Don't mess up my kitchen!

One can never have two women of different personalities in one kitchen.

I like my kitchen neat and clean and dry. Everything in its place, no disposables, no unsightly rubbish in the sink, on the top etc. I can become obsessive with the cleanliness in my kitchen. All my stuffs must be kept neatly in nice tupperwares, plates are to be washed clean and dried. And everything must be neat.

Plates must be washed with detergent before drying. You cannot use the dirty tablecloth to wash those plates!! Noooo!!! She never believes in using soap. I'm going to have to wash those dishes again. Later.

I'll just keep out of sight before I flip. :P

Reunion Dinners

How many reunion dinners can one go to?

Number One. Last night at Wen's place was fabulous. Food was good, as always. There were fish, vege with abalone and prwans, shark's fin soup, sweet and sour pork, pork in XO sauce, and drunken chicken. A spread worthy of any restuarant. There were only six of us. This is the dunno how many times I've been invited to her place for her reunion dinner. A bit strange you might think, but I'm just making up the numbers so that her mom can cook more dishes. Heh. And everyone at the table are small eaters. I'm there to sweep all the food clean and even dapao some back for dear hubby. Heh heh. Baby behaved pretty well last night too. Slept quite a bit and was pretty calm. Being difficult only when we reached home at night. Oh well.

Number Two. Lunch with hubby's family later. Pot-luck style as always. This year one of his brothers have gone to work/live in Korea. It's pretty sad because there are four less people. You need to have lots of people for a nice reunion dinner. I shall be making shark's fin soup (first try!), kailan with mushrooms and abalone with prawns. Someone gave us some shark's fin two years (or was it more?) ago, and I haven't even touched it yet! Hope the stuffs's still okay!

Number Three. Dinner at my parent's place. Steamboat as always. Something to look forward to usually, but I had a spat with my younger brother recently, and I'm also rather annoyed with mom. Am thinking of not going for the dinner. We'll see.

Books! - Just for fun

Here are the current top 50 books from What I Should Read Next. Bold the books you have read. Italicise the books you might read. Cross out the books you probably won’t read. Pass it on:

The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown (Didn't quite like it, plot was too transparent, characters too one dimensional)
The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams (watched the movie)
The Great Gatsby - F.Scott Fitzgerald
To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee (Lit text, loved it though!)
The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter 6) - J.K. Rowling
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story - George Orwell (know the story, might have read it, or watched it as a cartoon)
Catch-22 - Joseph Heller (name sounds familiar, is there a movie based on it?)

The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
Lord of the Flies - William Golding (tried reading it, but didn't really liked it)
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen (my favourite Jane Austen book)
1984 - George Orwell (makes me feel sick throughout)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Book 3) - J.K. Rowling
One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez (interesting title)
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
Angels and Demons - Dan Brown (didn't like his first book, may read it only the book falls in my hand somehow)
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
Neuromancer - William Gibson (Name sounds familiar, have I actually read it?)
Cryptonomicon - Neal Stephenson

The Secret History - Donna Tartt
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess (watched the movie, felt rather sick throughout, no harm reading the book though)
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte (tried reading it, but never moved beyond first chapter)
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley (title sounds familiar)
American Gods - Neil Gaiman (not very impressed with it though)

Ender’s Game (The Ender Saga) - Orson Scott Card (very well written, loved it, but have sinking feeling throughout reading it)
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson
A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis (the only book in the series I've read)
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides

Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien (finished the trilogy in three days! - eyes hurt after that)
Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman
Atonement - Ian McEwan

The Shadow Of The Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon (interesting title!)
The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway (Name sounds familiar, have I read it before? Hmm)
The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
Dune - Frank Herbert (I think I've read this book! haha, can't remember)

From: Sunlight follows me

Small talk, baby talk

Whenever I'm stress, the one thing that helps is to have a hot shower. There is no hot water this morning. I turned on the taps and only a trickle flowed out. What horrors! I need my morning bath!

It is definitely not a good idea to take a lozenge and go to sleep. When I woke up, I found just a tiny piece left stuck on my hair. What horrors! I need my morning bath! And there's no hot water!!

Two bad things. But here's one good thing. Thank goodness baby did not throw up on me today. He did the day before on my hair!

***
Dear baby is making all kinds of noises right now. He woke up at about six and fidgeted and fussed and finally got fed. But he didn't seemed extremely hungry. So right now he's just lying there and stretching himself and making all kind of stretching noises. Hmm. So cute.. heh, hope he doesn't throw up.

*
I forgot what I wanted to write actually. This blog is good. Really good.

Days in the life of a housewife

So what have I become?

Mom has gone home for good. It's actually not too bad, still can cope, just need to be more hardworking. I mean, it's really not easy being a stay-at-home mom/wife. You'd think that one can just go out and shop and enjoy life, but it really isn't. You're just tired most of the time, and oh I need the sleep!

Today I thought of going for yoga in the morning and leave baby with hubby, but I was tired. And lazy. And really tired. I needed just five more minutes of sleep. And five more. Okie, I just didn't feel like going down to torture myself. So there. :P

Where did all the time go to?

Yesterday I woke up at about 6, bathed, fed baby, did some sun saluations (rare!) and prepared breakfast, had breakfast and cleared up breakfast, see hubby to work. By then it was 9. After that bathed baby, fed baby, washed clothes (really scrubed them!) and that would be 11. Baby woke up, fed him and took a half-hour nap with him. Prepared lunch for two at 12, ate and washed up, fed baby, rested half an hour, see hubby off to work and it was almost 3. Hanged clothes out to dry, prepared dinner for 5. Ate and washed up, fed baby, see hubby off to work, and that would be about 7. Baby didn't want to sleep, walked him up and down, and wished hubby would come home soon to take over. Non-stop action man. How not to be tired?

It's good baby dearest is now sound asleep on his granny's pillow (which she forgot to bring back) and mattress. *whew*

And it's fortunate I don't have to wash clothes today.

Okie, I should be folding up the clothes and keeping them ... but I'm feeling lazy. :P

Lunch and dinner nowadays are either one pot soup or one pot claypot. The hood has died dismally. Dumb plastic melted and crashed one day. Second time actually. That's the kind of cheap and lousy material they gave us. Of course we got it tied up, but it was making strange sounds and spluttering black char at us so I'm not going to use it! So lunch yesterday was vege soup with fish; dinner was claypot chicken. Lunch today was claypot pork and abalone. Heh. We decided to treat ourselves to one can of abalone. Yummie!

So dinner tonight would be eggs and chilli prawns. I ought to start preparing them now, but I'm feeling lazy. Laaaaazzzzzy. And I'm waiting for the one cup green tea to perk me up. Let's hope baby doesn't wake up before I'm done then. :P

Somehow I'm feeling like a prisoner in the house because I can't go out. Have to get a pram! Arrgh.

*sniff*

P.S: I don't dislike what I was reading - American Gods. In fact, I shall try to get more of his stuffs. They are good to pass away time while feeding baby. He takes a long time to feed, and I get impatient when I have nothing else to occupy my time. (I'd pull him out and he'll start crying! *bleah*) Used to be that I was playing ps2 and feeding him, but I can't play cos I need to do housework! At least I could put the book down as and when. Was quite bad when I was reading Ian Rankin's books ... can't put them down. heh heh.

So it's really no joke to stay at home full-time! Some people would feel it's easier to go out and work. At least it serves to stimulate the mind. I guess it all depends on what one's priorities are. What do we actually want?

After thoughts

I've finally finished reading American Gods today. Hmm, interesting concept of a storyline, it has ... but I've read better. It's quite strange to have a fantasy story set in a 'real' setting. You'd have kept expecting the guy would 'rebel' against the queerness. The main character was pretty good, but somehow I didn't really have this 'feeling' for the characters. Perhaps I've not been reading for a long time. Or perhaps there were so many names dropped, that I kinda couldn't keep track. The story couldn't draw me in as much as I wish it could, not enticing enough actually. And the plot was pretty transparent. It didn't come as a surprise when the truth was revealed. And there's one thing about American books ... they're peppered with the f word. And that's why I always prefer to read British.

All in all, okay. Rather like flat beer or something. Not a bad read really, kept the time moving ... especially during feeds.

If it's really a good book, I wouldn't have put it down and would have finished within forty-eight hours. It tells quite a lot that I took quite a while to finish it. Thickness wouldn't bother me.

Oh, and I thought there were some parts which seem quite strangly irrelevant. Like what's the point. Huh.

Four

My first Meme too! So fun! Whheeee :)

4 jobs you've had in your life
dogsbody
receptionist (at an archi firm)
tution teacher
arbiter (for chess)

4 movies you could watch over and over
Difficult one ... I can only watch at most twice and be very sick of it. Okie, let's try ...
50 first dates
To kill a mockingbird (the black and white one)
The muppet christmas carol
... (fill in later)

I can't believe anyone would want to watch Lord of the Rings more than once! It's so loooong and tedious!!! :P

4 TV shows you love(d) to watch
Does animes count? :P
Full Metal Alchemist
Hunter X Hunter
Bleach
... (fill in later)

4 places you've lived
Taman Jurong
Jurong East
Alor Star
Sengkang

4 places you've been on vacation to
Australia - Melbourne, Sydney, Goldcoast
Bali
Thailand
Japan - Tokyo and Fukouka

4 places you would rather be
Japan in spring
Bali - Alia Manggis
Home - in bed
Europe on a tour

4 of your favourite foods
Deep-fried prawns - the way I cook
Sashimi
Steamed crabs
Abalone :P

4 websites you visit daily
Mine!
Xena's
Yahoo
GoggleNews

:)

Damn damn DAMN!

Damn damn damn damn damn!

I was one whole piece up, and I just threw away a rook! Free Rook! What have I done!?!?!!! Arrrrrrgh!!!

*pulls hair out*

ARRRRRRGH!

sob sob sob

Girl Wednesday

The one good thing which comes out of reading blogs is being able to get many recommendations of books. In the past, whenever I go to the library, it's like digging through a whole platter in the salad bar. So many to choose from! What is good!? Then you pick up a few at random and get disappointed when they don't turn out to be nice. So today I managed to find American Gods from the library. After 'hearing' so much about it from the wow-crazed idol. Heh heh. And it seems so many other people are reading Neil Gaiman and liking his books. So no harm trying right? :)

The other book I borrowed was by Ian Rankin. On reaching home, I realised I've read the book before. A question of blood. Okie, so I've finished the entire series of his DI Rebus. Check. Hmmm .... what's next?

***
The menu changed and there wasn't anymore the nice pumkin and taro dessert. *sob sob* I didn't quite like the grass jelly after all. I thought I might be able to tolerate it, but I guess it really didn't go very well. Still, it was nice to see Min ... and she is no longer wearing all black! Pink!! heh heh heh. I wonder what stuffs she bought at the sale. Must be something nice. :)

**
Dating. I like what Xena has written. A date is a date is a date. Whether it is romantic or not. If you're already committed in a relationship and you go out with someone else of the opposite sex alone, surely it can only be uncomfortable, ya?

Here are my views.
#1. All girls/women can get jealous. Some just hide it better than others.
#2. All girls/women are possessive. Some just hide it better than others.
#3. If you are really okay that your significant other goes out on a date with a person of the opposite sex, then you'd better ask yourself what this relationship means to you.
#4. If you are really okay going out on a date with a person of the opposite sex and you're already in a committed relationship, then you'd better ask yourself what this relationship means to you.

If you're just having an 'outing', then it shouldn't be just the two of you in a 'date' setting. Throw in a few common friends. For me personally, I'll feel real uncomfortable if I were to go out with some other guy alone, even if he happens to be my very good friend. *shrug*

I have a theory. People go out with others if they are interested in that person. However, men are different from women. When a girl meets up with her best girlfriend, they are interested in catching up with each other's lives, gossip about the latest fashion, dogs, or whatever thingy, shop and/or do things together. When a guy meets up with a girl, is he really interested in exchanging their life history? Think about it. :P

*
Interesting word : elision. Obtained from Ian Rankin's latest book, Freshwater Close (I think) or was it Fleshwater Close? You know how irritating it is that nowadays books in the library got their front page half covered by the library sticker and you can hardly make up the title of the book. I digress. Eg. gahman. heh.

**
I'm sure baby was burped many times. And I kept him upright for a long while. Yet he throws up. He is really drinking too much, isn't he? Full already still go on wanting more milk. Tsk tsk tsk. Very heavy now. Make that 4.9kg. heh.

Bathing baby isn't as easy as it seems. Mom has been doing it for the past month and I'm now slowly taking over. He is heavy, that's one thing. And it's tiring to squat on the floor holding him up with one arm. The second day I took a small stool, and had to use my right hand to hold him while washing him with my left. Even then, I was scared to drop him into the water. He sure wouldn't be too pleased if water gets into his nose!

Fortunately, he's enjoying his bath nowadays. Just that he hates getting his face cleaned. I wonder why. Hmm. Haven't learn to kick in the water yet. He just looked a bit stunned whenever he's being bathed. :)

The best part of all this is having baby snuggle in your arms on your chest and soundly asleep. :)

*****
Staying at home ... and having lots of time, is making me become a TV addict. I never used to watch so much tv! I guess it was the type of horrible programs which were shown by mediaC. Now having cable changes things. And you know what, this is the first time I'm actually watching American Idol ... and enjoying it! Gosh, you can just get hooked on all those programs. Hmm, I like that young chap David whathisname. :P

So there I would be, feeding baby with one arm, and watching stuffs like: Who's line is it anyway; Malcolm in the middle ...etc. Hey, it's so much easy when you're watching something or reading something and feeding baby at the same time. Time passes by faster, and your neck will not be abused by looking down at baby during that period of time. Speaking of which, my neck and shoulders are starting to hurt again. Damn.

Hot hot day

Today baby had his second hep B jab. He now weighs about 4.6kg, and looks at least two months old, not one! Boy, he sure is heavy. I try not to worry too much about how much milk he's drinking. I guess there's no point worrying. He's all right, pass the one month mark, and seems to be doing very well. Why do I worry so? I need to get out of the house!

And my dear baby isn't a cry-baby, that's for sure! :) I held him down, and dear hubby jabbed him, he screamed for a while, but was immediately soothed when I carried him again, and dozed off in a while. See ... some babies would be crying non-stop after that. heh heh.

My flu jab hurt a bit though. Can I be the cry-baby instead? :P

Baby has found his voice. He loves to stretch like a cat and makes all kinds of sounds doing that. Sometimes that got me running to him cos I thought he was unwell or something. Now I know better. heh

Life is good. Fly away worries.

Baby and cat. Which is fatter?

Rain stops already

Finally after a whole day of rain rain rain, the skies finally decided to stop crying and clear out. It feels like a public holiday today. Everyone is at home. Younger brother came over to celebrate baby's one month. Not that we celebrated much. He just wanted mom to cook abalone for lunch (for him). *bleah* I drove to the train station to pick him up because it was raining so heavily. It was quite scary to drive in the rain. One month of not driving makes it feels so strange to drive again. One month of staying at home (not all the time of course) makes going out so strange. I feel so out of touch with the world.

We bought a sling to try out baby-wearing. Not sure how it works yet. Tried to put baby in it, but he doesn't seem very comfy. Perhaps it is a wrong buy? Oh dear.

To tscd: Me never go back to my obstetrician (yet). :P I know it's quite normal for baby to spit up after meals especially if he is not burped properly. But mothers always worry. Especially since he's drinking until tummy sooo round! And bloated. And so often too. Hmmm. And especially Mom keeps going on about how much milk I'm giving to baby.

I do hope PM will come over soon and take a look at baby. Not sure if she'll be of help though. Perhaps I just need someone to tell me everything is all right. That job falls to dear hubby, but I can see him rolling his eyes at me everytime I start to worry. heh heh.

Anyway, I hate mixing work life and personal life. Them collegues aren't exactly very friendly to me at work, and I don't see why they would want to come and visit me. Perhaps it's just courtesy, but I don't feel like having the energy to entertain some people whom I don't have anything to say to. We're not like exactly friends, you know. *shrug*

I think I shall change obstetrician next time. :P

Rain makes everything damp

To Xena: You're not doing yoga anymore?

Yep, yoga it is which is making me realise just how stiff I've become. I thought going to this S's class would not be too difficult, after all, she has always been quite mild, plus it was a beginner class. After the fifth sun saluation I was still all right, until she went into the sun saluation variation 2, and I was starting to go slow motion. Damn damn damn. To think I could easily have done 20 sun saluations, the full works, so easy last time. And my jelly thighs hurt.

She never does the inversions though. I'd rather go back to V's class. Hmm, am thinking of going for D's beginner class tomorrow. Am I being too ambitious? :P

***
One and a half hour ago, baby drowned 100ml of milk. One and a half hour later, he was hungry. Tell me am I feeding a bottomless pit?

:P

*****
What do you do when your colleagues would like to visit you and you don't want them to visit?

Rain rain go away

Dear blog,

You are now my official place to whine. Where else can I find a place to whine in peace?

Damn damn damn, I'm aching all over. It is certainly NOT a good idea to push meself so hard. My hamstrings ache, my shoulders ache ... I think I sprained my left shoulder. My neck still aches. My arms ache.

:P

Truth be told, it isn't so bad. Especially just after a hot bath. And a few koyoks. And the ache is a good ache. It means muscles are building. haha.

**
Why does baby cry so?

Surely he's not hungry again? He's just eaten ... and thrown up.

Perhaps he needs a diaper change. Hmmm, screams his lungs out. Guess not.

Perhaps he's little tummy hurts from having too much. Rubs oil. Screams his lungs out. Next.

Perhaps he just wants to be held and rock. Screams his lungs out.

Okie, perhaps he is hungry after all.

Ahh. Greedy little cute dear.

Heh.

Surrealism

It rains the whole day and the world takes on a mysterous feeling. It's not fun to go out in the rain unless you have a car. Even then, the raindrops on the windscreen adds to the strange feeling as everything outside the window runs in streams down the windpane.

I haven't gone out alone for ages, and there's this unreal feeling going out all by myself in the rain.

Dear hubby must fix the handbrake! It's so dangerous to drive without one. I wonder how he can manage all this time!

Wen is going away during the long holidays. Unfortunately I won't be able to go anywhere for a while. It'll be nice to have a little getaway. Perhaps at the end of the year and when hubby can take some time off too.

Baby loves his milk very much. He's taking more than 80ml per feed. Even 100ml isn't enough for his little extended tummy! Talk about being greedy. Shessh. At least Joshua Bell is able to soothe the little dear. :)

Next stop: Yoga. Next month can bring baby in together for my yoga classes! :) Will have to practise bringing baby out and feeding him outside!

*
Seen on TV: A mime auditioning for American Idol. What a laugh. Simon says this is the best song we've ever heard.

heh.

**
Most of us will be hitting the big three this year. How time flies. Must have big celebrations. :) Or many exercises. Apparently the body metabolism starts slowing down. Darn, Wen is doing yoga like three to four times a week! Gotta catch-up!!

Questions without answers

Where do I find someone who can help me with postnatal care? I think it's easier said than done. Who can I ask? The closest would be PM, but I don't want to keep bothering her. I don't know what I would do without my neighbours. They have been very helpful so far, but there are still so many questions. *sigh*

Feeding baby is not the end. Feeding him is easy, now that I've cleared all blockage. And I can even feed him with both of us half-asleep. The problem is after feeding, one has to spend time to burp him, and hold him up (so that he doesn't spit up) and carry him around because if he doesn't feel sleepy after feed, he'll want to be carried. And all these take time and are tiring things to do, if one is simply tired after feeding.

And when did baby swap nights with days? He was sleeping soundly at night and happily awake in the day when suddenly for the last few days, he sleeps soundly in the day and is extremely wide-awake at night. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't cry, but he wants to be entertained. Like he would be super bright-eyed and looking all over the place, and he wants a change of scenery from time to time. Soooo .. you just can't leave him in a place to stare at the walls, he wants to be carried from one place, and when he's tired of that place, to another.

Talk about a super troublesome baby. Hmm, now I wonder if I were to put him facing a window ... :)

Questions
How much milk should baby be having? He's almost four weeks old, and when I bottlefeed him, he's drinking 80ml of milk. Sometimes 80ml isn't even enough, the greedy little bugger. Now I wonder, is 80ml too much for his little tummy? He goes through 80ml like no one's business. He doesn't even want to be burped halfway! Boy, his tummy is so round and bloated, and he would spit up if he's not help upright after that.

That's the problem with breastfeeding. You simply don't know how much milk you're giving.

*
Would it be better to get a baby carrier or a sling? He's getting heavy, and Mom is going home soon. How am I going to handle baby, housework, cooking and everything? When one is faced with overwhelming tasks, one's mind tends to shut down. I need to have something to help me carry him when I do work around the house soon.

*
Is it good for baby to have a pacifier? I'm quite against it actually, and he doesn't cry very often, except when he's hungry and food is not forthcoming fast enough for the greedy little bugger.

*
What kind of pram/stroller should one get? There are so many types in the markets, and prices range from cheap to really ridiculously expensive. I would like to get one which is light, easy to manuveour, can sit upright and lie down, not too expensive, and can hold him till he's two.

***
I need to get nursing clothes. I need to go shopping soon. Arrgh. *sigh* :(

Grips
My mother has been a great help to me. Cooking, washing, and some cleaning. It's so nice not to have to worry about cooking and there's someone to wash and clean after that. And there's someone to help keep an eye on baby from time to time and help feed baby when you're tired. But otherwise, she doesn't know anything, and she's never someone who is able to give much advice. Arrgh.

It's fortunate that my parents have been coming over to cook for me from time to time. So they know the kitchen pretty well. Can you imagine what it would be like if in the first week when I come back from hospital and I need to run around seeing to things for them? Actually I did, but there weren't too many fortunately. That's why I was sooo stressed and upset.

And it's fortunate that I've the cleaning lady in for a while now and she knows what to do unsupervise. Though now I'm wondering if she's doing things properly, for things aren't too clean and she's doing them super fast. Gotta supervise her today.

MIL came and cooked for us the other day. It was a nice gesture, but my kitchen was pretty messed up and she didn't quite know where things are kept. But dearest hubby anticipated that and was truely a great help that day. Otherwise I would have lose my cool. Hmm, just a thought, I realised that MIL tends to cook her food sweet, and that hubby does like his food sweet. I don't think I can ever take to that.

Did I mention that I'm a paranoid perfectionist when it comes to certain things?

:P

Now all I wish is that people would be able to do things without me having to tell them all the time. Like for example, you left the newspapers on the table. Please put it away. Offer to do things instead of having to be told to do them. Look around you, if the table is messy, tidy it, don't wait for me to get a stroke. Do I have to be around for things to happen?

Yep, I'm becoming a cleanliness freak too. It's to do with being confined at home all day.

***
Things that really get my goat.
Why is it that when I talk in the house, nobody can really hear me? Okay, so I know my mom is deaf in one ear. But it's so tiring having to shout. My normal voice is quite soft. Even hubby can't hear me, especially when he's thinking about something else. :(

And one last irritating one. I really hate it when two people talk to me at the same time. Sometimes hubby would be talking to me, then mom would just started talking to me at the same time, or vice versa. Can't they see I'm in the middle of a conversation already? Sometimes I swear that they're simply clueless. And I really really hate it when I have to be the 'middle' man. Why can't mom be direct? Why can't hubby be direct?

That's why I wanted a house far far away from everyone. But it has its consequences. Life is just ever so tough.

And I really really really hate it having to tell people what to do. And I really really really hate it having to be the one making decisions all the time.

*****
Discussion: I think this means-testing thingy is not fair at all. What do you think?

Will write my thoughts about it later.

Good intentions

Sometimes when I read blogs like this, it brings a smile to my face and makes me feel happy ... and I wonder why I want to write another awful post on some complainy stuff which is going to be boring and unhappy to think about. Do I really want to put things down that sound so upsetting? Perhaps I should look at things another way and try to make it sound positive, and not just complain complain and complain.

But I do need to get it off my chest somewhat, because the unhappy cynical side of me keeps having the issue turning and turning inside the head, while outwardly I smile and shrug and decide that it's no big deal. It still rankles ... somewhat.

But it isn't too bad today because dearest hubby was there and he helped, which meant a lot to me.

*sigh*

Not only am I turning into a frumpy housewife, I'm also becoming a complainy nit-picking grumpy old woman.

Sometimes I wonder, am I truely happy with what I have?

*****
I spoke with an old friend this afternoon and somewhat I felt ... well ... comforted? She told me she only breastfed her baby for one week. I was planning to do so for three months and stop when I have to go back to work. Well, perhaps if it isn't too troublesome I might continue.

Yet I felt slightly guilty with this half-decision. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself with others, those who feed for six months or over a year etc. But I guess I'm like that. I need excuses to give to myself, to justify my action. I need encouragement and appreciation to keep me going or else I'll fall into depression and feel meaningless.

It's so damn painful for me each time baby latches on. He seems to be doing it correctly but the pain is there. The recent bout of high fever made me examine my breast carefully and I found hard lumps. Not too painful, but lumps. Were they the engorgement? Perhaps I should have gone for those antenatal classes after all. What do I know? Only what I've read from the book and the internet.

Mom kept telling me that she gave up after a short while because it was too painful ... and was there a silent suggestion that I too give up since I'm feeling miserable quite often? When you're miserable, you don't need to hear another person's misery.

The only thing that kept me going is because I'm just so stuborn.

And my posture is terrible because none of the pillows we have is supportive. They're too soft and they sink in, and I'm hunching. It makes it all the more terrible with my frequent bouts of headaches and now neck and shoulder aches ... and even the wrist hurt.

And when you have your mother telling you that hey, formula is just as good, now all fortified or dunno what, and see ... all of you also grow up strong and healthy. And then you start to think ... and wonder if all this pain is going to be worth it next time when baby grows up. Would he turn out to be a good boy? I've heard too many stories and watched too many stuffs and even seen too many real life cases. I'm just too damn practical as well as stuborn.

*sigh*

And I should be allowed to rest more.

Tomorrow I will go for my massage.

The good, the bad and the ugly

Fever, chills and body aches. What could be worse? I still have that blasted irritating headache which cannot be shaken off. And throw in an extremely stiff neck. Xena, now I know how you feel! I'm doing neck rolls whenever I can and I've two koyok on each side of the neck. The pain hit me especially bad this morning when the panadol finally wore off and I found that I was no longer running a temperature. It's rather tempting to pop in two more actually. My headache is still there, but it's at the back of the head. Stabs me evilly whenever I make sudden movements. People who never experience headaches will never understand how bad a migrane-type of headache can be.

I swear being pregnant is so much easier. Now with baby out, I'd rather have him in. heh heh.

Last night baby didn't want to sleep and he wanted to be entertained. I was still running on drugs and needed my sleep. Good thing Mom had coffee and was wide awake. So the two of them kept company. When baby finally fell asleep, mom put him on my side of the bed, taking up like two-thirds of my side of the bed. So I was left with just a tiny space and couldn't much move. It's no wonder my neck is hurting like hell now. Humf. And my left side is so much more painful than my right. I think I know why. double Humf. Dear hubby 'massaged' my left side the other time and really dug his fingers in. I think he had damaged some nerves there. *triple humf* That is why I have to go back to my own therapist. You just can't expect amatuars to get things done properly.

Grrrrr

Okie, so I was in quite a bad mood, until my neighbours came over to say hi and to see baby. Talking with them cheer me up somewhat, because it's company. I guess being confined at home all day and not having any company bogs me down. It's good to be able to talk to some people who sympathise with what it's like to breastfeed and to have kids. Well, at least baby will have many kids his age to run around with when he grows up.

Damn, my neck hurts so much. Grrrrr.

Dear baby, my dearest baby peed all over himself while I was changing his diapers this afternoon. Had to lift his butt up to clean him and he took the chance to pee. And all the liquid went a twinkling down onto his belly. Had to change his shirt and clean him up again. And when I took another closer look, I found little droplets of pee on his head. And why was my dear dearest baby smacking his lips?

:P

Something cute this way come

Here's wishing all a Happy New Year! :)

Heh heh.

***
And today dear baby pulled out grandmama's two strands of hair while bathing. Becoming a little terror, aren't we?

:P

Gosh, how fast time flies. Can't believe it's the new year already. I am so totally out of touch with time.

Write later.