Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Life is a battle ...

against dust and clutter and contractors. And horrible people too. I don't have time or energy or the mood to do work when I bring it home. There's cooking, followed by washing and cleaning to do. And by the time one starts winding down, one can't do anything else except be stoned on bloging. *sigh*

We were informed by our friendly neighbour's mother that the whole building shook last night and terrified them went down to avoid building collapse. The mom rang our doorbell wildly ... but unfortunately we haven't installed one yet. And we certainly didn't feel any shakes whatsoever. Too soundly asleep. Too dead to the world. Slept the beauty peace of the baby. :P I suppose if there's ever a fire, we might sleep through it too, though the bloody fire-bell is just outside our door.

So we now know that if there're any disasters, people run out of the building to downstairs, and NOT into the bomb shelter. Excellent ideas someone had. We all know who. How really stupid. Now we see the three hundred and sixty round about turn. Ohh ... but who are we to complain? After all sheeps can only bleat huh.


PM asked what I usually cook. I can't remember off-hand, so I shall keep a record of sorts here. Tonight's dinner, I truely thought, was great. heh heh. Self-praise is real praise. :P :P Okie okie, watercress soup with chicken-bone stock; steamed tofu with minced pork and prawn; asparagus with prawns and dried mushrooms and stir-fry squid with chilli. I would have taken photos of it, but that's going way to far self-patting on the back. heh heh. Actually the real reason was no digital camera lah. *bleah* Yesterday's dinner was pork rib soup with lotus shoot; chicken with ginger and needle mushrooms, egg with bittergourd and minced pork. Hmm, Sunday lunch was egg omelette with onions, stir-fry beef with celery; assorted mushrooms with minced pork and peas, and too lazy to make soup.

Boy, thinking of all these food still makes me hungry. :P

Cooking does get a bit boring sometimes. There's only a few dishes I know how to cook. Dunno how to make curry chicken (too troublesome actually) ... and dunno what other stuffs to cook. Only know chinese style of cooking. What should I do?

There's something wrong with me today. I'm still feeling rather hungry! Mustn't eat too much, must go yoga tomorrow. Repeat chant.

I feel like junk food. :X

Probably I'm falling sick ... been sneezing like crazy for a while. And throat does feel a bit sore.

And the walls are still cracked.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Overwhelming weekend!

I've never had such a wonderful weekend for such a long time now!

First of all, when did all those slopes appear at the East Coast Park?!?!?!! *mutter* I don't remember so many slopes. The usual humps, yes ... but slopes? And they were quite steep too! Ack.

Well, not that I fell when we went there on Friday. But the difficulty level sure went up. The slopes were not as bad as West Coast Park, but it's scary enough.

Min didn't take the hint in the beginning. She went zooming on her bic once she got her hands on it. There I was at the shop waving my arms at her to get her back to hold my hands. I needed time to get used to the sudden mobility what. I'll give PM marks for bravery though. She didn't wait for no one, and landed with a scraped elbow. :P We could manage humps this time, and as long as PM didn't panic and swerve into me, we were fine and went pretty fast. I guess I'm not too good a friend to her. Everytime when she panicked and cut into my lane, I let go of her hand and allow her to crash. *bleah* She fell flat onto her nose once, and crashed into some stupid bike stopping in the middle of a slope. Poor her ... but it sure was a fun time! :) :) And we had dim sum after that at my favourite dim sum place!! :) heh heh

Two hours in the hot sun sure gave me two different colours. I wonder if the other two had started to peel yet. :P

Okie, so Wen had shark fin's egg tart in HK, but I'm not missing anything! :P

I was running on lack of sleep on Friday, with only two hours of sleep. Yet I was so extremely high-strung. I guess it had to do with spending the whole night watching anime and looking forward to meeting my friends. Not very safe though, especially the driving part.

And speaking about driving on the roads, let me add on to Re-mi's declaration on road signs here. The road signs are all ridiculous. Many of them are hidden behind trees, some of them are extremely inaccurate. There was this road sign which showed ECP(Changi Airport) right on a slip road to the left, and I panicked, thinking that I've missed the exit. But nooo ... the sign was actually refering to an exit a few hundred metres down the road. You can't drive around in Spore with all these road signs. They confuse rather than help. You just have to memorise the entire street map before setting out in the car. And it certainly didn't help with PM and Min trying to help me navigate!

Here's another example, I knew that AYE leads to ECP, but CTE leads to AYE doesn't lead to ECP. And you wouldn't know that until it's too late (unless you memorise the map). Good thing I suspected that, and got PM to verify for me on the map! And many a times, the road signs are simply giving wrong information. *sigh* So you're forced to buy a street directory which cost like more than $10!


Then we went to visit PM's new born niece. Err ... I think she's too small to be pretty or cute yet, but I'm sure she'll be extremely pretty and cute. :) Sleeps very soundly ... and no, it doesn't make me wanting to have kids yet. *bleah*

I spent the whole of yesterday cleaning up the house. With curtains in, the house is so much nicer ... and is now a home. I vacummed the whole place, and mop the living/dining room twice. Housework is tiring, my knees are red, I think I've done enough exercise for the whole year! My place is now beautiful! The furniture are also here. And it's now time to pack stuffs away, and to start moving our things in.

:) :)

Of course the wall is still cracked, after they patched again and painted over. But I'm beyond that now. Crack better .. haha. They seem quite worried now ... I wonder if the letter had gotten to them yet. :P

Current anime addicted to: Mai Hime. Last episode next week!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Overwhelming week

It had been a long week.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. When we go blading. I was so very surprised that you had agreed. So easily too, when I smsed you. heh. I guess that was because usually a negative reply would have resulted. I'm sure PM would try to convince you to blade, instead of cycle, but even if you do, I'm sure you could pull us along. *grins*

And so I was rather upset when I was told the contractors would be coming in in the morning. Sod them all. I'm not going to be around. I need my break. I'm looking forward to fresh air and exercise. Doing yoga once a week is just not enough. I want to fly down slopes and feel the wind in my hair. I want to throw away the worries and unhappiness and do something relaxing.

I'm just tired of the whole house. The floor is done, but not great. There are rough portions and it just didn't feel that nice. *sigh* I guess that we have to accept it, just that I feel vindictive. *sigh* The letter would still have to be sent, just that bloody M is taking a long time to do so. *sigh* And it's bloody not cheap.

It's easy to make enemies. The apology was at the tip of my tongue, but my head screeched 'stop!' and I held back the words. After all, you had scolded me before I knew what the hell had happened. It was just a misunderstanding, I didn't understand why you get so upset about it. It was so unprofessional, and so disagreeable. I know you were upset, and I knew it wouldn't take much for me to say it, but it wasn't done on purpose and I felt that you were simply over-reacting. Sod you all.

Shopping therapy is good.

Sod the whole bloody world.

As I walked down the moon-lit path in the middle of the huge open field, my thoughts flew back to the time, another night where the moon shined so brightly down onto the grassy plains. It was one of the camping trips I had when I was still in the uni. Where we went star-gazing in Malaysia - in the wild, cold night. The tent flap was open, and I was so amazed that the silver moon light could be so bright. There was a magical feel about it all, the green grass looked rather pale and washed out in the silvery sheen, it was a night where dimensions are close and mysterious little creatures are afoot. Just don't step on those huge cow-dung. That beautiful picture outside the tent flap remains craved in the back of my eyes, just a little in front of my brain. I missed that feeling, I missed star-gazing, I missed those astro field trips. But I doubt I can do such rough camping again.

Then again, that night was too bright to see much stars. It is still the first trip that held the wonder.


It's easy to get addicted to animes. And books. The Light Fantastic IS funny. And I'm only half-way through.

Sod Work. I refused to let you make me feel bad or down. Sod everyone there.

Must start learning violin again.
Must do more yoga.
Mustn't let my whole life be controlled by work.

Must live by my principle. What exactly is my principle?


Saturday, March 19, 2005

Saturday night zombies

It's pretty boring actually. The house being as it is, one just doesn't feel like doing much. Nothing on TV either and everyone seems to be out enjoying themselves. We are two old foggies. :P

We didn't want to eat out because we just didn't feel like outside food. Oily, salty and unhealthy food. Nahhh ... besides I just had my massage. And boy, my neck and shoulder felt so much better now. And she stepped on me. My tummy had shrunk. :P So she said I seemed to have lost weight. Not sure if it's good or bad. It's the stress lah.

So here's a boring entry by old foggie me. I shall blog on one of my favourite topics. food. heh.

It was almost seven by the time we got home. So what's fast to cook, and okie to eat? Instant noodles lah. I decided to make minced balls, so had to thaw the pork. Then chop up the prawns. Hey, there's actually chicken meat in the fridge, all de-boned and ready to cook from previously! And there's de-meated chicken bones. I could make soup stock! Wah hahah. And why do I want to make instant noodles when I have soup stock? Change of plans. Number One Japanese Udon then! :P

And so an instant dinner became somewhat more elaborate. Soup with chicken and prawns and minced balls and tofu and fresh mushrooms and peas. That's a lot actually. The key word is multi-task. chop chop chop and throw into soup pot. Then raid the fridge for more stuffs. *pats self on back* heh heh heh.

Well, the best part of all this is that hubby appreciates it. :) It's all that matters.


I wonder how YS is and her speed dating thingy. She let slip a name of a person which she told PM not to tell anyone. *sigh* That's YS for you. PM could have just told me, but she had promised not to. *shrug* Now, why is this person's name so interesting? heh heh. That's because we are hatching a plot between PM and me. And I must say I was surprised because it was PM's idea. Darn, I'm dropping so many hints here. heh heh heh.

I don't think this someone would have minded if I told the someone what we had in mind. But PM insisted that I shall not say anything to the someone. Then again, we might not be able to get things done so it could be rather disappointing if we couldn't even manage it. *sigh* PM's strategy is an extremely long subtle one, but I don't like to do things that way. It's too slow, I'm too impatient, and I always feel that one should be open with things. Unfortunately, the ball is not in my hands.

All I hope is that this someone would be cooperative so that PM can eventually put her plan in action. Hmm, I think I've been extremely transparent, perhaps the someone might have guessed something. *LOL* No questions, no questions. And certainly no comments. *bleah*

Chop chop

1. I can't believe that that bloody younger bro of mine actually had the audacity to auction MY beautiful Kasparov chess set. *mutter* I'm so angry I'm not going to talk to him ever.

2. I'm going to have to move all my things over soon. Bloody fucking house.

3. When one is so very tired, one can actually fall asleep on the kitchen floor.

4. Yes, we are now living in the kitchen and dining room only.

5. The cracks in the walls appear in the evening.

6. Funk + Jazz = Junk (funky jazz).

7. Xena's blog is down again. *sigh*

8. My hols is coming to an end and I've not done anything at all. Besides sleeping in the kitchen, baby sitting a bunch of kids and supervising over the repairs. *sigh*

9. I feel a need to kill someone. Stabbing above younger bro to death is too mild. I couldn't sleep the whole of last night, thoughts running in my head ways to be vindictive. Grr.

10. I'm bored bored bored. I need to go out. I'm depressed. Life is so gloomy and depressing. I need to do new things. :(

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The diseased mind

I'm bored.

I'm depressed.

I've run out of books to read.

I'm starting my hols today, but I can't go anywhere.

It's not as if there isn't anywhere to go or anything to do, just that we are stuck in the house over-seeing those bloody contractors repairing the floor. We had wanted to go Japan, or Bali ... or maybe KL, but now we can only divide the time staring at each other, at the TV or at the computer.

We can't even sleep in peace.

It's just so damn upsetting.


Good points:

1. Which is not to say that belief denies logic. For example, it's fairly obvious that the Sandman needs only a small sack.
On the Discworld, he doesn't bother to take the sand out first.

2. 'Er. Thank you for the porridge ...'
'You haven't eatedn any of it,' Ridcully pointed out mildly.
'No, but ... but I had a really good look at it.'

3. Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.

~Soul Music, TP

Ohhh ... WC got all the books! Bwahahah.

Monday, March 14, 2005


Greebo the Cat

Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in the box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

'Pointy ears and hair you want to stroke,' she said, vaguely. 'And they can fascinate you. And when they're happy, they make a pleasing noise.'

~Lords and Ladies, Terry Pratchett

Damn funnie.

Oh, and that cutie JRT on the fourth, or was it third? floor stuck his head out of the rails on the balcony again, nose sniffing the air and lording over all creatures below his feet. I wonder what he is thinking about ... perhaps he's wishing he's a bit slimmer so that he can slip through those damn far apart railings and take a flying leap into the swimming pool, and show off how graceful a dog can dive, if he puts his mind to it ... that is, if he doesn't fall splat onto the ground below the balcony first. After all, it is hard concrete below where his nose is peeping out. :P

And there are some really loud dogs in the estate. And they do sing quite a bit ... out of tune too. Are dogs tone deaf?

I need The Colour of Magic, Light Fantastic and Mort ... and err, Reaper Man. heh. It's so hard to find books in the library when you suddenly want to borrow them. *pout* I wonder if WC has got them, after all, he was the one to recommend them to me a long long time ago ... but dunno why the first book I picked up then wasn't very nice to read. Maybe my taste had changed. :P Will have to wait for Min to find out if he got those books. :P

That's just me, when I read something pretty good, I must read all the books from the same author. Now, is anyone kind enough to lend me those books? :P

But I'm definitely NOT like Min who will reserve a book and be on the 75th person on the list. *rolls eyes* ... heh heh heh.

Ohh .. maybe Sunny.



I don't get along very well with my colleagues. Somehow, I find them artificial, condenscing, long-winded ... err ... and others. I dunno ... but somehow I just cannot talk to them properly. Except some of the rather older old ones going to retire soon. I think it's the competition. Dog eat dog, cat scratch cat. It's hard to really get along. They do backstab and sneak and put on invis cloak and stuffs. It's really ... different.

Or maybe it's just me.

PM said she was ... kinda ... 'shock' that I became one of them. She didn't have a very good impressive of such people too. And I must say ... I do agree somewhat with her. But she said I was different, and perhaps I am ... because I can't get along with them. I can't be 'friends' with them. I can't treat them the way I treat PM, YS, Lin and Min. I can't feel 'close' to them, the way they treat one another. I just prefer to keep to myself. And spent an hour talking to PM. :P Ouch, me ear.

They all seem to be a totally different species all together. :P

Friday, March 11, 2005


It was a total of three hours all together. The waiting, the visit, the x-rays, the scheduing of appointments, the waiting and the waiting and the waiting.

At the pharmacy, I observed. Technology has moved too fast for the older generation. When their number appeared on those small boxes above the counter, most of the time they were not aware of them. After several ding-dongs and finally name-callings, some of them finally shuffled up to collect their medcienes. Others were not so lucky. There was a list of numbers, very tiny numbers, of those who missed the queue. Most of the people there were old folks, and most of them were either alone, or with their friends, just as old.

It's a big hospital, not like those nice small family clinics which we used to have. It's a cold sterile and promises-to-be-efficient place. What do I know?


I'm not so sure whose bright idea it was. But it was damn tiring and hot. All the running back and forth, climbing up stairs and slopes and running downhills ... and chasing after buses and trucks ... whew.

But Sentosa is nice. I've not been there for a long time now.

My feet hurt. No one told me that it was going to be so tough running after five kids. Besides my sports shoes were boarded up in the cupboard. The going wasn't too bad. Yoga truely helped. At least I didn't feel that tired or achy or breathless, just generally spaced out and rather bored.

Sometimes people tend to be too ambitious. Perhaps a better idea was to start early in the morning instead and have the day off.

Damn, my feet really hurts. :( All those stones and rocks ... there was a jungle trail which we ran around three times. And yes, I ran with them in the beginning.

And we managed to flag down a truck where the driver kindly gave us, poor tired and hot us, a lift to the next station. The air-con was bliss! Those stupid buses just refused to stop and bloody bus-stop was like never in sight.

Imagine them walking in the middle of the road and doing jumping jacks.

Completely crazy.

I just got a message telling me that we won ourselves a free chess course. Actually it was our better team who won it, they got first, see ... but, it's like, so duh isn't it? Why would those super players want a chess lesson for? Ha. ha ha. *fixed grin* I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it. So damn silly of those organisers. So captain is asking me if I want to go. Hmm ... should I? Wonder what's the standard like. heh.

Did I mention that my feet hurts?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

The sharks are circling

We've called in the lawyer.

Suddenly, I have this feeling of some big silver fish drooling at all the cash he's going to make out of it. It is somewhat a relief actually, to know that action has been taken, but at the same time, you just kinda wonder if it's going to be for the better.

We couldn't stand all those defects anymore. And their silly excuses and stupid apologies. I wanted revenge. My friend chuckled. But he was fast to take up the case. Hmmm.

All lawyers only have one thing in their mind. Themselves. And money. Oh, was that two things?

The other lawyer friend I knew, slightly better a long time ago, was just as money-faced. heh heh. :P And he was blatent about it.

But then, everyone is only interested in money these few days. The best ever motivater.

And suddenly, there seem to be more intruders into my blog. Define yourself or be banish! bwahahaha. *choke* heh heh. It's all xena's fault. *looks pointedly at her down my sweet little nose* humf.

I'd better stay away from her.

Back to nice innocent topics, damn, I dunno how to play King's Gambit. :(


It's the yoga, methinks. Or perhaps I'm just trying to catch that anime I missed earlier. *bleah*

Perhaps the only checklist should go something like that:
me happy
me happy doing things me likes
me happy happy happy :)
me happy with chap
me makes chap happy which makes me happy
me and chap happy happy happy :)
happily ever after

heh heh heh

Okie, so I've been reading Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett. All those fairy tales stuffs. Really different, and funny. I think I like his witches best.

Seems that I've read some people saying that being single one can do lots of things, whereas once in a relationship, one has hardly any time to oneself. Hmm, I guess it all boils down to how you handle your own time. *shrug* ... I mean even if he spends his time on the computer and you just read a book, or something. One can just do one's own stuffs even when one is together right? Don't have to be doing the same thing or paying each other a zillion of the attention at all times. It's just having that someone to care about who cares about you that's the gist of it all. And to have that someone who simply appreciates who you are. :)

And the feeling of coming home to hubby is what makes life more meaningful.

And the feeling of coming home to a house spick and span because dearest hubby tidied up the place in his free time is priceless. :)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Yawning mushroom

We walked out after the first player ended. Definitely no Joshua Bell there. Xel decided she'd rather go for dinner. Mozart didn't sound Mozart at all. The simple charming tune lacked something. It's a bit hard to describe, but it's just not there. And the other piece was difficult. Much too difficult to handle. Perhaps one shouldn't be too ambitious, but put in the soul and heart into it.


I forgot what else I was going to blog about.

heh ... :P


Monday, March 07, 2005


I ought to be doing something called 'work', but this is so much more relaxing. Work can only be done at the lastest minute, before the hour hand reaches the thirteen blip, before you decide you want to go to bed, which eventually translates to 'I'll do it early tomorrow morning.'. After all one shouldn't allow one's work to run one's life, right? :P

More funny stuffs:
Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.

Eventually Conina said, 'All right. How did you get the carpet to fly? Does it really do the opposite of what you command?'
'No, I just paid attention to certain fundamental details of laminar and spatial arrangements.'
'You've lost me there,' she admitted.
'You want it in non-wizard talk?'
'You put it on the floor upside down,' said Rincewind.

~Sourcery, Terry Pratchett.

That was pretty hilarious. It made me chuckle. Which says a lot. After all, I try not to laugh too much when I'm reading. Now almost a book a day. Did I say I need to do 'work'? You didn't hear that, did you?

More household things to buy:
tupperware, freezer mates this time. sis-in-law just smsed me that they're on offer. *drool*
garlic cutter? They actually have something called a garlic cutter? Looks ... interesting. Wonder if it's useful. Pretty pretty too. All shiny and metallic. Got sale coming leh. *wipes drool*

Hey, at least I don't literally drool onto pillows. Not yet anyway. :P

Got sale, maybe can buy slow cooker too. *bleah*

I'm greedy. :)

Hardly many exciting blogs to read nowadays. Re-mi seems to have gone into hibernation. He isn't as poetic as he was back where he used to be. M.B. reads domesticated. Hammie isn't writing anymore either. *sigh* ... xena must entertain me a little okie? pleasie? heh heh heh. *siam her whack*



Violin music on anime. Makes me want to start learning again. *sigh* Funny how come shows woman playing violin got piano accompaniment. doh.

Am bored. Don't wanna do work. :X

Sunday, March 06, 2005

More about nothing

To Xena: Would you like to go for my friend's speed dating thingy then? You could bring along any single interesting males and/or females. heh heh heh.


I walked off the split level the other day back at my parent's place. One minute I was walking towards my old room which had been partially taken over by younger bro, the next minute I was stumbling and falling hard onto the ground. Hit my bloody knee. Must have been away for too long. duh.

Said knee is pretty bruised. A bit painful to do some yoga, but I'm whining, don't believe me.

Time flows in half hour blocks. Am hooked on the anime channel nowadays. There's always something quite interesting to watch. And boy, time sure flies. Was supposed to do those damn markings I brought back to complete during my sick leave, but ... ahem ahem ... *bleah*


Just gotta do them all by tonight at least. They're moving quite fast. Questions like 'How does a condom work?' and answers like 'By putting the erect penis into it' makes for very fast marking. Most of them gave me textbook answers, which is a relief actually. I don't hurt my tummy laughing too much.

I like this:
- and then there was a sound like wet laundry hitting a wall and, it turned out, the only thing that could survive the fall was a corpse.
Moving pictures, Terry Pratchett.

Was feeling rather sore on the lower back for the whole week, but after yoga today, the soreness disappeared. Hooray for yoga! :)

Now all I need to do is to finish up the work and start prepare dinner in a while. :) Stir fry beef with celery, stewed(?) mixed-mushrooms and brocoli on the menu tonight. I shall have to get a saucepan (to make better egg omelettes), a slow cooker (to cook food slowly, duh) and did you ever go and check out all those kitchen stuffs by WMF? They're damn cool ... and ingenious! And very pretty too! Bloody damn expensive as well.

Perhaps it's time to tell people what I would like for the housewarming party. heh heh heh. :P

I want to get this CD! And everything on Howl's Moving Castle!!! :P

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Odds and Ends

1.There seems to be something wrong with the sms. Didn't seem to be receiving any and friends didn't seem to receive mine.

2. I shouldn't be so gullable and trust everything YS says. I think she tends to distort facts and exaggerate quite a bit. PM wasn't that keen when I spoke to her, unlike what YS told me. I wonder ... hmm.

3. I've become quite a TV addict.

4. Still feeling ill.

5. I should take the medcienes. :P

6. I have to keep tabs of the books which I've read, else I'll end up borrowing the same ones again.

7. Books which I've read so far:
Equal Rites
Wyrd Sisters
Guards! Guards!
Small Gods
Men at Arms (err, have I read it?)
Night Watch

Oh dear ... this is bad. I got to keep track NOW. Can't remember already.

8. Of course would like to read in order, but can't seem to find the first two books in the library.

9. It's nice to be able to lie in bed and see the swallows fly round and round outside the full length double height windows. Did not know birds fly so high. Maybe I'll throw some breadcrumbs next time.

10. Would like to put a small table and chairs outside at the balcony and sit there to have breakfast. Hubby's not too keen though. Says neighbour can look at us, from their yard. I say we put some potted plants on that side. :P

Friday, March 04, 2005

Ramble ... me.

What do people really mean when they say "give chance" or "try lah"?

I call it The Ten- Minute Second Chance of a Lifetime (as opposed to A Lifetime of Trying Again and Again). It goes something like this: one thousand... look at guy... two thousand three thousand four thousand... imagine kissing guy... five thousand six thousand seven thousand... and more... eight thousand... shrill alarm and sprinklers going off somewhere... nine thousand ten thousand... sound of door being slammed shut and boots pounding the hallway outside...

Xena, 03 March

Hmm, what did I mean exactly? Good question. haha.

I think the most important thing is to ask yourself what exactly do you want in a relationship with a guy.

If you and this guy get along very well, liking each other pretty much, being fond of and all that blah blah, you can trust him, and guy quite cute too etc (heh)... and are good friends, taking a try means like you know ... trying to get a little intimate, like getting to know him real well, under his skin, that kinda of thing.

Closing one's eyes and thinking of how it feels to kiss him is not a good gauge at all, isn't it? See, logically speaking, if one were to start off as good friends, thinking of kissing one's friends tends to shut down the brain somewhat. One has to do that sort of things slowly, a small step at a time, and one has to give one a chance to be open-minded about it, not like say nahh .. it isn't going to work at all. After all, one has to redefine the whole friendship thingy a little, like looking it from another facet after all.

Perhaps a better guage is to ask yourself how comfy you are with the person, how much do you care for each other, are you able to accept his ideas and flaws, is he able to let you be yourself, and do you listen to each other? Would it sadden you somewhat if you lose his company and friendship? Does he make you laugh? Does he appreciate you?

After all, in my own humble opinion, if one were to find a person sexually attractive at the first look ... it's kinda like lust, isn't it? *laughs* I mean if he doesn't do anything and just stand there and you just must have him ... hahaa. heh. Okie .. ahem. Just give him a chance to romantically seduce you then, and perhaps see if things work out eventually. *bleah*

Perhaps that was what I meant. :P

I wouldn't know. To each his/her own. :)

And I think that if one really likes a person very very much, and that if the liking is mutual, one would want to be with that person forever and ever.


I think when one is ill, one tends to be extremely hungry. :X

Gee, my friend YS just called me a while back to tell me that she's arranging a speed dating service on the 19th of this month. Err ... that's so ... heh. funny. So here I am, to help her get potential people who might be interested. After laughing for a while, no seriously, not that the idea is funny, but it just IS funny coming from her, I promised to help her advertise a little. Friends of friends of friends. A little intimate affaire. So if you are interested, let me know!


She promises good looking and interesting guys and pretty girls.



Hell, if she gets this thing up, I might just pop in to see how it all works out! kpo. :P

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Having enough

That's it. I've got enough. I'm going on medical leave tomorrow.

Stopping in the middle of a lesson, and coughing my lungs out is not a very nice thing to do, nor a very nice thing to watch. Although I felt really much better after that awful cough. heh heh.

Damn, even my throat don't feel so sore, as compared to this morning. Oh dear. damn damn and damn.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Empty Being

Before I forgot, I just like this phrase:

But I think you have a right to know what it is you're not being told.

Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett

Dunno why. Thought it was darn funny at that time. :P

Oxymoron: closely apart.

Was reading Her World mag the other time when I was getting my hair cut. Too long, too hot and for all kinds of reasons, I'm sure.

Came across this article about women friendships. Read halfway so what do I actually remember? Not much. haha.

No really, it was about the type of friends one has. The many different type of friends one can have. It's kinda interesting, because when I think about it, I don't really have one single best friend, but many best friends to do different things together. And perhaps it's just me, but I realised that when I really really need to talk to someone, there isn't any a best friend to talk to. I just can't get the words out. It's just not me to be able to feel sad when talking to another friend. Hmm. But it seems easier for me to write about it, or 'talk' about it over icq. Less emotions involved, I guess. I feel more dissociated then.

I wonder if any of my friends have ever seen me cry before. :P

I bet they might have been surprised. Not that I've ever seen them crying either. It's just not like us chess gals to show weakness I guess. Mustn't let your opponent know too much or something. *laughs*

But I had other friends who needed my shoulder to cry on. It felt strange actually. We were pretty close then and we drifted slightly, and she called me up a long time ago cos she wanted to see me. I remembered we sat by the rink, and I pass tissue after tissue to her while she let it all out. I never felt I could talk to her when I had a problem though.

An ex-classmate once sat with me while I cried when I couldn't do bloody thermodynamics. It was rather embarassing actually. But I was just so sad. I had to meet my group of friends later, and I wonder if any of them even suspected that I had been crying earlier. Perhaps someone might have, he was looking at me rather strangly, and I doubled up my efforts to cheer up and avoid the questioning glance.

And when I am sad, I would just locked myself up in my room and cry. It's not really so much of feeling sad, but feeling self-pity and pathetic and useless. And to have a rational voice in the head chiding non-stop for making a fool out of oneself. I guess sometimes it's just another way to let out all those pent-up frustrations and emotions, and probably have to do with them hormones too. Most of the times, I don't feel sad enough to cry. It must be those chemicals. :P

I guess when I do cry, I just want to indulge in it ... so it's kinda hard to be comforted, for me .. at least. heh.

Coming back to the article, damn I must get my hands on it again.

And I must try to write to/sms Lin more often. I'm just feeling too into myself to be able to 'talk' to her. *sigh*

Now all I want to do is to pull out my throat and give it a good scrub. It feels damn grummy and sore all over.

There isn't anyone 'talkable' on icq for me to whine to about how bad my life is right now. *sniff* *sniff*

I should go and get some sleep actually.

It's rather awful to be feeling sick, but yet not too sick. It's like neither here nor there, like having your head removed from your body, and not being able to put it back, except to whack it hard. Well, I mean ... whatever.

The back of my throat is sore, it itches. But it's not red enough to impress anyone yet. I've been on mac extra since yesterday, and too much of that seems to make my tummy uneasy. I've been drowning water like a camel, whoops .. haha, I mean fish. hahaha ... but it doesn't seem to soothe the throat very much. One side of the nose is slightly block, but not too block nor leaking much to make me look pathetic. I've been blowing quite a bit, yet not enough to have a red and peeling nose.

Damnit, I'm just not sick enough. And it's damn awful to be like that.

It's definitely stale-mate in there!

A very whinny post. *sniff*

It's awful when one has been looking forward to an early day, but ended up having to waste much time doing nothing, because someone had a very bad idea about something and made everyone suffer for it.


And I thought I could go back early, rest a bit and do some housework. The floor needs vacumming, the clothes need ironing and many other things need to be put away.

I only had time to wash the clothes and prepare dinner. Dinner was slightly later at about 5.30pm. The food wasn't completely defrozed, but there wasn't time to wait. I'm not too sure if it's a good thing to defrost them in warm water, but I really have no choice. Will know if get stomachache tomorrow. :P

But I must say, dinner was great. heh. Steamed chicken (a bit too salty though), squid and prawns, and vege soup. All done without rest. I'm dead beat. No strength to clean the house or iron the clothes now. All I feel like doing is to stone some where, like here, and to read my book later.

And I'm still ill. My throat is still sore, and I dare not even eat biscuits for fear of making it worse. *sigh* Maybe I should take those cherry tomatoes instead. :P

I'm tired, but I can't seem to rest properly nowadays. Been sleeping late, like midnight almost everyday, and waking up very early. Even on weekends. No matter how late I sleep, I'll still wake up very early. Feeling very hyper-alert, but tired. Just can't seem to feel relax, just feeling drugged the whole time. I'm going to have to pay for that sooner or later.

Ought to do more yoga, but did not sign up for the intermediate course. Because of some reasons. *sigh* Did yoga on Sunday, but ended up yawning every other minute till Wen looked at me strangely. *sigh*

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh

I feel ... sigh.