto had the demon fox in him, he was shunned and avoided when he was young and he grew up as a troublemaker and did a lot of pranks just so that people will admit his existence. However, he had a friend and teacher who understood the pain and tried to love him for himself. Unlike Gaara, who was in the same shoes, who was betrayed and hated, and they both ended up so differently. Now Naruto found friends and fight to protect them whereas Gaara only live in hatred and lonliness. It was rather sad, but the story ended with Gaara realising that perhaps things could change for the better after all.

Note to self: Okie, let's not get overly cynical about it. All stories leads to happy endings obviously. :) It's not real after all, so don't be too hard on the story. Perhaps in real life, things will eventually lead to a happy ending if one works hard to make it come true. :)

People around you truely plays an important part in the making of yourself! That is why the family and loved ones are very important. The young kids who go home to an empty house where parents are always so busy to have time for them are the worst casualties. And perhaps that is why we need to find people to love and be loved, to have a relationship, so that we can be accepted and loved, so that we can feel to be in existence.

*shrug* I don't know ... bit too early for much thinking, will wait to read more from razz. :)

*****
*stretch*
This is what I shall do today: It's about time to tidy up room again. Go to the bank, do some real work, and go for yoga at night. If I know myself, in between I'll be watching Naruto again (repeated this time) heh heh ... and probably finding some excuse to laze around.

And just one final note, I did my hair and it didn't turn out as how I would really have liked it. Lesson learnt: never trust other people. Never agree to let other people put their will around you. Must be insistent and persistent and put your feet down firmly on the ground. *bleah*

Monday, August 09, 2004

Boring times

The mood to write has somewhat fizzled. Not that I'm doing something fun and interesting for the past few days. I would like to go away for a holiday though, what with this long weekend. Like Hong Kong or maybe to Bali again. But hubby doesn't want to go, and he doesn't want me to go without him. I wonder if we would be planning for a trip to Japan anytime soon. ...

Ah well. At least I've finished watching all the available clips of Naruto. I'm extremely amazed by the creativity of the Japanese. Of the author who wrote the manga series. Of the people who come together to create the anime. Totally different from the fantasy books by western writers, which tends to run on the same theme after a while. Naruto has a combination of magic, fighting, humour and depth, and every clip keeps one glued to the screen and wanting more. There are surprises everywhere. I hope the story continues to be this exciting. There is a promising storyline ahead. There are moments which are silly and funny and makes you scream with laughter, and moments which are sad and touching and meaningful. Now I have to wait every week for the next episode. Damn.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Keep out! :P

Urrgh .. I hate it when people invade into my personal space. Just this morning, she grabbed me by my arm, pulled me to the side to whisper into my ears. Whisper? Breathing hot air down my neck more likely. Whisper? I think everyone can hear you too! Arrgh ... too close, I hurriedly took a step back, but she clung on with her claws, determined to share confidences with me. Again I cringed and tried to back off, but she just came nearer. Good god woman, I don't want to have anything to do with you. I don't even talk to you most of the time! madness! madness! Okie, just nod your head and agree with whatever and finally after she had her say, oh laughing ... big secret it was ... to hell with it actually, sorry I'm actually in the middle of something, and who cares really about it ... whew, I'm finally released.

*****
Naruto
here.

I've only stopped because there's a problem with the next clip too, and I guess it's too late to barge into my bro's room to watch it now. :P Things are getting rather heated up. I still think I like Kakashi best. But the rest are starting to be interesting. heh

And oh dear, another late night. :)

*****
Today PM called me. :) Well, to be more accurate, she called me but I was busy so I called her back later. It's really nice to hear from her again. She's so busy with calls and stuffs, and I'm really happy she's trying to make time for me. Best friends certainly do not come with expiry dates. *grins*

Perhaps one just has to be patient and keep calling and sms-ing and keep asking. *grins*

*****
Hubby has a thought. Perhaps he'll take up with the offer. He's certainly considering it quite a bit. I'm two minds about it. Part of me is worried about the risks involved. Now we are comfortably off and probably getting complacent, and there are also loans to pay and our house to look forward to. On the other hand, it does sound really exciting, and it's a break from normal boring routine. He has to decide on his own eventually, but I will do what I can, like keep an open mind about it and not nag. Hmm, if we do uproot ourselves, what can I do there? Definitely challenging. :)


*****
Caught The Village last night. Not a bad show, but rather slow. Was frightening myself silly for nothing. Hubby must be silently laughing away. :P Interesting idea it has though. Aren't people all afraid of the unknown? Of fear itself? Oh well ... are humans the only creatures with an overactive imagination?

Got to go and sleep. Sleeping for about three hours every night isn't going to do any good for my eye bags. :(

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Idle thoughts

I would like to be a ninja!!! *laughs* Super cool! Oh, not that stupid Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles okie!! Humf. heh ... okie, I've been watching Naruto. Ninja. anime. But then I always like such stuffs. When I played Wizardry a long time ago, I rolled the dice thousands of times until I could get a ninja and a samurai. Either that or a dark assasain. Ohh ... I love the speed, the secrecy and mystery surrounding them, and the dark magic and ninjutsu and stuffs. Gosh, now they even talk about chakras. *laughs* All mixed up indeed.

I remember when we played the OTB RPG, I chose to be a bard. (because DM didn't have ninja .. humf) A jack of all trades but a master of none. Thought it was rather cool actually to be able to do lots of different stuffs, interesting! And to do things not within the norm. Unfortunately we didn't really get to play much. It was really rather fun though. Miss those days.

And now doing yoga makes me feel as if ... well, dunno how to put it ... but it feels good for the body and mind and spirit. :) I'm not sure I'm a good yogi though. During practice like today ... in the middle of a tough pose and sweating it out, all I can think of is how nice to be having an ice-cream later! *grins* And I'll never be able to go on a diet. Hungry after class ... thinking of food. I bet Wen doesn't do that. But it's her fault if I do think of ice-cream. Last time when we did yoga together, we always had an ice-cream after that to reward ourselves. haha .. extremely bad habit!

I feel so alive after yoga. Hope I don't start aching the next few days. I'll need to put in some practise on my own too, and not sit in front of the computer and watch animes all day. heh ... which do you think is more likely to happen? *laughs*

*****
Been meaning to get this off my chest. A while back, someone (I shan't name names here) mentioned that doctors get very high pay (yeah right, divide that by the number of hours per day and it's actually peanuts huh). And ... think about this: when they are ill, they aren't really able to get an mc and rest. They still have to continue to work. It really sucks you know, being sick and not able to rest while there are pple out there with a little minor problem and they come asking for mc all the time. And talk about high pay ... what about the ministers?

...

*bleah*

I knew I was putting my neck in the noose. :P

I meant to say SOME pple. General statements like these always feel like it's meant for all ... I thought I had made it clear it was only for some. Darn, didn't have time to edit. Let's see: Logic wise, is a general statement considered true because it's true for some and not for all? Heh, okie, point taken, Mathematically speaking, it cannot be true because it's not true for all cases. (Fermat's Last Theorem. I never quite understood it.) Therefore what I said can be considered an assumption or only true for some individuals. :P

Anyway my comment was to the quotation of the person re-i quoted.

I know of some pple who are unhappy no matter what, and they just get by. And some pple who are happy no matter whether they are single or attached or whatever. I know of some people who are unhappy being single and wishes to find someone; and others who are happy to be single and don't want to change their status. I know of some pple who are unhappy being married and some others who aren't. I know of some pple who don't know how to be happy and one who knows how to be happy even when she is forever confined to the bed and probably won't live long. Sometimes I wonder if the ability of being happy is in the genes. ;P

*****
On a puffing-cheeks-out note, some people stash away secret caches of alcohol. Me ... I have just stashed away a secret cache of chocolates. heh heh

*****
And to razz: I read your blog too. :) I admire and appreciate the beauty and passion in your writings and the courage you have to face everyday. It's very difficult for me to comment in your blog, for all those memories you have are too colourful - full of sadness and happiness, and whatever I can say seems too insignificant.

Me, my blog is just for me to write whatever rubbish which comes into my head, which are usually happy little nothings, or everyday grumbles, and an outlet for my other self of prejudiced and bigoted views - non-politically correct stuffs which I have to get off my chest sometimes so that I can conform to the usual sheeps out here. :P

Monday, August 02, 2004

A few things about today.

Actually I've forgotten what I wanted to complain about today. *laughs*

Lunch at work in the canteen today, was like ... not even 'tump' into the tummy but the food was completely dissipated before reaching the bottom. And for two bucks, it's actually not that value for money. And that was one of the main reasons why today was the second time I had lunch there this year. Most of the time I'm on a bread-roll. :P

*****
From re-iminse's latest entry, I quote:

Never wait for a phone call. They never happen. Except on TV.

It's a bit like watching a kettle boil, except not. Otherwise the phone would be reduced into a foul smelling slag heap. ...

True ... never wait for a phone call. Do the calling yourself!! :) Why wait for the phone call? If the person means something to you, give him/her a call! What's all this rubbish about waiting for the other person to call? I'm always having to call my friends. They never did call ... really. Life is so short, why wait for the other person to call? I read a story once which says of one person always wanting to call another, but didn't and finally when he decided to, the other person has passed away.

And speaking about kettles refusing to boil when you glare at them ... how true, how true. :)


And why is it, that everytime you are convinced that you are over someone, when you are happy and content with your single life, that all you have to do is see/ hear that the person is with someone else, and everything goes to pieces?


You see, the key word here is your single life. The way I see it, perhaps once a person has tasted the life of a couple, a close couple with lots of happy memories, being alone takes a high level of adaptability and the loss is there. So it's not very correct to say 'happy and contented' with single life. That stage is just temporary and highly unstable, and anything may topple that illusion. It's said that time heals all, but to me, I think, finding another to fill that emptiness is a better healer. One will always have the memories with oneself, but it's really up to you to be happy.


Why is it that somehow, the people that are the worst for us, we tend to love the most??
Because ultimately, at the end of the day, we're all fools in the great game of life.

Well, I shall be unbearable, condescending, and patronising ... *laughs*. I think there are people out there who need to achieve something unachievable, who strives for something unattainable, who yearns for something never theirs, who prefers the abuse than non-recognition ... and they enjoy the nobility of suffering, subconsciously ... because wishing, yearning, unreciprocated love gives them a meaning to struggle through life, though they may think it is meaningless, but the meaning is in the meaningless ... it's like one is always doing something to achieve that unachievable state of happiness, instead of getting there too easily and finding that it is so boring after all. Do these people actually know the value of their own lives? There is so much more things in the world, than to be a little fool.

But then these are just the thoughts of a non-entity in this world. Who cares if you wish to be unhappy?

Sunday, August 01, 2004

The problem with sleeping late

Oh dear, I'm going to have trouble waking up early tomorrow. But absolutely unrepentent. We caught Woman in Black today. Eh ... not very frightening at all. I can think of two reasons. A, part of the scariness come from the atmosphere itself, the theatre in London IS supposedly haunted. And obviously an old building with a long history holds more gruesome imaginations than a new and small centre. B, my friend told me too much of it and I guess I kinda expected what to look for, and the story was rather predictable too. Oh well ... excellent acting though. :)