Monday, November 21, 2005

Coping mechanism

There are some who drink themselves to oblivion, either alone or with friends.

In a big crowd, elbows josting one another, smoke-filled haze, loud mind-numbing music, one glass after another, not for the taste nor for the quality, but just to have an ephemeral of feelingless, and to throw up all that which churned within.

Or alone, in a dim room, a bottle on the table, or bottles, also one glass after another, head cradling in hands, perhaps low music, perhaps not, inconsolable, everyday, for the ache and frustration does not go away, red eyed.

Time passes by quickly then. Easier to sleep too.

There are some who write thousands and thousands of words, articulating their thoughts, putting the devil to pen, laughing at oneself, cynicism, mocking, to hurt even more, not others, but self, hating, hating.

There are some who would pick up a knife, or a penknife, and slash, and slash, to feel the pain which is still so much lesser than the ugliness within. Perhaps there is a wish, but hesitant, still a little afraid, still a little unsure.

There are some who would lie on the bed all day, curtains drawn, windows closed, eyes empty, staring at the whitewashed ceiling, empty within, empty without, white noise beating with the heart, just breathe, perhaps not even yet couldn't.

Or stare at the TV, flicking one channel over another, loud noiseless music, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, not caring, not noticing.

There are some who would haunt a place, an unknown stranger in a sea of sardines, anonymous, nameless, faceless, going where the restless feet brings, picking up things on whim, not caring, not knowing.

And all to while away time. Time for the heart to beat, time for the ache to throb, time for the breath to catch, time for the anger to fester, time for the frustration to gnaw, time for the sadness to dissipate, time for the depression to lift.

And the world continues to rotate three hundred and sixty-five and one quarter days.

Isn't this pretty? :)

Unfortunately the matching ear-rings and necklace were sold out. There was another pair of ear-rings, but they were too chunky for me. I don't usually get the bracelet, but this was a little irresistable. :P

And it did made me happy, for a while.

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