Wordless

There are times when I just cannot put my thoughts and feelings into words. This is one of them. Let me try ...

*****
Full-metal alchemist is one of the best fantasy anime I've caught. It's much nicer and impressive than all those fantasy books I've read over the years. There is a difference between reading a book and watching an anime. When I read a book, my brain processed the information read and I see pictures in my mind. The story flows along till I am completely immerse in the book. I always have to finish the book before I could start doing other things. In a way, watching the anime was quite like that. It was one episode after another. The one similarity about it was that because the anime was in Japanese, I had to read the subtitles, so it is much like reading a book. Except the difference is that wonderous sights and sounds fill my mind. Nothing is left to the imagination. I see the pictures unfolding in my eyes. There was music and colours. The illustrations were very good, and so was the story.

The story is about two brothers who decided to bring their mother back to life using alchemy. In their world where alchemy is possible, it's like magic, except it's governed by the law of conservation. Human transmuation was forbidden, but the desperate kids tried it, and the results were disastrous. The younger brother almost lost his life, and the older brother exchanged his one arm and leg to bring his younger brother's soul back and tied it to a piece of amour. After which, the brothers decided to travel and look for the Philosopher's Stone to return to their normal bodies.

Along the way, they uncovered the conspiracy in the military and faced the frightening Homunculus and learnt the truth about alchemy and the Philosopher's Stone.

It's different from the normal good vs evil kinda fantasy stories which is prevalent in the western fantasy books. I always felt that the Japanese can be very amazing when they come to story-telling. Their stories can be very quirky and it's like a different world all together. I don't just mean their mangas and animes, but the novels written by Japanese authors and translated to English. It's just so different, so strange, their way of thinking are so completely alien-like. But definitely refreshing to read!

Back to full-metal alchemist ... a homunculus is created everytime during a failed attempt at human transmuation (and so far, human transmutation has always been unsuccessful). The homunculus were a perfect creation of the human being but without a soul. But it seems that not all homunculus were evil creatures. The person behind it all was more evil. Makes one wonders huh.

It's hard to describe it. One has to watch it to truely appreciate it. Besides I don't feel like writing. I'll just keep them thoughts to myself.

Just feeling ... empty after finish watching the anime, cos' there's no more. *sob*

It didn't feel like Sunday today. I woke up as usual at 5.30am, and went back to sleep. We skipped Jap class yesterday because it was raining so heavily we didn't feel like getting wet. heh. The enthusiasm to learn Jap seems to be ebbing, at least for my part. Final test next week. I should panic a little, shouldn't I?

But I just feel so ...

Been playing Rayman 3 on the ps2. Nice game, restarted third time after finding the walkthrough and playing with walkthrough. I just want every stage to be perfect, well ... as perfect as I can. I guess I'm just the kind of person who writes about the boring mundane day. Everything seems boring today. boing boing boing!

Full metal alchemist was great! I just feel so dead these few days since there's no more of it. But I wouldn't want it to continue. It was a great story, the ending was very good, it could have been a little better though ... more action at the end, but ... it has ended and one has to move forward. I shall watch it again sometime, but the feeling will be different. All good things must come to an end. I've been watching Monster, and Monster has 78 episodes! good grief, that seems waaaay toooo draggy. Now that one should end pretty soon. It's starting to get mundane!

LR's back, I should have guessed it when the phone rang early in the morning at 7am. Only she would call that early. I was lying in bed listening to the ringing phone and wondering who would call so early. Perhaps it would be for younger bro for some important school thingy? Perhaps a wrong number? I just refused to get up to pick up the phone because no one I know here would call me so early and it's a Sunday, surely it can't be work? Mum picked up the phone and glared at me when she passed the call to me. heh. I guessed among her friends, I'm one of the early riser person to call. heh. She used to call at 6.30am I believe.

Anyway, it was nice to hear from her. :)

Ah well, no more full-metal alchemist. Time to go back to reading my books. All pale in comparison to the anime. *sob*

Perhaps I should start revising instead.

Hmm, or maybe it's time for bed. :P

Today

It's a sad misunderstood world out there. One wonders what we are actually doing. I shall not blog about it.

*****
Back to Full Metal Alchemist, rather disturbing and at one point, quite frightening. Was a bit spooked this morning when it was still dark. heh. Perhaps I might write about my thoughts about it. So far, great anime. May be as good as Hunter X Hunter, but definitely better than Naruto.

Full Metal Alchemist

The plot is getting thicker. The story is beautiful and sad. Sometimes it even brought tears to my eys. Another great anime. :)

Check it out here.

Serious ranting mode on

I need to rant.

I am ever so annoyed.

Again, some idiot at work pissed me off. Whether or not I have money, I do not need you to say things like my hubby is rich, and I can easily get money from him. That really pissed me off. First of all, I never said hubby is rich. Just because of his profession, you don't need to be deluded. Both hubby and I are not born with a silver spoon, and whatever money we have, we earned from our hard work. Every single cent for the house came from our own pockets without any help from family or anyone else. And we have to support our own families as well. The way you put it, you are insulting me and showing how silly and immature you are. Besides it's none of your business at all!

I should have told him all those instead of boiling inside. I ranted to another colleague and she commented that a lot of pple in our office have got no social graces. And that person has got no right to comment whatsoever about my affaires. I totally agree!

I think I shall not be friendly and nice and smile so much anymore. I shall put on a 'do not even dare to talk to me' look on my face next time. I just can't stand them!

Another incident which happened even earlier. Another colleague (it's another male, the male species in my profession are damn pathetic) came up to me, and asked me if I were the form teacher of class so-and-so. Upon affirmation from me, he told me bluntly that my students were caught gambling. I was shocked. After I got my witts back, I asked him what they were actually doing to be accused of gambling. He said they were playing cards. I got really annoyed then. They say the blood can boil, I actually felt my blood boiling! Accused of playing cards and accused of gambling are two totally different things all together. Did he see them gambling? Were they playing with money on the table? He said he didn't know what they were doing, they were just playing cards. I got real mad. If they were playing cards, how can you simply shoot off your mouth and say they were gambling? It's so damn ridiculous! Unless you have proof that they were gambling, then you can accuse them of gambling! I mean, you are a teacher and you can't even be professional in your judgement. How pathetic can it be! How immature can you get?

Another colleague overheard and I think she understood my anger. She spoke to him at length about something he said to some students the previous day regarding calling them worse than shit. After which when I had cooled down and was more civil, I said to him that I know my students and they will not gamble. And everyone else in the school was playing cards because not every teacher implemented the rule of not playing cards, so what I would have done if I were in class were to simply tell them to keep the cards and take out some books to read. It's hard to monitor all of them because :X. We should just do our best we can, and yelling and scolding them and accusing them of terrible crimes do not work.

And I was also rather annoyed with another one who was ... just annoying. This has to do with the marks thingy. Today he was like following me and trying to apologise and wanting to give me a packet of biscuit to make up. DUH DUH DUH. I told him sharply: I am not angry, I am not upset, can you just behave more professionally? DUH. Next year if I'm still around, we'll be working together again, so can you please get your act together? DUH DUH.

I need to get out of there soon. Else my sanity will go first.

*****
And I was a bit annoyed too, because the yahoo game I downloaded and played only allowed me to play for an hour. And the bloody damn yahoo games really got their act together, and I can't think of anyway to beat the system. Demo games only last an hour, and it's so expensive to purchase the game. Damnit damnit damnit. $@&*^@%%. And I was winning.

Grrr.

More of those ...

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere in the territory of modern South Africa around the year 800.
Your profession was that of a writer, dramatist or organizer of rituals.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins.

Obtained here.

Driving woes #5367

I was driving at 110km/h in the innermost lane and people were still overtaking and zooming past me on my left (the slower lane). These people sure are crazy! Driving at such a fast speed was already making me rather nervous. I gripped the steering wheel tightly and had my full attention on the road. How easy it was to simply flick the wrist and send the car hurtling into the centre divider. I can imagine the car somersaulting in the air, hitting a poor tree and bursting into flames (the car, not the tree, trees and tougher than that!). I must be really careful on the roads.

Driving on the highway here is sometimes a bit crazy. The speed limit is at 90km/h and I'm comfortable with that. The problem is that you can't really drive at that limit for any amount of time. If you drive at that speed in the 2nd lane to the innermost lane, you'd definitely be held up by people driving slower than that, and eventually you've have to overtake them. If you drive at that speed in the innermost lane, there will be people at your bumper and it's damn dangerous. I don't like to weave in and out of traffic. All I want is to stay on a lane and fix my speed at 90km/h and I'm happy. Is that too much to ask for sometimes?

*****
Sometimes I wonder how it is like to have a mental breakdown. Me, for sure, will never get one. I'm too bo-chup for anything. At most, I'll get angry, scream and stomp and wave my arms wildly and forget about it the next minute. Or when I'm stressed, I'll just drop everything like a hot potato and read my books or talk to hubby. Hubby is good to talk to. I felt so much better after telling him what happened at work today. He just have to be there to cheer me up, plus I feel so happy knowing that he appreciates the dinner I cooked for him. :) That's all it takes to take away stress from me. Even when I'm feeling down or depressed, just having him close by works wonders. And of course, hugging his cat, which smells strongly of him. :P

My colleague has been away for a week and will continue to be on medical leave for a few more weeks. I wonder how she is. Tried smsing her but there was no reply. I hope she is coping well. I still don't understand what's wrong with her, even though we spoke at length. I thought I could help by lending a listening ear, but it doesn't seem to do much good at all. Ah well. People work differently, I guess.

Monday's blues, greens and golds

I was so pissed off with someone today, I felt like screaming at him and giving him a punch stright to his irritating ugly face.

But I controlled myself. So I shall write here to simmer.

Everyone was annoyed with him actually. The marks were not in yet because he did not do his part. This is not the first time. Everytime he would be the one holding up everyone. And I was angry because I had already done part of his work for him and he still couldn't complete what he was supposed to do. This morning, I rushed through helping him and I thought I had finished, only to find, upon checking ... that one more section was not in. That was the straw which broke the camel's back or whatever. Hubby was explaining to me about the proverb which I read somewhere but couldn't really remember. Back. So I was really fuming away because I have other important things to do. He was so totally irresponsible and so completely late. *rolls eyes*

And him stressed? My foot. While we were all rushing our responsibilities for the past few days, what was he doing? Going around talking and laughing and having fun. I told him last Friday to finish his work when I saw him joking around with the students, but ... what? nooo ... he has to do it this morning and make everyone annoyed with him. They say he stays back till very late everyday. Yeah right, damn inefficient if he stays back till late and no work is done. And it's not only the marks, the markings as well. Damnit.

Damn him to hell and may he rot there forever.

Grrrrr.

I could have just washed my hands off everything because it was not my business, let him be scolded, but it doesn't solve anything and it's just so irritating. And he'll hide somewhere and no one could find him. Ohh, I'm just so mad for the rest of the day, I couldn't get any more work done back in office. Damnit damnit damnit.

*****
So as you can see, I wasn't in a very good mood today. My hp rang on my way back and it's one of those irritating pesky bank people who wants you to borrow money from them. No better than loansharks.

He was trying to tell me something about funds transfer and cashline and credit card thingy. And he can't even get to the point. Just went round and round. I was annoyed because 1. he was eating up my precious expensive talk time on my hp, 2. my hp wasn't working very well and the battery could die any minute and he still couldn't get to the point.

Finally I managed to understand what he was trying to say after he went round the bush (like those indian movies) three times. Apparently if I used this funds transfer thingy, I can obtain credit at a lower interest rate. I told him in no uncertain terms that I have no intention of 'borrowing' money from the bank and I always pay my credit bills in full (which part did he not understand?), but he still went on and on.

So he said enthusiastically, 'So you see, you can actually use the *insert appropiate bank terminology* and obtain credit at abc%, instead of at xyz%!'

I was sooo tempted to reply, 'Ohh, am I supposed to go gaga over that lower interest rate?'

Yeah right.

Instead I was nice and said, 'err, ok.' and okies and okies and okies just to shut him up.

And he still didn't get it that I am not going to do business with him. DUH. How thick-headed can an idiot be?

*****
I need a nice hot meal to cheer myself up. I can't do anymore shopping because I've already spent too much. :(

Humpty Dumpty

Grandma fell off the split-level yesterday afternoon. Everyone was busy with their own things and the sudden loud thud shocked everyone running towards her. Grandma hit her head and bled all over the floor. She also had a cut in lip and at the side of her ear. She was bleeding profusely so we called for an ambulance. By the time they came, Grandma's head had somewhat stopped bleeding. She was a bit stunned in the beginning but did not lose consciousness at all. When we had to put her on the stretcher, Grandma was gripping my fingers very tightly and refusing to let go.

At the emergency ward, Grandma was stitched and bandaged up. Other then that, she was all right and eventually we brought her home. Grandma is certainly extremely strong. She is one tough little old lady. Her bones are extremely solid, and sometimes she can be extremely active, pulling herself around all over the house. She's all right now, still sleeping off the arendaline. But I wish her mind is with us. I don't know how to explain it. She's someone we take care off and care about but there's no her. Hubby says no matter what, she's still a person.

*****
The week passes by extremely fast. In a blinking of an eye, it's Sunday again. It seems only yesterday that I blogged on a Sunday.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

heh.

I did not go jogging eventually yesterday and this morning. The ground was wet. Good excuse eh? :) Perhaps I shall soon sometime next week. Ahh ... I need more motivation!!

I had not washed my yoga mat cos it has been raining for the past few days. No point washing it if it cannot be dried right? *bleah*

*****
I don't think very much about our health services. The customer service officer at the ER was extremely rude and impolite. He must be totally anal constipated. The medical report we got was full of spelling mistakes. This really doesn't reflect well on them at all huh. I sms my friend who was working there in another department and he agreed that the hospital is easily one of the worst. And it is not cheap either. Hubby was extremely annoyed and he shot off a complain letter immediately. Oh well.

Cool!

You are a silver dragon. The rarest kind of dragon.
You are noble yet avoid humans as much as
possible. You are the guardian of the
defensless and you rule the skies.


Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Singing in the rain

I ran home in the rain yesterday.

I could have called home to get my father to pick me up at the bus-stop with an umbrella, but it had been a long time since I last walked in the rain. Besides it was quite a short distance. I started walking first, but the raindrops were huge and the wind was chilly. I went squich squich in my Burkies and gave them a complete good rinse in the muddy water which flooded the pavement. It felt good nevertheless, to be out with the elements of this world. I was completely soaked like a duck, with water streaming down my face. After the adrenaline wore off, I started sneezing instead. :P

But I didn't come down with flu. It seems that the flu vaccine is worth every single cent.

I like this.
As pleased as a cat's meow.
Hubby said he read it somewhere. Lovely, I too thought. :)

Just finished reading Colin Dexter's Inspector Morse. Not bad a read. Went to get a couple more at the library in the afternoon. Window shopped a bit and bought a pair of jeans. Am sleepy now. Should I go jogging tomorrow morning or will I be too lazy to get out of bed?

Hubby has got new toys. We got 6 games for the PS2. 3 for him and 3 for me. I haven't found any games which has been so addictive anymore. Think the last game I truely played was Freelancer. Sims 2 seems rather boring, not my type at all. And there's no nice fantasie RPG games worth my time nowadays. The last I played was Wizards and Warriors I think. Perhaps I should play Black and White again. I didn't complete because that time the computer was too slow. That was quite a fun game. I shall keep them to play with for a couple of weeks' later. Hols soon. :)

It's raining everyday nowadays. The weather is perfectly beautiful for a lazy day curl up in bed with a book and chocolates. I love such weather. I love to watch the lightning and hear the thunder and see the dusky gloom where the heavens shriek and the world cries. I love rainy days.

This reminded me of the time when I went camping in Malaysia with some friends for stargazing. The first time we went to Batu Layer was perfect. The beach was beautiful. I can always remember that night, especially when I close my eyes and think about it. The milky way which appeared to come out from the sprout of the teapot (Sagittarius), the beautiful Scopio, Leo which looked like a mouse instead of a lion, the summer triangle, Peagases early in the morning a couple of hours before the sun rises, and all the stars and galaxies and nebulas and planets. It was simply bliss to lie on the beach waiting for the sky to darken and the first star to shine. Totally unearthy.

Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have a wish come true tonight.

Did it go like that?

In one of those trips we went, it started poring at night. Instead of clear beautiful night skies, we were forced to stay in our tents, huddling in the cold. And the rain came in. And the wind came in. And everything except the kitchen sink came in. Yes they all did! The grassland where we pitched our tents got flooded, and the tents got flooded as well. We couldn't really sleep and ended up baleing water out from the tent instead. Unforgettable.

My astro-crazed friends were so disappointed that they couldn't take astrophotos, so one of them decided to shoot for the lightning instead. It's not easy to catch a lightning bolt. Defnitely not easy. One must have reflexes with the speed of light. Before the thunderstorm arrived at our doorstep, or rather tentflap, we could see lightning far away in the horizon. So there my friend was, all ready with his camera on the tripod, waiting for that flash of light to click his camera. Throughout the night he kept awake, just waiting to catch that perfect elusive shot. Every now and then though, we would hear a bloodcurdling roar, no ... not the thunder, the thunder would follow soon after that actually. It was the sound of dispair of a fanatic, the sound of a heartbroken cry which reverbrated throughout the night, the sound of frustration as he missed shot after shot yet again of the lightning. So it was something like this: Lightning flashed, roar of dispair, thunder laughed. He had to retire after a while, because the rain came soon after that. :P

I could remember those times as clear as it had happened yesterday.

Oh beautiful stars. Prettier than diamonds. And looking at them stars, one realised how insignificant and small one is. Breathlessly wonderful stars.

There is so much to see in this world, even little spore here has a lot of things to see. On the bus that day, I saw the beautiful white crane spread its wings and flew off up into the sky. Another landed on the green grass and started pecking away. The plants along the road has started to flower again, all red and purple and pink and even white mixed in a sea of greenary. East Coast Park goes a long way. How clean the air feels and how beautiful the faraway sea looks, sparkling green and blue. I could just reach out my hands and grab the ships off the ocean. Look at the raindrops trickling down the window panes and distorting the world outside. Look at the clouds covering the horizon blotting out the glare of the morning sun as we sped to work to be on time.

We can look, but can we see?

from dusk to dawn

I was rudely awakened by my father a while ago when he yelled at me, just to pass me a letter. Gee, how important could it be? Waking up suddenly like that always send my heart beating extremely fast, and from the depth of the grogginess I struggled to climb out to reclaim my addled senses.

I then tried to get back to my state of bliss, only to be troubled by the shrill sound of my handphone screaming for my attention. I fell off the mattress on my tangled feet again, rushing to get the phone from my bag, fortunately it wasn't a wrong number, only an unimportant one.

My handphone is getting extremely ancient. People would change their handphones every what .. one-two years? My old ancient has been with me for almost five years next year. And it has certainly out-lived its due date. After 30 seconds of talking, my handphone protested loudy and gave out shrill clicking sounds and died. I resurrected it by giving it its life support it so needed, switched it back on and managed another 30 seconds before it faltered again. It actually had two bars when it decided to go. Damn, and to think that I'm charging its life every night. It's certainly time to get a new one soon! Oh when is my service provider going to give me some discount vouchers for getting a new one?

By now, it is impossible to go back to sleep as my scattered wits has decided to congeal together and everything else is conspiring against me and my beauty sleep.

So the next best thing is to do a quick blog and open my delicious mouth watering chocolates I bought the other day, when I was feeling extremely hungry after yoga. It is certainly not wise at all to send a hungry me shopping for groceries when the stomach is doing the thinking. Then again, Lindt Swiss Thins orange flavoured are mouth-watering. It literally melts in your mouth and you have to close your mouth before you drool over. slurp. :)

Whoops, I popped another in again.

Seeing the rate at which I'm drugged on chocolates and all things unhealty, and at the amount of weight I'm gaining unconsicously, doing yoga twice a week doesn't seem sufficient. Wen does it three times a week. I could have gone down this evening but it's quite tiring to move my bum all the way to town. And besides it's rather expensive to go three times weekly. I should do it at home, but the bed gets in the way. Maybe I should go jogging instead.

I've always loved jogging. Especially early in the morning when the dew sparkles in the flora and the sky still trying to shake off the shadow of mystery clinging on it. The air smells of clean cool breeze and as I run, the slight golden warmth starts to gather and heats up my body gently. I don't sweat a lot and it's simply lovely to feel the cool breeze on my skin and in my hair. I can run a long time, looking at the beautiful hazy world in the young sunlight and concentrating on my breath whispering through my lungs. I could have run forever for yoga has helped me maintain my tempo and nothing is stopping me from being all powerful disturbing the undercurrents of the molecules of unseeingness. If not for the fact that my thighs start to itch with redness after a while which is beyond my understanding at all. Perhaps it is the opening of the blood vessels down these unused limbs and the surging of new life into every part of myself. Perhaps I must conquer it and get used to it. I must jog again.

And no way am I going to jog on a threadmill. Excuse me, but I do not intend to live my life as a hamster, running haplessly in situ all in the name of exercise. Running on a threadmill is the most pathetic way to view life in. Jogging is to free the mind and let the spirit soar with flight and not to be chained to an ungainly machine trying to see if you can keep up at 11km/h whatsoever. I hate jogging on threadmills. It's so pointless.

So saying, this evening's weather doesn't look too bad to pick up jogging again, though I still prefer mornings when the sun is just peeking out. I shall jog on Saturdays and Sundays too. If only I can persuade my significant other to join me as well. The knees would creak in protest if I do so, eh? ;)

*****
I was very surprised to find that a half mark was deducted for an insigificant statement, or lack of, in the workings. It was repeated a few times over to a grand total of three marks deducted all together. I say, extremely ridiculous. Indeed we should not give them the marks if it is an incorrect step but this, in my opinion, was going a little far. It wasn't even incorrect, just a matter of copying down certain numbers from the calculator before rounding them off. If the same mistake was made, what should have been done was to deduct say, one mark at the end of it all, instead of penalising them over and over again. It's like hitting your head on the wall again and again for no reason.

I completely sympathise with my kids and promised to be an avatar and bring it up to the relevant person. It's important to be detailed, but to nit-pick in this way irritated me as well. My head (no, not my head!) agreed with me, but the person sounded quite annoyed with it and did not really want to change her ways for at least a third of the whole level had marks deducted this way. It would mean a lot of work. Gasp. I spoke to another more experienced person who also viewed this as I, and we decided to take matters in our own hands, with the blessing of the head.

*****
The nation's online papers have decided to get itself password protected. I cannot, for my life, imagined why they would want to do that, unless they are going to start charging its subscribers a fee for reading in the near future. I was very much annoyed during the registration process when I saw that they wanted so much private information from me. Where is privacy? Why do they need to know my household income? Why do they want this and that from me? It felt that I have to surrender a pound of my flesh in order to read something, which in the first place, is only propaganda most of the time. Oh give me a break. I only read it to keep myself amused. There are other better places to get news from. Dear hubby told me a way to get around it. I shall use that yet.

:P

*****
A recent email from Lin who is still in Kazakhstan. She has apparently made it to the next stage of the World Bank's Young Professionals Program selection process. Judging from the tone of her letter, this is a most prestigous thing and she's very very happy. I am pleased for her, but I can't help feeling rather detached from it all. She is slowly acheiving the ambitions she always has in her and is living life to the fullest. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing and where is the direction I wish to take. I am happy in my own quiet way, to love and to be loved. My whole life revolves around a small little walnut, warm and sheltered from the turbulous wings of changes. Do I really want to be so ambitious? Sometimes my restless spirit wishes that things could be different, other times I'm so happy to have what I have. It can be quite contradictory. Perhaps in the other worlds, there are other mes doing the stuffs which my imagination could not possible conceive of.

But right now, right here, I have no regrets for being me, with my loving darling and my happy life.

:)

So who did what?

I've just caught Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Whhheeee! It's sooo nice! Cool Movie! Extremely exciting! And Jude Law is sooo jude! So cool! I've liked him ever since I saw him in A.I. Although he does look rather weird in there. But he's kinda cute. GP looked rather old, with all that thick make-up, but she's good too! She really does all that jealousy thing to a fine art! See her pinched face and that murderous glare ... I love it when she punched him back. heh. I don't like AJ though. She's ugly. Who says her thick lips are sexy? Even hubby agrees with me about those lips of hers. Euuugh. What are people thinking of when they say they look sulty? It's simply too much!

Anyway, Sky Captain was way cool! Loved it! Reminded me of a cartoon or an animation. With all that superb graphics. Hubby said it was written and directed by a geek. Ohhh, no wonder the whole movie felt rather geeky, but it's still nice! Especailly with the cast. There are a lot of similarities though. You know ... like superman hero kind, star wars, death varder, that wathisname in episode 1, Lord of the Rings etc. The robots with the long arms reminded me of a japanese animation I saw before, by studio ghibli. But who cares, it's nice, from beginning to the end. The dialogue was pretty funny, not at all lame, surprisingly. Must be cos' the Jude and Gwyneth were great together. :) Lovely indeed.

So do you think they did what they said they did? Or was she just jealous so she said it and he shoot back? LOL ... who knows? ;)

And finally, I simply love that innocent bright-eyed look Jude gave Gwyneth right at the end. Lens Cover. Perfect.

:)

Next stop: Manchurian Candidate.

Of dreams and addictions

Someone once wrote about dreams being so real they seemed real. I know how that feels like. Sometimes I would dream that I woke up and start doing the things I do when I woke up. It's like I could see everything I was doing. And it would seem so real, that I would be so surprised that I had to wake up again! I couldn't tell that I was dreaming, and it can be quite scary sometimes, because these strange dreams usually happen when I was so tired my physical body just cannot wake up. This had happened a few times already, and I've conditioned my body to know that it was just a dream. The last time this kind of dream happened, part of me yelled at myself to wake up. I distinctly heard myself yelling, and part of my brain answered back, okie .. I'm awake ... which I then proceed to get out of bed and started walking around, only to realised that I was still sleeping.

Damn.

Sometimes my dreams felt so real, I woke up with all the emotions intact. I remembered once I dreamt I was angry with my brother and when I awoke I was so angry I wanted to run to his room and punch him. Then there were dreams where I dreamt that my parents were killed in a car accident drving in M and I would wake up in fear and tears. The one which remained clearly in my mind was this dream of running along an unending corridor where the walls were painted white and the lights overhead were cold bright fluorescent lamps. I don't know why but it was just simply terrifying. After which I woke up to a fever. Most of the dreams occurred when I was very young, except for the dreaming out of the body experience. And dreams are usually more intense when my body is especially tired.

*****

Confessions of a Gamer Girl

Once upon a time, I too was very much addicted to computer games.

to be continued.

Fresh Tomatos, anyone?

I sneaked out of school early today. Serious. Sneak is definitely the appropriate word. I left by the back door and tip-toed out of school. Well, actually I am entitled to leave early, but it just felt a little strange, so I put on my sneak act. Although I don't understand why they take so long to agree to let me go early, I mean ... if the heads can't make decisions, who can? Perhaps I could have gone off even earlier.

So anyway, it is times like these when I wished I have some friends I could have dim sum together and hang out with to play chess. People I know are too busy to have time for me. Hubby has to work too. Xel used to be around, and we could even catch a movie or two. I guess it can be rather lonely sometimes. So I hopped to the library after lunch to revise my Jap and got a few books ... and boy, they sure were heavy!

Perhaps one of the the reason why I'm blogging is because I have too much free time sometimes and too many thoughts in my head. There is no one to talk to except hubby and sometimes he's busy. I wonder what I'll be like if I'm dumber or if I don't think too much or if I have lots of work to occupy my time. Or perhaps I just need to do some stuffs more challenging and engaging. I wish I don't get bored so easily with my life.

Anyway, I've got lots of books to accompany me these few weeks. Hopefully they are entertaining enough to keep me occupied in the afternoons. Or perhaps I should pick up some new hobbies. hmm ...

And this morning, the tomatos were sooo fresh and red and juicy, it was such a waste that they all ended up on the lab slab. RIP, tomatoes.

Fly me to the moon

Fly Me to the Moon. I'm looking for this piece of song. I'm not sure if this is the right title, but somehow the music keeps singing itself in my head. I love this music! Perhaps it may be known under another title. I've no idea where I've heard it from or when, but I just know that if you have it, please please let me know? :)

Just spent the whole evening tidying up my itunes and finally deleted the double copies of some music I had. Wondered how did that happened. Am still in the process of transfering all my cds into the computer. Just did Sibelius and am listening to the famous 2nd violin concerto. Was supposed to continue with Chopin ... then followed by Debussy etc ... but just wanted to listen to Sibelius suddenly. :P

Gotta wake up by 4.30am tomorrow. Gotta sleep soon!

If you who are reading this know where I can get Fly Me to the Moon, or recommend whoever the singer to be, please let me know k? :)

Sunday 17th October 2004

One of my students lost his father a week ago to lung cancer. The boy has always been a cheerful, quiet and hardworking student and when I saw him last Friday, it was sad to see him looking so thin and withdrawn. I have not taught him for more than six months already, but I always remember him as a quiet boy who has a sweet grin. He does his work with pride and has the nicest handwriting ever. I have this memory in my mind: sometimes he would come up to the front of my desk and hung around there till I gave him a quizzical look and he'll just grinned at me. And he'll always grins when he gets a star for his test paper. They always do that, coming up to my desk and chat with me, especially after the exams last year. And he always seems happy in his quiet way. Six months is a long time, and they've all grown up tall. He still smiles sometimes, a little awkwardly, but one can see the sadness in his eyes.

*****
I wish we could do this in spore.

Remember, when we were in JC, we once thought of doing this. Was it YS's or Lin's idea? Set up a few tables down Orchard Road and get the boys and us to play with tourists and we'll charge them a few cents for our chess funds. heh heh. Perhaps it was something we should have done. It has been fun during those times.

Sometimes I miss playing chess. I remember the time I played with whathisname, and trashed him soundly with the royal fork, of rook, queen and king. I don't know who was more amazed. heh. I really missed all you people and the fun and joy and laughter over the boards.

*****
Things to do today:
1. Get my ass down to yoga class.
2. Wash yoga mat. It's giving me rashes on my forehead.
3. Do report (mine, this time), which was actually due last Friday.
4. Sew my blouse (maybe I could get hubby to do this for me since he's really better at it! ;P)
5. Buy blades for hubby (?).
6. Go blading (?) or get hubby to go swimming.
7. Revise yesterday's Jap lesson.

*****
Sunday 8pm

Checklist.
Have gone down to yoga class and stretch some muscles which I never dreamt of having. Did not wash yoga mat because it rained. Have not done report cos tomorrow still can do besides I did not bring appropriate references home. Did not sew blouse, cos hubby was busy. Rained, so did not go blading hence did not buy blades. Have not revise Jap lesson, will do so after dinner later if not tired.

Have done instead: wash car even though it rained. Just came back from car washing. Man ... I am tired. Helped hubby do some typing again else he'll take forever. Played some mozart, but fingers all atrophied. Tried to do some handstands but was pissed off by father's comments.

Found that I had put on two kilos before showering and realised that it was actually only one kilo (after showering). Must be all that dirt stuck on self. Still one kilo is a little too much. Have to try to maintain current weight. Eat less! Exercise more! Though BMI still below 19. heh heh.

Overall quite a normal day. Am rather bored at times. Wish to do new things, maybe meet more pple etc. Thinking of going for Tang Quartet Masterclass end of the month. It's free too! :)

Driving tales #1456

I know ... the title isn't very original .. but like they say, plagarism is the best form of flattery. Besides I can't think of anything right now.

Today I parallel-parked. Ahem, perhaps there wasn't a car behind me and I just drove straight into the parking slot. But it was still a parallel parking slot. Anyone might just parked behind me right? And so someone did later. But let me continue ... mom told me not to park too close to the car in front of me, so that it might be easier to get out later. Sound advice eh? Heh ... she said that's what father always say. Mom does have wise words now and then, although she doesn't drive herself. Always told me that she was too scared to drive a car. The last time she went for her driving lessons she was so frightened her arms and feet and everywhere starting sweating. Just looking at the rear mirror and seeing all the cars moving behind her freaked her out totally. She was so freaked out she played truant on the day of her exam. Well ....

And someone once told me (was it PM?) ... that once she had parallel parked, and when she went back to get her car after work, she found to her horror, the car behind her has parked absolutely too close to her! And she had parked a bit close to the car in front of her as well. And so she was completely stuck and couldn't get her car out. She so absolutely freaked out. So she waited in her car until one of the drivers came back to drive the car away. She said she waited FOUR hours in the hot sun! And it was after her night duty as well. And she said she absolutely couldn't go anywhere just in case anyone from the two cars which sandwiched her came and drove away then what if someone else came in while she was away. Err ... sounds quite logical, but ... waiting four hours in the hot car? And she couldn't even go to the washroom because she was so worried about leaving her car! After that she never parallel-parked ever again.

Okie, lesson learnt. :P Though it does sound a bit drama. It really does sound like her eh? :P

I must admit I was a bit nervous when I had to drive the car out from the parallel slot after someone came and parked behind me. Good thing I stopped about one quarter a car length from the front car, so I could move out quite easily. I can never forget PM's story, and I really don't want to be stuck in a car for four hours in the hot sun. heh heh.

A few more things ...

Funny stuffs i saw at re-m from atomfilms ...

Spiderman
Very cute!

Olympics
This's the funniest ... where have I seen it before?

Bush and Kerry
This was shown on TV before.

*****
Bad news, Samurai 7 has been licensed. :(

*****
I wonder sometimes if I'm depressed or I'm just bored. I know sometimes I feel down, anxious and depressed and stressed out. I don't know if I will ever dare to leap into the unknown. I'm just too shackled with the chains of materialism and money. It drags me down, down and down. Would I be very happy if I am very rich?

Am I doing the things which I truely enjoy? Work sometimes is enjoyable, especially when it feels like making a difference to someone else's life. It feels meaningful to teach someone who is eager to learn, who wants to know more and asks questions and is keen to have a discussion. However more often then not, sometimes it simply feels like hitting my head into a brick wall. Since results are all it matters, learning becomes forcefed. Practise and practise and practise over and over again. And simply just to score an A. Is an A all that good? Must we force someone to learn something which is not in his interest?

Unfortunately, yes.

Recently a lady wrote in to 'complain' about the PSLE Science paper being a 'murder' and that her son went home crying. Today there were many replies to her letter. I quote,

Difficult or unexpected situations are a reality of life and I am concerned that our best pupils (a) find a tough paper to be such a setback, and (b) cope with setbacks with tears of despair.

Secondly, although preparing for an examination must involve instruction in exam technique and a discussion of exam strategy, I believe we should not spend so much effort on this, to the detriment of the acquisition of the knowledge which the exam is designed to test.

...

My concern is that, in response to this year's shocker, teachers would fall over themselves to come up with new 'techniques' to handle these questions. Teaching a person to think requires time for reflection and imagination, not a prescribed set of steps. Let teachers focus on exploration and understanding rather than past-year papers.

From a fourteen year old boy:

Also, the writer described how her son 'came out crying after his Science paper' and related various other incidents of children being emotionally affected by the PSLE. I would like to suggest that instead of spending the past year 'drilling him in skills related to tackling test papers and examination conditions', perhaps she should have considered giving him emotional support and advice on how to cope with stress, as well as spending more time explaining to him the whole purpose and objective of an examination.

etc.

So, one wonders ... what is learning all about?

And why are we forcing students who cannot do well academically to study so hard? Surely they can learn to do other things which are just as useful in their lives? Why do we look so hard at their capabilities of getting As? Isn't it more important to build their characters rather than their ability to be a parrot?

Hmm, anyway, I was thinking of my enjoyment in my job. There's no enjoyment if one feels one is not appreciated or that one cannot be trusted. But I just can't drop everything and leap into flight.

So perhaps I'll just continue to find little things which are enjoyable in my life. Perhaps I'll try to be happy in my own way, just to be able to spend more time with hubby and have him laughing with me. I'm just glad to have him by my side. :)

*****
Today Wen and I had English Tea at the lounge. It's been so long since we both found time to spend a lazy afternoon rotting away. There were nice sofa seats and armchairs, nice tea and nice scones. And nice music as well. Nowadays people don't play the piano anymore. The lady dragged in her harp. Huge harp and proceeded to play. Beautiful music, lovely to simply close one's eyes and let the music wash away one's troubles. I fell asleep half-way too. My cat fought with Wen's dog. Of course my cat won. heh heh.

:P

*****
And lastly, I think I'm coming down with infected tonsils again. Shessh.

It's almost Friday again!

Three more classes to go x 1 question x 8 points in the question. Surely I can try to finish them all tomrrow. Too soon, it's Friday again. How time flies. There will be some running around tomorrow, I sure hope I can finish everything by tomorrow so that I can enjoy another guilt-free weekend. :) And looking forward to English Tea with Wen tomorrow as well. :)

*****
My colleague trashed out the matter with the person. She went to explain about the fifteen minutes. I wouldn't have done that actually. It's just not like me. I guess I'm the kind who avoids issues and end up ignoring people and going around with a gloomy face. I'm glad she did that, for it's quite awful to have people saying bad things behind your back and when the time comes, gives you crap. Ah well, perhaps I just don't care enough. Does it matter if I don't wish to fight with them for that piece of rung on the ladder? I just want to do a quiet job and enjoy my time with my kids. Unfortunately, things just don't work the way we want them to. *sigh*

*****
I ought to practise yoga at home. All the sun saluations and stuffs. There's a new yoga centre opening in town, but I'm not sure I want to join them. Too much hype. I still prefer my current place and my current teacher. I've signed up for the intermediate class again and I forsee more aches and pains coming up next week. Doing her general class every sunday is already giving me aches and pains on monday. Why am I torturing myself?

And speaking of torture, squeezing whiteheads out from one's nose is the most painful experience one can ever imagine. Why can't they apply some anaethesia on my poor nose first? Hubby says there's some sort of thingy you can spray on the nose to numb it ... hmm.

The internet connection was down the last few days and I've actually resorted to watching tele at night! Caught half the french movie natika (only realised what it was called towards the end) ... was very nice, pretty actress ... and Victor the cleaner ... hahaha. Hubby says the cleaner is always called Victor :P Actually I don't understand what the hell is happening in the movie. Was she working for the police or what? Was watching Agnes of something earlier and ended up switching between the two, since the french one was nicer.

Also picked up the violin and dusted millions of dust mites off the case. Screech a few lines and decided that my poor ears needed a break. I shall have to get a music stand first, and then a teacher. Played the piano half-heartedly as well. I think I was simply suffering from withdrawal. :P

One more day to the weekend! :) :) :)

A few things ...

First of all, a tribute to Christopher Reeve, most famously known as Superman or Clark Kent. I have liked Superman, and he had always been one my favourite actors and heroes. I guess it's kinda sad.

*****
It's been a bit busy these few days as the markings have come in. Here are a few funny stuffs which my colleagues had encountered:

Q. What is the difference between a horse and a cat?
A. A cat has fur but a horse has hair at the bottom.

From a composition: I was like so dead I cannot even see.

My stuffs aren't so funny, but here's one: Add the alkali from the burette drip by drip.

Hmmm. I must try to get more. They can be quite destressful.

Here's something which cracked me up:
Shanghai men go for breast implants
Eh, breast implants for men?

*****
A couple of days back, I spent time talking to a colleague. I don't usually do this actually. She seemed to be at the point of a nervous breakdown. Can't able to sleep at night and unable to focus with her work. Apparently she has some minor problems with someone at work and generally feels extremely stressful. I empathised with her but somehow I really cannot understand the problem. The way I see it, the solution is extremely easy. I guess I don't quite understand how she thinks, and why there is a need to continue losing sleep about it. I still think there is an underlying problem which perhaps she is unable to admit or come to terms about it. Perhaps if she accepts it, she might be better. *sigh*

My colleague is a Christian, and basically she believes that she ought to do good stuffs, and be nice to people and all that stuffs, even though if it makes her unhappy. I strongly feels that there should be a line being firm and saying no, and to be nasty. Standing for your own rights is not wrong and one shouldn't feel guilty if one is unable to help another person if it is beyond ones means. Surely that doesn't make you a bad person? She can so easily refuse to help me when I asked her for help, surely she can do that with that other colleague? Somehow I feel that there is more than meets the eye.

I have another friend who is a Christian and her character is something like that as well. Why feel so guilty when someone approaches you for help and you have to turn down because it's beyond your means to help? Why is it so hard to say no, and you end up agreeing and being so stressful and unhappy about it? It's not something I can easily understand I guess.

Generalisation statement coming up ... somehow this makes me feel that there are some people who have to believe in a religion because they just cannot believe in themselves.

*****
I treated my kids to pizza yesterday to celebrate their win. We certainly don't do this in the past. It makes me feel quite envious. I mean, we don't to be rewarded by our teachers or our parents when we do well in something. It's just different nowadays.

While speaking with them, we came upon this point. A discussion about two teachers with different styles of teaching. One of them gives notes generously, notes which the kids hunger for. The other tries not too. Let's call them A who always gives out notes, and B who doesn't. The students were telling me that they like A because she gave them very nicely printed notes which make it easy for them to study, and they felt that B was lazy.

Now, both A and B are highly professional people. I told the kids that different people have different styles. And I told them how I actually felt about it all. I too come from the belief that we should not be spoonfeeding the kids. Giving them notes helps in the short term, but in the long run, they'll never learn to be independent! They should be making their own notes! No wonder we say our younger generation cannot think on their own and cannot be independent.

What can you do when there are people who continue to do things in this way and others who do it differently are deemed as lazy and are disliked?

*****
If you start your paper fifteen minutes late of course it'll end fifteen minutes later. That doesn't mean we who start the paper on time are giving them less time to do the paper, since from your point of view we ended fifteen minutes earlier. And why do you jump to conclusions like that and say bad things about us? DUH. Talk about reserving judgements. ha.

I'm not concentrating very well on my markings, looking at the amount of rubbish I'm generating here. Perhaps I should go have a nice cup of cookies n creme and try to finish a few more later.

By the moonlight ...

It's now almost 6pm, and I'm still in the office. Me? Workaholic? Nahh ... just that I've 'voluntered' myself for the night-study programme where we would baby-sit the students who wished to study in school (with their friends) instead of at home. Hmm, if only they would pay us a little for this, it might not taste so bitter. And it will end late, and I'll have to take a cab home. sigh. If only I do not have this annoying headache right now. It might actually be bearable. Why do I always have headaches? :(

And shoulder-ache and neck-ache. Boy, am I getting old or what!

... later.

Dreams Inc.

I had a strange dream today. I dreamt that I was doing partner yoga. Great poses, feelings of soaring and floating in the air. Total flexibility. Total freedom. Wonderful dream. Great workout in a dream. heh heh.

Earlier I had been reading an article in Yoga Journal: Enlightened Pampering. With pictures. Here's an excerpt:

I started by lying on my back with the therapist rocking my legs and feet, leading me gradually into a quieter state. As the session progressed, I was gently pulled and prodded, assisted into a heart-opening Cobra Pose, and even cradled in a relaxing embrace. The most memorable partner yoga exercise - a Bow Pose during which I laid back onto the therapist's feet and arched into a graceful semicircle - at first seemed more suited to a well-rehearsed circus performer, but my body was surprisingly supple and opened easily into the pose.

When I closed my eyes during the massage, I could've sworn that another massage therapist had snuck in - maybe that's because I knew that Body Enlightening is also offered as a four-handed therapy, meaning that two people work on you at once. But when I squinted through one eye, I was assured that there was only one therapist, expertly using her hands, feet and elbows to help enlighten by body.

Mmm .. yummy. :)

Had not been doing yoga for a while. Today's yoga session wasn't too heavy. Lots of people and a few beginners. What were those beginners doing in a general class? They couldn't even keep up! And they slowed the class down. We didn't even get to do handstand today. Ah well. Still it was good to stretch. I had been depressed lately.

*****
Helped hubby finished his reports and letters. Lots of stuffs accomplished today. Tidied room, sewed buttons ... did not revise Jap though. Had a mid-term test yesterday. Felt like wringing my own neck for a few stupid mistakes I made. But we're much better now at the language, since we can even remember the questions after the test, which we couldn't have in the beginner's lessons! It means we do have a slightly better understanding of the language. And at least I could understand what the sentences meant! :)

Strange cat. Hubby just came out of the bathroom and realised that he forgot to soap himself. Went back to do so. Repeat and rinse. Rinse and repeat. heh heh heh.

Being Domesticated.

Today I sewed my first button ever. Sewing is the bane of my life. I can't think why, now I know. Now, buttons are the easiest possible right? What could go wrong? Three quarters through completion, I suddenly realised that people sewed buttons criss-cross and not vertical-vertical, or horizontal-horizontal, depending on how you tilt your head. Awww shucks ... so I remedied by adding a couple of extra criss-crosses. Well, this button is one which is not going to fall off in a hurry! heh ... Hubby has been saying he will sew his own button for a long time, I'm just helping him, being a good wifey as it is. heh heh. One down! Onward march! More buttons for me!!

Hubby sews very well. He gets extra training you see. Sewing up all those people and cats. yikes. gross. He's good with little needles. I hate needles, always getting poked painfully. Give me knitting anytime! To take up the challenge of sewing, once a few years back, I went big time into cross-stitching. Did two beautiful works of Pooh (as in cute Pooh Bear). One for Min and one for me. Hmm, I haven't framed mine yet. Min was supposed to show me how I framed hers the last time ... *tap feet*, so that I can do the same for mine. Oi. :P

Back to sewing, cross-stitch was easier cos' the needles were bigger and less blunt. And I reaslied one important thing about me which affects why I hate sewing. Sewing has got no order. It's damn messy. There's no guiding lines or holes for you to place the needle and thread in exactly. The stitches end up being uneven sometimes, and the back of the cloth ... ends up like a hay nest! Arrgh. And the thread keeps getting all tangled up. Arrgh. When I did my cross-stitch, I was a perfectionist. Every stitch was as equal in length as possible. Every hanging thread was sewn in properly. Left then right. Left then right. The back of the cross-stitch was just as neat as the front! One colleague even expressed amazement at my neatness! heh. That's the way it should be done. No wonder I dislike sewing.

And we aren't talking about the sewing machines yet. Let's just say me and sewing machines are not exactly fated to be together. I swear they hate me! *shiver*

Me and my ...

The two most important decisions a woman has to make in life are about her shoes and her hair. For me at least. hahaha. I'm becoming bimbotic.

Yeah right, I'll be hearing someone shreking I'm too geeky to be bimbotic. hahah.

Shoes. I need nice comfy shoes, made of leather. Preferably calf leather. One inch heels would be nice, two might be too high unless they're really well made. Leather, especially good quality leather is important because my feet can 'breathe' in them. Synthetic materials only cause me feet to sweat and get real stinky. I don't wear stockings or socks. It's hot enough (and humid) and I don't get to enjoy the aircon as much as I'd love to!

Nice comfy shoes which can last a long time. Must look pretty as well! heh. Did I mention I'm extremely fussy with what I wear? Tods shoes are really good! I shall wait for the year end sale and get one! Sandals are usually too frivolous to wear for work. And they are simply too fragile for me big ugly feet! I need solid looking shoes which should also look nice and elegant and be extremely comfortable! That's all I ask for, serious! And it's so damn hard to find them. I need shoes I can chase my students in, as well as chase the bus in; I need shoes I can run up two steps of stairs at a time, and run down two as well as jumping down to the bottom. I need shoes where I can run, hop, skip and at the end of the day, last me ten years and not become alligator jaws. That's all I'm looking for.

*sigh*

Open toed shoes would be nice too, if only I can find something with all of the above. Nice, elegant, comfortable shoes. Right now, I have two extremely comfortable pairs, one closed shoe, another open toed shoes, both extremely expensive, both which satisfy all my conditions and I'm wearing them thin. I need to look for new ones soon! :P

Hair ...
Urgh. Isn't it always a headache when it comes to the crown of the glory? I need to do something about my hair. Just got it trimmed, and I'm not sure I really liked it. It's kinda dry and frizzy now. And flat. How can one has nice bouncy shiny thick hair?

*sigh*

Oh, and I've forgotten ... glasses are just as important. I need to get a nice one which will make me look professional and not childish. One which will make me look nice and not fierce. Decisions, decisions, decisions ... I need an image change!

:P

On a sidenote, one night (or rather one early morning), I thought I saw something strange in the cup of milo my bro left by his bedside table. I switched on the lights to take a clearer look. It was ... so utterly gross! There was a huge something floating at the top of the half-drunk drink. Eeeeugh. It turned out to be a HUGE cockroach which drowned in his drink! Eeeeuugh!!! Now we know what crawls out in the dark when you are sleeping! That's why I always keep my windows and doors close! Eeeeugh! And I just remembered yesterday I had blackcurrent and aloe vera fruit tree juice in that self-same cup! Eeeeeuuuugggh! pfft pfft. It's a bit too late now though.

pfft pfft.

Eeeeuuugggh.

Familiar faces

Walking down the busy street today, I saw a couple of familiar faces. One was a friend, I think. It was only a split second, I'm not definitely sure but it sure looks rather familiar. Another looked like a ex-piano teacher of mine. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I can always remember faces. They just seem very familiar, but sometimes I don't know who the faces belong to, or where I've seen them.

Strange me.

The weather has been extremely hot these few days. The sun glared mercilessly down my back. It's good to stay in air-con shopping centres and window shop. But it's not a good idea if this turns out to be another spending money time. I bought a very nice red blouse today and a very nice skirt. heh.

I think I should just stay at home and hug my two cats and go to sleep. I've got two cats now. One is hubby's. We called him Roundo Neko (meaning round cat) and other is mine, which we called her Flatze Kaeto (meaning flat cat). Roundo Neko has a round nose, and Flatze Kaeto has a flat nose. They are both of the same colour and extremely huggable. Roundo Neko needs to be sunned from time to time, cos' he somewhat stinks sometimes, but I like the smell of Roundo Neko. He reminds me of hubby, especially when hubby's not around. When hubby gets me a digicam, I shall put some photos of my two dear cats up here. :)

My Adobe photoshop Elements trial software has expired though.

Oh, and I mustn't forget my little small one which I carry around in my bag! heh heh. That one's really cute!

The more important things I actually need to get are a new pair of glasses and a new handphone. My handphone has been with me for four/five(?) years plus. They don't make them last nowadays. I take care of it so carefully but it doesn't help. The screen doesn't show up very often, and sometimes the sound gets cut off. Definitely time to change one ... but which one? I'm very fussy with my stuffs. :P

Dazed Days

We had a workshop for the last couple of days which ended at about 5 and 6pm. Hmmm, it doesn't really sound that bad right? But not if you're starting work at 7.30am and have to wake up by 5am. And with a lovely headache accompaning you all throughout the day.

I feel morbidly stoned now.

*****
It's not easy to be a working female and wanting to start a family. Just imagine. If this is going to be a typical workday, by the time she comes home, it'll be like 7 or even 8pm (from the looks of it, it's just going to get later, especially with the five day work week). Yesterday she was totally knocked out by 9pm. She doesn't yet have to cook, wash and clean. Will she be able to do all these and work as well? Will she be able to cook a nice hot dinner for the family to enjoy? It's no wonder that many people are not having kids nowadays. If one has to work from day to night, where would the time be to spend for the children? And we see all the problems growing kids have, isn't it enough to frighten one away and swear off them? Will having all those initiatives help at all?

Is there a meaning at all to life, having to rush from one thing to another without having time to enjoy?

*****
And one important lesson I've realised today is that when one is thinking of leaving, one should not let others know about it, because there are some who would take advantage of the situation and pile lots of work onto you as well as giving you crap, because you won't be around next time to make their lives miserable.

I'm just tired ...
and I wish I've got 8 million dollars cash. :P

*****
Sometimes I wonder if I can manage on my own. Will I be able to be independent enough? Having lived all my life with my parents and having them do almost everything for me, it can be rather overwhelming to move out. We are so used to live in a cage with our wings clipped that perhaps we don't want to fly out of the cage and explore the unknown world for all its richness. I envy people who can study abroad and be independent. They have dreams beyond my wildest imagination, for the dreams of a captive bird is only when feeding time is and what food will be served today.

That's one reason why I wanted to have a house of our own when we were planning to get married. I do not want to live with anyone's parents. Not mine, not his. I want to try to survive on our own, at least for a while. To taste the hardship together, to find ways and means to cope together and explore the world on our own. Without having to fall back on our parents. And thus, we can grow and know our limitations. If we had moved in with them, it would be just like from one cage to another glided cage. You'll be nagged at for almost every single thing, and be treated as a kid.

I want to learn to be independent. To take care of my hubby and myself. To do things on my own, in my own way, in my own time. I want to be able to make mistakes without having disapproving eyes breathing down my back. I want to be able to work hard to build my dream with my hubby. And I know it's not going to be easy.

I want to keep my job, but still be able to prepare a hot meal with hubby almost every day. I want to keep doing the things I like, but still be able to keep the house neat and clean. I want to meet problems which will surface in our daily lives together and be able to resolve them together with hubby. Perhaps in this way, both of us can be stronger and more resilient and perhaps then we can think of moving out of the country and doing other things with more risk involved.

We would never know if we stay in a cage. And would it have worked if we simply jumped straight into the frying pan?

What does that mean?

I haven't been feeling up to bloging for a while, mainly because of two reasons. One, I just didn't really feel like it. And two, no internet connection for me for the past few days. Two happened because of a quarrel with younger brother. He pulled out the plug after that and I was just too lazy to fix it back, until a while ago. We are pretty much the same type, so when tempers flare, we do get really angry. We're still not talking to each other yet, and I'm not sure I really want to. Anyway, it was rather nice not to have internet connection for a while. Hubby and I had more time to sleep. heh. And more time spent on each other. Gosh, the evils of internet addiction. Perhaps I'll pull the plug out and disconnect the network again after this. :P

Come to think of it, I'm not sure why I set up the network right now. I still feel that it is much better without it.

Duh.

*****
There's something I'd like to write about, but I think it's too private to do so. Work-related. It's kinda upsetting, but it doesn't bother me very much, but it just makes me wonder what it is all about. I'm starting to get very paranoid at work. I do hope I'll be happier next time.

*****
My head is still aching on one side, though very slight, even after taking bextra. And I shouldn't even be here, blogging. :P

Yesterday I cooked beef with asparagus for hubby (and family) ... and I wanted to dig out one of my cookbooks for reference. So I opened up my cupboard and decided that I might as well tidy up the shelves where all my books were.

Bad choice.

The shelf was falling apart actually, since the books on the upper shelf were sooo heavy. So I started taking out all the books from the top shelf.

Which was also a bad mistake.

I have too many books.

My back ache after that.
My neck ache after that.
My head ache after that.
And my room became a horrible mess.

Then I removed the extremely heavy plank seprating the two shelves. It was no mean feat. Then I removed all the books from the bottom shelf.

Textbooks are damn heavy.
Magazines are also heavy.
Nice books with illustrations are ridiculously heavy.

After that I dumped everything back trying to stack them as nice as possible. Something bit me on my backside. It must have come out from all the books.

And I did find the cookbook I wanted, which I didn't really use it. I cook from my own imagination after all. heh.

I must resist buying anymore books till I get my new house.
And clothes as well. And shoes.

I need new shoes.

I have kept all my books from when I was young. There were Enid Blyton stuffs, lots of Puffin books, and Penguin books, Agatha Christie, I didn't know I had so many of that! And lots and lots of books! I'm not sure how I'm going to move them all next time.

I can never throw away or give away my precious books.

And I really need some nice comfortable shoes. Shoes which look nice aren't very comfortable. Shoes which are nice and comfortable are too expensive. My current nice and comfy shoes are getting extremely worn out. I need something to replace that soon. Ahh, the trials (thrills) of buying shoes!

*****
A few of days ago, a couple of my dear boys, the least possible people ever I would thought, did something so lame ... that I still cannot believe it. Both of them were like way beyond my puny height, extremely dependable and mature boys, and I just left them a class ago when next I saw both of them at the office, one of them having had to go home. Because the two of them were somewhat playing, one grabbing the other by the little finger, and the other suddenly turned, twisted and broke his little finger.

Such things really do happen.

Ouch.

And now he is in a cast and even had to go for an operation for that.

Ouch.

Just that little finger.