Wah .. I actually have Sound of Music: My Favourite Things arranged for piano by Stephen Hough! Waah ... another of the things I must do is to catalog all my cds else I will be in danger of buying something I've already had!

I've already bought books which I actually had!

one day ... one day ...

Procrastination ... not. it is the thrill of doing things at the very last moment.

I will pack my bag tonight. heh heh

I must, actually, not I will.

Inner Beauty

It is made up of kindness, compassion, empathy, thoughtfulness, understanding, caring, trust, courage etc. These are the qualities which cannot be seen physically. These are the qualities which could be inherent in a person but are invisible to the naked eyes. These are the stuffs which make it worthwhile to spend your entire life with the person. These are the stuffs which can only be found if you look at them under the eyes of time, patience and sincerity. Something which you have to discover for yourself. It could be there for you, or it could be completely hidden from your eyes. Who knows? We would all rather be blind, wouldn't we? :)

Skin Deep Beauty

Was looking at Xiaxue's post ... heh heh, yeah I do that sometimes when I'm bored, and the discussion on the Miss Universe thingy. Damn funny, I absolutely agree with her.... Miss Singapore is indeed very ugly! hahaha. No matter how much photoshop XX did still cannot change that fact. She has got no poise, no beauty at all. Hello. She's not even pretty by half! She looks too brash, too harsh and her make-up is awful! Good grief. She looks like a big bad wolf, with big eyes all the more to look at you; big teeth all the better to eat you with! Arrrgh. What a nightmare. *LOL*

More on Miss Universe here.

On the other hand, Miss Paraguay looks really good. Absolutely gorgeous, I quote. She has the poise, the confidence. And there's an air of mystery about her. Hers is a simple beauty. Nothing glaring. quiet. exquisite. dignified. :)

Errm, Miss USA doesn't look very pretty either. Her mouth looks out of place too low down her face. heh heh. Miss Australia doesn't look too bad. She looks like a happy, cheerful girl which nothing can daunt her. Guess it's a good choice for Miss Universe since they do have quite a lot of things to do in the year, I guess. Probably that's why the Supermodels type of beauties can't be bothered to take part in Miss Universe. ha.

*****

In an article in Straits Times on Sunday "Who says looks don't matter?"

SHE is a diploma holder and a business administrator in her late 30s. He is an O-level dropout, a store clerk in his late 40s.

He turned her down after one date as she 'wasn't pretty enough', said Mr Benedict Kumar, owner of the matchmaking agency Lights 2-1. 'She was a little plump, he complained that she wasn't sexy. But it wasn't like he was very handsome himself.'

Such complaints are par for the course, matchmakers say. Four agencies here said looks are 'critically important' for men especially.

It agrees with the results of a Sunday Times poll, which found that six in 10 respondents consider looks to be important in their choice of a life partner. Three in 10 said they wouldn't date someone who isn't good-looking. Average-lookers take a year to hook up, compared with three months for attractive singles, the matchmakers reckon.

With so many fixated on looks, director of D'Match Ho Hoon Choo finds herself taking on the role of beauty consultant too.

'It's 30 per cent looks, 70 per cent packaging,' she said.

One success story is a 36-year-old businesswoman, who had faced constant rejection for 1 1/2 years. 'Her skin was bad, her hair was a mess, her dressing was outdated,' said Mrs Ho. But after a makeover, she hit the romance jackpot.

She added: 'Human beings being human, still look at a person's appearance.'

Mrs Tan-Huang Shuo Mei, director of the government matchmaking agency, the Social Development Unit, said: 'People are very dogmatic. But when they begin dating, they may well be attracted to qualities that have nothing to do with looks.'

Honestly, would you date someone whom you considered not good looking? :) If you say you will, then you must be lying. LOL. :)

Outer beauty is very important. It is the looks which attract attention. The golden ratio, the symmetrical structure of a person's face, which is ascetically pleasing. I've read an article in the Discover magazine once long ago about The Science of Beauty or something. Can't remember what exactly it is, but the gist of it is that beauty lies in Mathematics. OKie, let's not cheem anyone out. Also a beautiful person --> hence symmetrical = healthy --> good genes + intelligence (cos' brains is symmetrical?). So a beautiful person is supposedly a person with healthy good genes and high intelligence. And in the Darwin's World of Natural Selection, we would want to procreate with people with healthy genes right? So all the ugly people will have to crawl into a hole and hide? *evil laughter* ... okie, just kidding. But still, the point is this: outer beauty is indeed useful. It lands you job opportunities, easier for you to find a mate, and all that stuffs. Sad, but true.

And for the rest of the ugly and the not so beautiful people, don't dispair! Confidence and poise is the keyword! Carry yourself well and love thyself. heh heh. Or seriously, if you think you are too ugly, go and get yourself to become very very rich. Because besides beauty, money and power is the next best thing which attracts others. Of course after you get your guy/girl, better keep both eyes open for you'd never know if your next cup of coffee is your last. Then again, if you are really so ugly, perhaps it's just better to do everyone a favour and erase yourself from this world. hahaha.

Okie, I'd better stop before I get flamed. :P

Besides I need to start packing my bags for my trip to Bali tomorrow! And I've not started yet ... nor have I changed money. That's a P personality of you. heh heh.

Disclaimer: The above (on ugly people) is the real rantings of the mentally disturbed other self. I will not take responsibility if anyone finds fault with the words and decides to top himself/herself. It'll be much better though cos' you'd be helping in the decreasing of the world's population which leads to less hunger and less evil in the world.

To xena:

Exactly! Valrhona! When I saw it at $22 a box I was like thinking very hard if I should get it. Now they're selling at $7.40. Think it's a promotion - while stocks last. I got them from Isetan Scotts Supermarket. They are the Easter Eggs Chocolate thingy, one box with them chocolates in yellow and orange, the other box with green and red. They're milk chocolate not dark chocolate unfortunately. The green and red one is called Guanduja Egg with Crispy Wafer, the other is Lemon Ganache Egg. I think the chocolates are expiring soon that's why the offer. But still they were pretty good! Ohhh ... expiring end of this month! waaah ... I need to finish them soon! hahaha.

*****

Wow .. it's amazing ... I wrote in my blog that I missed my friend Lin, and guess what? I got an email from her! Whoohooo! Must be telepathic ... heh heh .. or perhaps she does read my blog?

*****


Here's food for thought. If you are having a bad day, just think: it really doesn't matter, because the BIG picture says it is going to be worse. heh. interesting.

My favourite Stacy Kent's song ... :)

You are there

In the evening
When the kettle's on for tea
An old familiar feeling settles over me
And it's your face I see
And I believe that you are there

In a garden, when I stop to touch a rose
And feel the petals soft and sweet
against my nose
I smile and I suppose that somehow
maybe you are there

When I'm dreaming
And I find myself awake
Without a warning
Then I rub my eyes
And fantaasize
And all at once I realize
It's morning
And my fantasy is fading
like a distant star at dawn
My dearest dream is gone
I often think
There's just one thing to do
Pretend the dream is true
And tell myself that you are there

From Dreamsville

More stray thoughts

Ever since I started seriously blogging I've stopped emailing my friends. Must it always be such that I email them first before they reply to me? I missed them. I missed Lin who is far far away in Kazasthan. Half of me wishes to visit her, but half of me feels that it is impossible for me to go. Hey, Kazasthan is in the middle of nowhere. Some ulu place and the plane tickets are damn expensive! If she's in London though, I really really would love to go and stay with her some time! I know I said that last time, but last time I was still a student, and I didn't have money. Hmmm. Now I got my hubby. Duh .. would I have gone on my own then? Hmmmm. Anyway I wonder how she's doing right now.

I also misses Xel. She told me she's going to be back end of this month. :) Humf, she'd better bring me something nice as a belated birthday present. *bleah* Just kidding okie ... (in case she's reading this, heh) ... but I don't mind if you get me that Charminade CD I was looking for. :P Hmmm... I think I must set up a wish list too ... hahaha ... contradictions :P

I miss P.M. too. We were supposed to meet up last month, but somehow or other, we didn't manage to do so. Every year past I'd be extremely persistent and always manage to get her out, but this year I guess I've slacked. And this year she actually called me up to ask me out but we just couldn't fix a time. :( That means I'll have to work doubly hard to get her out during her birthday. *sigh* She's an extremely elusive person. In this day and age, a person without handphone is almost extinct. Besides she's always either asleep or at work when I call her up. :(

These are the people whom I haven't seen or heard from for a long time now. Every year we drift just a little apart. Will it always be like that? Do I really want that to be?

Ah well ...

Something someone sent to me ...

Eg. 24 H in a D : 24 Hours in a Day
26 L of the A ...
7 D of the W ...
7 W of the W ...
12 S of the Z ...
66 B of the B ...
52 C in a P (WJs) ...
13 S in the USF ...
18 H on a G C ...
39 B of the O T ...
5 T on a F ...
90 D in a R A ...
3 B M (S H T R) ...
32 is the T in D F at which W F ...
15 P in a R T ...
3 W on a T ...
100 C in a R ...
11 P in a F (S) T ...
12 M in a Y ...
13=UFS ...
8 T on a O ...
29 D in F in a L Y ...
27 B in the N T ...
365 D in a Y ...
13 L in a B D ...
52 W in a Y ...
9 L of a C ...
60 M in a H ...
23 P of C in the H B ...
64 S on a C B ...
9 P in S A ...

:)

Stray Thoughts

A friend emailed me this:
The Fullerton Singapore - Chocolate Buffet
Where:The Courtyard (tel: 6877-8129)
When: 8-11pm every Friday and Saturday
Cost: $24+++ (adult); $12+++ (child)
What: Since 2002, chocolate lovers have been indulging in treats such as the chocolate mango yoghurt mousse. The drink station with its premium chocolate-blended drinks is the highlight.

Hmmm, as much as I love chocolates, I think this is seriously an overkill. I mean, how much chocolate can one take anyway? 4 or 5 pieces of chocolates and I already feel more than enough. More than that and I'll definitely feel sick. One scoop of chocolate ice-cream is just nice. Anymore than that is too terrifying to think about! Chocolate buffet? *shudder* And not cheap too. duh.

I've got my Valrhona for $7.40 per box. And to think they were selling it for $22 when it was first introduced! And to think I actually bought it. Arrgh.

*****

I would like to go for horse-riding one day. But Singapore is soo damn humid, it's only good to swat at flies, or better still, do nothing. Damn humid weather.

*****

Writing blogs can be damn boring. I mean, my life can be damn boring. It's like wake up, go to work, come back, do more work, read, sleep. Hmm. Boring.


ha .. sometimes I feel like that too.

*****

I have work to do. I wish I can just enjoy my holidays without thinking of work. I haven't started doing them yet. Guilty. I don't feel like doing it now. Guilty. Damn. And it doesn't help with a dull headache right now.

What I would like to be doing are these:

Practice on the piano. Relearn all those pieces which I like - Chopin's Nocturnes, Fantasie Impromptu, Ballard; and continue practising that bloody Scherzo which I started playing in the beginning of the year. Else my hubby will complain that I keep playing the first few bars only. Irritated the hell out of him! Heheh. But just thinking of the energy required makes me want to sleep first. :P And re-learning old pieces are so much more difficult than learning new pieces! I wonder why!?

Pick up the violin again before I really forget what I've learnt this time! Arrgh. All because stupid teacher at Christofori so damn lousy! Can you believe he didn't know that the G minor has F#! And I had to correct him! That was the last straw! Actually if he didn't upgrade me to Grade 3, I might still stay on cos it was cheap. But he wasn't very motivating anyway. Sigh ...

*****

Wah ... my younger brother is actually changing the lightbulb in my parent's room. This I must see! HAhahaha ... *evil sister*

Ten thousands thundering typhoons ...

and billions of blistering barnacles!

Ohhh ... I love Tin Tin! And Snowy! And Captain Haddock! And Prof Calculus!

Check out Tin Tin here.

Perhaps I should get all the adventures of Tin Tin on VCD too. But movie can be so slow sometimes. Still the comic books are the best. When was the last time I read them? Two years ago? Hmm, maybe I should read them every two years then. heh.

Snowy is a wire haired fox-terrier. :)

*****

And when am I going to learn that we shouldn't do our homework 3 hours before lesson? heh.

*****

Oh wow .. Tin Tin's official webpage is damn impressive!! *eyes big big*

heh heh

Look at all the nice things to buy too! :P

Just came back from the new Jurong East Regional Library. Wow. The place is HUGE. Very NICE! New and nice. And lots of new books! and too many bloody people. What are so many people doing there anyway? If you ask me, I'd say Singapore is getting too crowded. Crazy. The queues are crazy. And we want the population to grow? Anyway, the library is really a nice place now. I shall go there at night when it's less quiet and when all the hype has died down. I drool at all the new books! heh heh. I might even pick up some Terry Prachett's books. At least now they are brand new!

Got some videos - Tin Tin and the Black Island! *lol* And A.C's Evil under the sun. Got this book 'Bible Code 2' hmmmm ... end of the world in 2006. You believe in this stuffs? Who knows?

Anyway, roast chicken wings for dinner ... *drool* :) :) :)

Dogs and Cats

I once thought of getting a dog and a cat when I move into my new house. My dog will have to be an intelligent one, not like those irritating ones which go 'yap yap yappity yap yap' all day. I also don't want a dog which is small and furry - cute, yes, but looks quite stupid and vain.

My friend W's greyhound is actually a good choice. He's smart, doesn't bark a lot, runs fast and is really quite sweet. I baby-sat him once, and it was quite fun, we did tugs of war, ran around the house and he tried to get on the sofa with me. (Friend said he's not allowed on sofa though) The only thing he didn't do was to obey my orders when I tried to get him to do tricks. *humf* My friend said he's too clever to take orders from me. Not even for his favourite snack! *growl* Well, at least he didn't throw up on me like he did with my friend's brother. heh heh. To digress, what happened was that when her brother came home from Aus, her dog took a look at him and threw up all his dinner! Seriously! Honestly, her brother isn't the ugliest looking human in the world, but oh well, who knows what a dog thinks?

Then there's this dog staying at my in-laws' next door. Now, that is the most irritating and annoying little peskie breed of dogs. It's a silly terrier I think, whoops i mean sul..silky terrier, and it thinks it owns the whole neighbourhood. You can hear its high-pitch yelping all day round. Never get tired, that little brute. Runs around in circles barking its head off. I wish it would - bark its head off. Once it was actually out of the house, saw my hubby and started its usual yelping. My hubby stared at it, held out his hands in a grip and started moving in, the stupid dog actually turned and ran, stayed at a distance and started yelping again. *GROWL* I sure feel like squeezing its neck too!

Anyway, coming back to the types of dogs I like, I'd prefer a beagle, like Snoopy. But beagles are considered big dogs, and not allowed in apartments, or so I've heard. :( Hmm, second choice would be a Jack Russell I guess, but JR are so common nowadays, and not all JR's are cute too, as a matter of fact. The starhub one is very cute, just a little shaggy, but definitely cute. I don't like JR's all white with a brown head, looks dumb. heh heh. An italian greyhound like Biscuit might be good, but .... he's legs are really too long! Just like a deer, think we not very keen on that too.

Oh yeah, my friend's dog was actually selected for the UOB mini ad, but they changed their mind at the last minute. Damn.

Mongrols can be quite nice too, actually. And they are usually intelligent. At least they are not interbred and have all those defective genes. Hmm, a beagle will be really nice. :P But taking care of a dog is really time-consuming. I'm not sure if I will have the time. *sigh* Taking care of hubby is already taking up a lot of time too. heh heh.

Now cats, on the other hand, don't really need to be taken care of. I'd like to 'steal' the CAT and keep her for ourselves next time. But she'll not be used to her new surroundings and it'll be cruel to take her away from where she's used to be. *sigh* Unfortunately, she is a really bad mother, all her off-springs are cowards and unfriendly and only make lots of mewing noises when they are hungry, expecting us to feed them and refusing to return the affection. There's two of them left and they hang around the front of the house mewing at the top of their tiny voices when they are hungry and slunking away after they are fed, and getting free lodgings too. humf. Give me my CAT anytime. I miss the CAT. If she's here right now, she'll be having her head on my feet and purring away like anything. And she's one cat who really loves to be hugged too. Will we ever find another cat like her? :(

Learning on the Job - Photoblogging

Everyone is doing it. I shall do it too. heh heh. Here are some reeeaaally cute pics of my friend W's dog. Her dog is called Biscuit. Too intelligent for his own good, I'd think. heh heh

Problems encountered: Damn, can't put all the photos in one post!! Ack! Unless I do it manually? ... nah ... too much trouble. Isn't there an easier way? *rolls eyes*

Oh well ... isn't her dog cute? :)

Next up: When I get my pics of my CAT ... heh heh heh. Now where is my digital camera?

The pup at 8 weeks.

the DOG! So cute!! *sniff sniff*

See my bat's ears? All the better to hear you with. muhahahaha!

You bury me? I shall ignore you ... the sea is beautiful! *humf*

Oh Wise One .... we bow to you. Bow Wow Bow Wow.

Cats and Dogs revisited

Which is cuter? Cats or Dogs?

Cats:
the CAT;
Puss in Boots in Shrek 2. Oohhh ... the big cutie eyes! *melts*

Dogs:
My friend W's greyhound. That is I think it is a greyhound. He is cute because he looks damn intelligent. Description: Think - small deer with bat's ears and rat's tail. *LOL*

Don't know any other cats or dogs. Stray cats are usually not very cute. Overall dogs are cuter. But all cannot win my CAT. :)

Musings

Can words ever wear out?

I read somewhere a long time ago that when kids are small, they get lots of positive encouragement from their parents and loved ones. The first step they took is accompanied by ooohs .. aahhh .. look! he walks! Smiles, hugs, cheers and lots of love glowed from the proud parents. Babies' googoogaga are met with exclaimations of joy and the first moment the baby says mama or papa is even captured on film! Err, not me of course, but I believed I had my fair share from my parents. Though not as much as my brother. *humf* As one grew older, such encouraging praises became less. Parents became extremely critical. Why did you not get 100 for this test? Why only 90? Keep quiet! Don't make so much noise. You're fat. You're ugly. You stupid bloody #&(@&* etc etc. And kids grow up to become just as critical and it became a vicious cycle.

So why not be encouraging? Why not tell your loved ones everyday that you love them? Do the words become meaningless and insincere if such positive reinforcements are said many times? If one feels that they do, then they become so. But perhaps if they are said many times the words do not fade away, instead the feelings for one another becomes stronger. Besides I don't ever want to regret not saying the things I want to say until it is too late. I don't believe words get worn out. It's just like reading. A book. I'll read it again if it's a good book and if I liked it. It's just like writing this blog, my diary. I'll read what I've written now and then to remind myself of my being. These are my memories, my feelings of the days of yesterdays. It helps to make me a better person, to remind myself of the little things that happen in my life. I am self-centered. heh. And it also helps me to improve me English! :)

When I first started teaching, I found it very difficult to give praises and encouragements. Are we always scolding? Are we always so critical? Do we hide the good things from friends and only say things to hurt them or not say anything so that we will seem better than them? Words of praises and encouragements, little things like admiration, how often do we keep them to ourselves, for fear that if we do say them, we would be ridiculed, or accused of flattery, or be brushed off like bread crumbs? How often do we accept compliments with a graceful thank you and a smile and still remain humble? I'm not sure if I do feel good telling people good things about themselves. It doesn't take much to be honest. Sometimes I'm really amazed and impressed by the creativity of my kids. heh heh. Other times, I got carried away and shouted at them at the top of my voice. Lesson learnt: Throwing tantrums may work. But only once. Do not repeat. But seriously, if something is good. Say so. Look for the nice things around you and coax them out with words. heh heh heh, now I sound like I'm fishing for compliments. *grins*

It's amazing how much I have learnt from my kids. I can still remember my first class I taught. And the trials we went through together. They weren't the most 'guai' students around but they were nice and forgiving. Strange, the younger ones are always much nicer than the older ones. Somewhere along the line as they grew up they become different from what they should have been. Must be all the stress and pollution they get. hmm.

Perfection

If you have been following my blog, you'd realise a subtle difference in my blog. Gone are the irritating underlines for the links! Yeeeeaahhhaaaa! And I managed to get a different colour when the mouse hovers above the links!!! Also managed to fix the missing links in the archives. Heh heh ... maybe not a big accomplishment for the experts out there, but seeing that I know peanuts about web stuffs. Ohhh ... I feel so proud of myself! :) Here *pats myself on the back* ... don't worry I won't sprain my arm!

Okie, had some help from:
Lissa Explains
html colours

And took a peek at some highly admirable bloggers too. :)

Ack! Katakana is so damn difficult! Totally crazy! My brain hurts! OUCH!!

:(

More on Books

Murders and Mysteries

Agatha Christie

Ten Little Soldier Boys

Ten little soldier boys went out to dine;
One choked his little self and then there were Nine.

Nine little soldier boys sat up very late;
One overslept himself and then there were Eight.

Eight little soldier boys travelling in Devon;
One said he’d stay there and then there were Seven.

Seven little soldier boys chopping up sticks;
One chopped himself in half and then there were Six.

Six little soldier boys playing with a hive;
A bumble bee stung one, and then there were Five.

Five little soldier boys going in for law;
One got in Chancery and then there were Four.

Four little soldier boys going out to sea;
A red herring swallowed one then there were Three.

Three little soldier boys walking in a Zoo;
A big bear hugged one and then there were Two.

Two little soldier boys sitting in the sun;
One got frizzled up, and then there was One.

One little soldier boy left all alone;
He went and hanged himself,

And then there were none.

Frank Green 1869

~ Agatha Christie: And then there were none (1939)

With a simple nursery rhyme like that, she spun an incredible murder story out of it. It is a masterpiece. I love her books! Simple yet efficient. Every book she wrote is like a piece of art. You can see her dedication in each of her books. Her detectives are quirky and amusing. Her murders are done most ingeniously but they are not too incredible to the extent of unbelievable like Sir Authur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes. Oh, I like Sherlock Holmes too, but AC's just different. :) I first started reading her books 15 years ago, now I'm reading them again and I'll read them again 15 years from now. heh heh.

Her webpage is found at: Agatha Christie Official Webpage

E books:
The Secret Adversary
Mysterious Affair at Styles

Que Sara Sara

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, "What will I be?
Will I be pretty?
Will I be rich?"
Here's what she said to me:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

When I was just a child in school,
I asked my teacher, "What will I try?
Should I paint pictures"
Should I sing songs?"
This was her wise reply:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

When I grew up and fell in love.
I asked my sweetheart, "What lies ahead?
Will we have rainbows
Day after day?"
Here's what my sweetheart said:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be."

Now I have Children of my own.
They ask their mother, "What will I be?"
Will I be handsome?
Will I be rich?"
I tell them tenderly:

"Que sera, sera,
Whatever will be, will be;
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, sera,
What will be, will be.
Que Sera, Sera!"

Somehow the tune of this piece is running in my head. Beautiful piece ... wonder who was the original singer? I have it sung by Janet Seidel. :)

Ohhhh .... Me?

WATER OF EARTH. Mommy! Well, you could be. You are good with plants and small creatures such as children. You're very generous and basically great hearted. You probably make mad whack cookies and are good at managing the household; also businesses. You'd make a good tax person, book keeper, gardener, massage therapist, etc. The ever domestic and practical one, you can stretch a penny and make ramen noodles go a long way.

Quiz created by Polly Snodgrass.

*LOL*

I certainly don't want any children at the moment. Arrgh, can't stand those screaming ones. Some idiotic kids were actually screaming in the stairwell the other day and the echo .... Good gawd, sounds like an army of banshees swopping down for an attack! Mad whack cookies? I don't really like baking. Stuff them in the oven and you don't get to see anything - where's the fun? I did cookies once with my friend's secret (and fermented) dough, quite fun but difficult to find people to consume them. I think I gave some to my now-hubby, and he still had them three months later. *LOL* Stretch a penny? Gosh, I'm spending way to much as it is! :)

Darn, I've found my hardcopy of my C.V. ... hey, but you can still keep the donations coming in! :)

*****

Movie: Zatoichi

Caught it last night. Wasn't really something I had wanted to watch. Was planning for Shrek 2 or Harry Potter. Felt like throwing tantrums, really. Was in an irritable mood. Was glad hubby was patient (well, he almost lose it ;P) ... but I'm really really glad he didn't. To hubby: I love you, dearest! :) :)

Interesting movie, lots of blood splurting everywhere. Quite artistic at times - music and all that, somewhat funny too, as in 'haha' funny. Thought the dance at the last part was too much like Riverdance, it definitely looked wierd to have Japanese people in kimonos (YES KINOMOS) and clogs jumping, well, dancing I mean, to the drum beats. And whistles. Wierd. Overall: hubby 6, myself ... 6.5?

:)

*****

I love you, hubby! :)

My life is in a mess.

Or rather, my room is in a mess.

And so is my desk at work.

Arrgh.

And I can't find my bloody C.V.!

I thought I had a copy in my home computer, I remembered deleting the one in the laptop, and guess what? I must have deleted the one in the home computer too! DUH. That's why one shouldn't be spring cleaning too much. ;) Now, all I need to do is look for the hardcopy, which I think I had it somewhere. I remember seeing it the last time I *tidied* my room. So everything is super neat now, I do not know where it is. There are too many stacks of papers around, neat stacks okie! And anything unsightly is hidden in the cupboards. Hmm, I'll have to dig everything out again. *sigh*

And there's still so much work to do! Arrgh

Now if you are reading this, would like to donate $1 to me? See, if 100,000 people were to donate $1 each, then I'll have $100,000! Or if there were 150,000 people who were to donate $1 each, then I'll have $150,000! Then I could buy my dream car - which is the New Beetle, though I'm not sure now if it's still my dream car, since so many people are seen driving around in it. Besides I'm terrible at parking. Perhaps if 200,000 people were to donate $1 each to me, then I could even buy a Mecs S. Sounds like a great idea eh?

That was what I read at Kino the other day I was there. Shessh, this lady (true life story, really!) actually got people to donate money to her, after writing a sob story about how she had overspent her credit limit and couldn't pay her bills. People actually donated money to her!!! And after she had enough money to pay her bills, she wrote a book, got it printed and that leads to more money!! Okie, remind me again why I am looking for my C.V. ... see, if 100,000 of you human beings out there were to give me just a single $1 ... please .... I would not need to start digging out my C.V. now right? :) Hey, I donate a dollar every month to the CDAC fund! And I do have credit bills to pay too!

*LOL*

Email me if you wish to donate $1. :)

Reading other people's blogs ...

There are many different types of blogs one reads. There are those which felt happy, superficial, skirting through the waves, riding on the wind; emotions - happy, anger, honest ... their blogs are breezy, touches on here, now, short. There are those who describe very well their day, events that impacted them, steep with feelings, thoughts; emotions - deep, unyielding, sometimes un-understandable. Then there are those who wrote in dispair, blaming themselves, wallowing, depression; emotions - confused, mixed, unhappy. There are many different styles of writing, each beautiful in their own way, each mysterious and impressive in their own rights. I wouldn't want to critisize or be judgemental. To each his/her own.

But depressed writings affect me still. There's a feeling of dread deep down in my gut when I read them. It reminded me once of how I felt, of nightmares and things unknown which reaches out their fingers around your neck to squeeze. Deep within ourselves, we all have a hidden something kept locked away. If left unchecked, perhaps it will well out and overwhelm our normal selves. Be it the evilness you have, or the cruel streak in you, or simply depression which may cause dispair, desolation and finally destruction.

Once a long time ago, I was also entrapped by such feelings. The feeling of dispair, emptiness, meaningless, doom ... It was overwhelming, and thoughts swirled round and round in my head, while I stared at the ceiling all day or sat on the window ledge feeling listless, moody and useless. There was no one to talk to, nor an outlet like blogging for me. And it went on, tears every night and using up all energy to face another day. I only snapped out of it when my Grandfather passed away, and I realised that my life is in my own hands, and no one can make me happy. I simply decided to do things instead of waste more of my time and life. Took up driving lessons, yoga, violin, called friends whom I've not spoke to for years, kept myself busy with the things I wanted to do to drive the ghosts of misery away. Being happy simply to exist, to be here. Be thankful that I am still young and healthy. Took control of my life of what I want. Instead of spiralling into the deep negative black hole.

And it worked. :) I bubble with joy and happiness almost everyday. Look forward to the day most of the time, though not when I have an extremely busy day. ;P I am happy and am able to share my happiness with people I love. To be happy, one must have the will to want to be happy. Perhaps some people enjoy being unhappy because that is the only thing they know. Or it is a safe choice where they will not be hurt further. Or they do not know that happiness must come from within, not from people around them. You cannot rely your happiness on someone else! You cannot be happy only because there is someone who loves you. To be happy, it must come within the core of your self, and only then can you reach out and love others, which leads to others loving you. It all starts from yourself. Take control of your life. Be mindful of what you really want. And just do it. Do not let external circumstances dictate your life. Change your mindset! If something doesn't turn out the way you want, look for another alternative way perhaps? *arrgh, I sound like a cliche* :P

I knew a person who was somewhat like someone I read on the blog. Well, it happened a long time ago. She was writing suicidal letters to us, focusing on all her faults and emphasising on her unhappiness. Perhaps it might simply be better to end it off. We tried, from being encouraging to being blunt, to make her see that she wasn't the way she saw herself. At the end of it all, I realised that whatever we say didn't matter. She didn't need us to be truthful, she just needed us to be there for her to listen. I don't know how much I had helped, or if I had made it worse. Eventually she grew out of it, and I hope she has found happiness for herself. Even now, I still don't know if she's happy or perhaps she is simply existing. I still regard her as a good friend, and I hope she does too. I can be very blunt and now sometimes I'm afrad of saying the wrong things. So best just keep my mouth shut. No one likes to listen to advice. :)

To that person on the blog, I wish him all the best and hopes that he recognises that he actually has a lot of friends who are concerned about him. No one can help him step out of his own misery. Only if he wants to then will it work.

Wow. I'm impressed with myself. I actually got my bum out of the house to go for yoga. Managed to conquer the blue sticky cloud of inertia which tends to glue the bum on either bed or chair. I am amazed. There's this feeling you get like when you drop your little grub's ss onto the enemy trapped in a small hole and you do 700+ damage. Or when Hobbs manages to surprise Calvin yet again in their daily tussle. Ohh Hoo! Wham! Incredulous look.

And yoga today was fantastic. :) I'm glad I went. Vinyasa style - non stop. First time I dripped (really dripped). Lovely.

On Books

Just pieces of papers,
covered with words,
but a story it tells,
rich beyond imagination.

The books I've read
(or those which I can remember I've read; damn, I really should have kept a record!)

Fantasy

Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman (since sec 2)
Dragonlance Chronicles
Dragonlance Legends
Darksword Trilogy
Deathgate Cycle
Rose of the Prophet Trilogy (I think I've read this too!)
(I think there was a science fic one too, did I read it?)
Sovereign Stone Trilogy

These are my favourite fantasy books. Loved DC and DL though my hubby told me once their stories were like JRR Tolkien. Well, what do you expect? Tolkien was classic! I still liked their books. Also liked the Deathgate cycle very very much, just that the 7th book was really disappointing. Seemed like a rushed job. :( Was really pissed off. Sovereign Stone Trilogy - err, what happened to the 3rd book? It's not out yet, is it? I've forgotten all about it. Good thing I'm writing this. :)

David Eddings
The Belgariad
The Malloreon
The Elenium
The Tamuli
Belgarath the Sorcerer

They were quite funny in the beginning. But I was sick of his way of writing towards the end. The style, the jokes and even the storyline are all the same! My friend gave me the super thick hard-covered Belgarath the Sorcerer. Did I finish reading that book? I must have, mustn't I? *laughs*

Robert Jordan
The Wheel of Time

Religiously bought (and read) all his books from 1 to 7. After that, there was a long wait for the 8th book, and I got tired of waiting, plus the fact that I was totally confused by the characters he kept introducing plus the most important fact that I've completely forgotten what the blazers the whole story was about, I stopped at Book 7. I doubt I'll ever start reading book 1 again. *lol*

Melanie Rawn
Dragon Prince
Dragon Star
Exiles

Hmm, must have read her books I'm sure, since they are on my brother's bookshelf. Can't remember the story at all. Mustn't have been too impressed with the story that means, since they are STILL on my brother's bookshelf. *laughs*

Terry Goodkind
Wizard's First Rule

Another book on my brother's bookshelf so that means I must have read it. Did I continue to read his other books in the series then? If I really cannot remember, it must be another one of those I'm not impressed with. heh heh

Tad Williams
Memory, Sorrow and Thorn Trilogy

4 books actually not 3, so why called it a trilogy? I've definitely read his books, but another of those which I've no idea what the story is about now.

Lynn Flewelling
Nightrunner Series

A refeshing read from all those thick books. I think she's starting another new series, something to do with some bone doll. Read that bone doll book at borders a couple of years back. Perhaps I'll buy it if the 2nd book in the bone doll series is interesting. Not sure if it's out yet.

J.R.R Tolkien
Lord of the Rings

Well, everyone was so captivated by the movie LOTR that they all went to buy the books. When the first LOTR movie was out, there was this colleague who was even bragging that he immediately went to buy all three books of LOTR for his kids to read. I wanted to snigger. Honestly. Then you hear that everyone was simply buying his books off the shelves and the books actually went out of stock! *snigger again* Sorry. Okie, I honestly truely *cross my heart* felt that the movie was wonderful, really good, the best till words fail to describe it, but I honestly truely *cross my heart* felt that the book was damn boring. I read all three books (Yes! All three books) in just one and a half day plus night just before my 'A' levels. And I can remember it very well, that though the storyline was very interesting and rather thought-provoking(?), the way the book was written was plain boring. Slow moving. That was why I read it through super fast cos' I wanted to know what happened in the end. I think my hubby didn't agree with me on that. But I bet he also skipped through the book quite a bit. *lol* ... okie okie, I also went to buy a hard-covered edition with pictures. But that was because kino was having a 20% discount sale! And I collect books. And my hubby wanted to read it. And ...well .. heh heh heh. I shall buy the dvd too. :) Hell, I may even read the book again! Or watch the movie again!! *LOL*

There are other fantasy books I've read, but I do not have any records of them, so cannot remember what they are. I do not read Terry Pratchett though. A friend in my Uni once recommended me his books cos' they were the funniest books ever. So I did the sensible thing and went to the library to pick up a book by TP. Erm, couldn't get pass the 1st chapter even! I cannot remember why now, but it must have been so bad that I couldn't read beyond the first chapter right? *LOL* whoops, I hope I did not hurt anyone's feelings ... :)

*****

Harry Potter
Didn't feel that they were worth buying so read the books in Borders. How many books were there all together now? The movies are much exciting in fact. Can't wait to catch the next one. Actually prefers Diana Wynne Jones books much much more!

Diana Wynne Jones
See her webpage here.

Loves her Chrestomanci series, and her book Howl's Moving Castle is going to be animated by the producers of Spirited Away etc. Check it out here.

Her writing is simple but there is depth, and it is thought provoking, unlike someone else's. Children's books but in a clean style, no violence, no wrong values taught. :)

Oh, check out Studio Ghibli too. :)

*****

Ever plonk yourself in the children's section in borders or kino or MPH and read children's books? Ever sneak into the children's section in the library casting fugitive glances about you hoping that you don't meet someone you recognise ... like you know ... *LOL*. Ever confiscate their books and finish reading it before returning to them? Okie, that's the ultimatum. *LOL*

*****

Learning Curves

I've learnt that:

If you want something to be done, you have to do it yourself.
Damn those freaking #^(*&$%!

I have to do everything myself again this year. So much for the so-called help!

I really cannot ask them to do it at all! Just look at the lousy stuffs they've given me!

Arrrgh.

Why me ...

*****

On a brighter note:

I'm learning -

To have patience when they ask the most bloody damniest stupidiest questions, especially just when you have explained the same thing twice.

To smile instead of banging your head against the wall (it hurts).

That bribery with sweets may work (so far).

*****

Okie, on a more serious note:

I'm learning -

Japanese with my hubby again. The teacher, Ms N, is so bubbly and funny and full of life, she reminds me of a kindergarten teacher! Gosh, and she can go on like that for 3 hours! I admire her stamina!! I can never do that! Is it because of the small class size? And the fact that the room is air-con? Plus we are really good students you know. *grins*

Word must have gotten around. My hubby had to do another of those 'dig-shit-from-ass' thingy. heh heh heh ... and I thought my work can be awful at times.

We did a workshop on The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. And I'm an INTP! Although I think I'm more of a S than a N. Interesting workshop, interesting lecturer, not quite a wasted day, but I'm feeling rather guilty cos' most of my work is not done yet! I shall try not to think too much about that. Now ... where are my chocolates ... heh heh

Hmm ... my hubby tampered with the LCD, now it looked strange. ack.

*****

Gosh ... they do have a sense of humour, unlike us here.

We have two levels of entry.

Level 1. You will have had at least 3-4 years of work experience in your Father’s shipping company, and a degree in something highly specialised, such as Medieval Golf Course Management, or French History (1433-34). You will need to able to gather and analyse information from a wide range of sources, be it newspapers, the wireless or television set. The ability to operate our Canon photocopier, and stop the fax machine eating bits of paper is vital. Applicants with a knowledge of Microsoft Windows 3.0 will be at an advantage.

Level 2. As well as all the above, you will have a thorough knowledge of Baroque music, and be able to make jokes in Latin. Juggling and/or knife throwing skills are always appreciated. You will also need to be able to use your powers of persuasion to get more money out of the government. The value of the ability to discover new threats to the Realm one month before the Public Spending Round cannot be overstated.

The pay for both these posts is not lavish, but there are many fringe benefits, including Health Plan, company car and Nectar Card.

We attract people from a variety of backgrounds, who find their work at MI5 most useful: journalists, KGB agents, CIA agents, Mossad agents, MI6 agents, animal rights activists, trade unionists, and coal miners, to name but those that we are aware of.

Continue at ....
Recruitment at M15


It's kinda hard to believe them at all. *LOL*

Just woke up feeling damn groggy. Kinda regret all that sleeping. Sacrificing yoga for sleep. Another day wasted.

Urrgh.

But I feel like going back to sleep again.

*LOL*

Gloomy thoughts

I woke up this morning feeling a little out of sorts. There was a thought lingering in my mind - must be had a bad dream. A thought concerning the MIL. It makes me feel gloomy in the heart, for I was looking forward to having a new place all to ourselves. Just the two of us. A new home. A refuge. A new place. Everything new. And I want everything my way in my new place. The mistress of the nest. I want to be able to be in control of what I want. What is it about women who wanted everything new? A new beginning? New pots and pans, new kitchenwares, new curtains, new furniture. Do I have to accept the old cloths for the curtains? Or the green sofa?! Oh, we have lots of plates and bowls - here, have them! Or ... I shudder to think. The best of intentions leads to the worst of disasters. Gloomy thoughts. I hope it was just a bad dream.

*****

On a lighter note, how awful it must be to have to dig shit out from someone's ass. Urrgh.

But it was funny the way he puts it. :)

Am listening to Puccini's O Mio Babbino Caro played by Joshua Bell on the violin with the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields. It's beautiful, really beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. I can just close my eyes and have the music swimming in my head. There are other beautiful pieces in the CD, in fact all the pieces in the CD 'Romance of the Violin' is beautiful. *puts on repeat*

:)

*blissful smile on face*

*****

Oh and he's quite cute too ... :)

You can read more about him and listen to part of the music O Mio Babbino Caro here.

I think I'll go down to HMV and get more of his CDs later. :)

*****

Wow! More of him here!
There're even so many images of him! *LOL*

I love violin pieces. It sings soulfully and tugs at my heart. There is a yearning for such peace and beauty in the music and there's an overwhelming sense of emotions when I hear such beautiful music. Words fail to describe it. Listen and understand for yourself! :)

*sigh*

:)

I think he plays the violin very well. Wish I could too.

Everyone seems to be chalking up on sleep debts. I've been sleeping at almost midnight and waking up at 5.30am everyday. It's no wonder I'm feeling sluggish and moody all day plus the fact that it's almost 3pm and I've not had anything since breakfast! Should you even wonder why I'm digging for my chocolates now? While waiting for mom to cook me lunch. Heh .. that's the best thing about living with parents. A hot meal everytime you are hungry. I'm certainly going to miss all these when I move out!

But once out of the sun and into my cool air-con room, I suddenly felt more alive especially after the chocolates. Going to play GB. :P Great game that! Have to catch up with my hubby while he is not around. ;)

He told me he had a strange dream last night. Dreamt that I was FAT. Extraordinary super duper humongous fat! Stretch your arms out to your side - that's the width! With layers and layers of jiggly, wobbly fats!! Can you imagine me fat? *ROFL* Perhaps I've been stuffing myself with too much chocolates lately. heh heh heh ... perhaps he's trying to wiggle out of treating me to a belated dinner for my birthday. *grins*

Oh goody, lunch is ready! ...

Thoughts on my birthday ...

This was something I wanted to write on my birthday, but time was spent enjoying and the day flew by so fast, that I didn't have time to put them down. The thoughts were in my head waiting to be found, a place in my little loft, so that perhaps I'll read them again and remember how I felt on that day.

Three people I know share the same birthday as I. One is a colleague whom I hardly speak 10 sentences to in a year. Another is a secondary school friend whom we were close once and last saw her only during her wedding. The third is someone special, because she is simply extraordinary, unlike you and me with our full physical facilities and health.

V_, is 4 years younger than me. She has motor neurone disease, or whatever it is called. I'm not sure about all this medical mumbo jumbo thingy. I first met her through another close friend who felt that we should meet since we had the same birthday. Also, during that time, I was feeling rather depressed and wallowing in self-pity. It would be good to jolt me back to reality wouldn't it? I think my friend was just sick of me whining away. LOL.

The first time I saw V_ I was rather taken aback. By her physical appearance. I felt awkward and large and clumsy and I didn't know what to say. Would it be deem insensitive if I were to talk about her condition? Would it be too cruel if I were to talk about myself? Or do we simply talk about the weather? But all the awkwardness melted away when she greeted me, curious to know more about me and what I do, and thanks to my friend who is damn chatty and can break the stubborn-est of ice. Sometimes I still feel awkward when I talk to her, but I've learn to set aside the block and treat her just like any other person. She's eager for chatter and I think one does best by simply being there.

I'm not sure about my own feelings towards her, but I know I admire her strength and will to live. I admire her courage to greet each and everyday no matter how terrible her condition is. I envy her cheerfulness and her simple look at the meaning of life. Whatever deep sadness she might have she must have locked it up and simply live each day as the most important day. Perhaps it is us with all our rushing and stressfulness, dreams to do well in life and struggle to be the top who ought to be pitied. Perhaps it's us who never stop to reflect and breathe the precious fresh air and scent of the flowers who are missing out on the importance of life. Stop ... and listen to the wind in the willows, to the breeze humming across the treetops and to the thoughts in your heart. :)

But I'm happy and contented now, and I must remember to remain contented, and not wish for too many things.

:)

Thoughts on blogging.

Blogging can be rather addictive. See, just within a short span of time, I suddenly started writing so much. Perhaps it is inspiration from reading other people's blogs. Perhaps it's just me - my interests work like puffs of smoke. For a while, I'll be doing nothing else but reading books, and another while, I might be captivated by writing and reading blogs, or perhaps I'll be simply playing computer games till late at night.

Anyway, coming back to blogging, I guess it's rather fun. I'm used to writing emails to friends, but sometimes it feels like intruding on them, or like simply flooding their inboxes with my musings. Hammie was certainly right in that this is a better way of getting stuffs off my chest. I'm not sure if I want people to read my blogs. I need to write like I'm talking to YOU - I can't imagine writing to no-one. But who you are, I do not know. :P

I've never written diaries when I was a kid ... I mean, like ... Dear Diary, who the hell is Diary? Duh. Okie, perhaps I'm not so imaginative as to have an imaginary friend to write to. I can't imagine me having any imaginary friends! It's all about me! mE! ME! I do tend to think thoughts to myself, and tell myself stories ... passing moments which disappear as fast as the electrical impulses in my brain travels. I know I used to tell myself lots of stories ... okie, talk to myself quite a bit too. LOL. But never had it written down. Is there a difference? Well, it's slower putting thoughts down in words, and one has to be more meticulous with the spelling (arrgh!) and the grammar (double arrgh!) and punctuation (triple arrgh) etc. One also can hardly have too much of the bloody f******* *&$^@#(* stuffs in words ... and it's definitely easier to think evil curses than writing them down. *Laughs* And okie, let's admit it, the best part is that my thoughts will still be there for me to read when I want to. narcissism and egoism. Hello!

:)

Boys will always be boys, playful, invincible and brave. Today one of my boys found a shoe and decided on a most creative prank - put the shoe up on the pole and let's see the owner trying to bring it down. And how is the shoe going up there? Not a problem at all. So up he jumped, placed the shoe there, down he dropped and gouged a deep huge wound in his knee. Blood spruted out in copious amount, soaking up the cloths his friends applied. So we went to the children's emergency. But he was so calm and kept reassuring us that it didn't hurt at all. I guess there were more people paler than him at that moment. I salute him for his bravery and really wish to throttle him for his silliness. I hope he gets well soon.

Another time last year, another of my boys broke his arm. Now, that was really scary. The arm became all rubbery. Eerrgh. Small kid, deeply tan, trying hard to hold back tears, arm like an eel. All I could do was to talk to him so he wouldn't have to think of the pain too much. He was also a brave boy but the pain was really too much. I can still see that situation in my mind. That one was really awful. I didn't know broken bones made one looked so scary.

Good god ... *trys to wipe image of scene of broken arm off my mind*

* * *

"So some respectable dodo in the Mauritius might have lorded it in his nest, and discussed the arrival of that shipful of pitiless sailors in want of animal food. 'We will peck them to death to-morrow, my dear.'"

From The War of the Worlds, H.G.Wells

Tickled me funny.

I think I might have read this book before. There are so many books I've read and I can't remember if I've read them. Was down at Kino for the 20% storewide discount, and bought books by P.D. James, Ian Rankin, Elizabeth George and of course Agatha Christie. I know I've not read the Rankin and George book, both being at that point in time I was finally smart enough to note down the books I've read, but P.D. James ... arrgh ... it was a while back when I was trying to haunt down all her books to read, and the book I've decided to buy finally - I hope I've not read it yet. Perhaps when I feel richer, I'll slowly buy all her books and read them again. Which is what I'm doing for AC books. :)

* * * * *

We are complacent creatures, we don't like changes especially when we are already comfortable and happy with the current situation, and especially if it involves more work. Are changes always necessary? Do we have to change the way we do something just so that it shows we are IT savvy? Does the change effect any improvement over the current situation? Or are we simply paying lip service so as to pacify the decision-makers that the money was well invested? Are we doing such things because 'other people are also doing it' and we want to be as good as them if not better? What matters if the immediate result is low morale, unhappiness, anger. Be resigned. Oh, but it is the end results that matters, you know. The BIG picture. For the good of all. yeah right. We just couldn't see it past our selfish noses. I'm tired. I don't care anymore.

What happened to being independent? What happened to family responsibilities? What happened to self responsibilities?

You tell me ...

Today my colleague was telling me about the last time she had a serious migrane attack. Had to take a cab down to the hospital all by herself. Threw up half way there. Cab driver got so angry, scolded her and threw her out of the cab onto the middle of the road in the middle of the night.

HUH?

I would have taken down the number of the cab and lodge a complain. Of course she'd have been to sick to do just that. How cruel can some people be!

Dementia, Madness, Genius, Love ...

Big round eyes, slightly protruding, with a milky film, staring, unblinking, seeing something far away, or perhaps not seeing anything at all, or perhaps seeing only memories, scene after scene playing behind the blurred lens.

Small beady eyes, bright, clear, intelligent, darting everywhere and but not looking at you, blinking furiously sometimes, unsettling, uncomfortable.

The perfect eyes of pools of darkness set against the smooth white balls. Deep, dark, full of secrets, cool, calculative, a trap to capture your gaze and set your guard down. Beautiful eyes, something which you look at forever and ever, spiraling downwards into them, yet unseeing, yet uncaring.

Eyes with warmth and sincerity, laughter and humour winking in the depth of the pupils, holding you safe and secure, eyes which shone with love, with pride, eyes which tell you the truth, hiding nothing, encompassing everything. My love.

Eyes of all shapes and sizes. Humans with their oval round eyes, single or double eyelids, strong gaze, fugitive glances; elves with their almond shape eyes, single eyelids, staring, intelligent, haunting; dwarfs with their mistrustful eyes, deep beneath their sockets, hiding behind long shaggy brows, firm yet uncertain, undecided; hobbits with their happy eyes, bright, innocent, full of joy and laughter. Eyes are the mirrors of their souls. Have you ever looked into a person's eyes and wonder what the person is like? Can you have an inkling of what goes on in the thoughts of a person when you look into the eyes? Do the eyes show madness, or truth? Are the eyes telling you something when a shadow falls upon them? Eyes can be sparkling clear, and sometimes they can become opaque. Eyes can look dull, and sometimes they glisten with tears. Look into the eyes and wonder. Look into the eyes and perhaps you can read their minds and see their heart or perhaps nothing at all.

You can tell a lot of a person when you look into the eyes. There could be an instinctive trust or a shuddering dislike. Perhaps a unconscious liking, or disgust. Or perhaps pity, sadness, joy ... emotions fleetingly fly past you and you are left with a sense of something towards the person. Subconsciously, you know, yet unable to put into words.

*****

I wish my Grandma is well. She is with us physically, but her mind is lost somewhere, untouchable, unreachable. Before she is a gentle lady, vibrant and caring and hardworking. She'll tell me stories and cheer me up after a day at work. But slowly she deteriorates, and withdraws into herself. Yet not too bad as she is willing to be brought out of her shell. I could always get along with her, and we enjoyed our conversations very much. I missed my Grandma in that way. Now, all is left is her physical being, no spirit, no strength, no person.

Before when she came to stay with us, there were already hints that her mind is failing. Sometimes she'll see or hear things only visible to herself. Perhaps many years of memories play in her mind and she sees and hears them and wishes she were back then. She'll talk to the ghosts in her past, holding a perfectly ordinary conversation on a perfectly ordinary day with someone you can only perhaps see with her eyes. Once, she kept asking me why the little boy is crying, she was rather distressed that he couldn't stop. Only there were Grandma and I alone in my room, on a rather dark and quiet night. Spooked me out, rather. Other times she'll become all quiet and introspective, and when I approached her, she'll whisper at me to shush, she wanted to hear the singing. It still wasn't too bad, since she could recognise where she is and who she is. Yet now her mind is totally locked somewhere and she does not even know who we are. She will just be quietly sitting by a corner, staring but not seeing, hearing nothing, doing nothing. Is she still dreaming of her past or has her mind become completely blank? Is there a soul trapped in the frail body wishing to be released or is there no such thing as a soul at all? Does she still understand where she is and who she is? Does she still know that we all still love her and that she is being well taken care of? Can her life be anymore meaningful without the mind to command the will?

My mom sacrifices her freedom to take care of my grandma. She doesn't give up nor does she get unhappy. Grandma has always been nicest to us, she says. My mom, I think, is the greatest person in the whole world. Her brothers who took the money, only boys get them, see, and some never even come to visit Grandma. Her sisters visit and only make my mom more busy. Sometimes I can't help feeling angry with how unfair it all is. When my mom fired the maid, the hypocrite among them came calling to ask my mom how she is coping, but only wanting to get the maid's contacts. They don't care, do they? I only wish that my Grandma knows in her heart that she is being taken care of by my mom. I only wish that my Grandma is mentally all right so she can be with us not just physically but here, in the sense. The last time we could still celebrate her birthday with her with a simple cake and feel the joy to see her smile. Today, there is nothing. Emptiness. Eyes opaque, staring, unblinking, unseeing.

sigh...

Time

Time does indeed pass by very fast. Read Hammie's post on his thoughts. We are all the play-things of Time. Time has no compassion, nor any mercy. It moves relentlessly through the centuries, seeing nothing, leaving only histories to be written by the strong and powerful. How can we beat Time at his own game?

There's only 24 hours or 1440 minutes or 86400 seconds in a day. Even as I write this, the seconds ticked away, never to be retrieved. There are so much things to do in a day. 24 hours is not enough! But do I wish to have more Time? Do I want to be immortal? I don't know really. Having only this limited amount of Time makes me feel that life has a meaning, a purpose. To do everything I want to do ever before Time runs out for me. Do not waste too much time thinking of what the past might be, or what could have been done better. Do not dwell too much on regrets and think what could have happened if I had walked on another path at the junction of roads. Perhaps there's a parrallel world where my other selves in another Time does something differently. I do not know, all I know is I only have this one lifetime to make my Time here meaningful to myself. If I have all the Time in the world, I'll probably waste it all. :P

Growing old - working with young people reminds me terribly of my own time at their age. Sometimes I wish that I had done this and that instead of others. I wish I could be still as young and carefree without any responsibilites. But being at the age I am now also open a lot more doors for me. It is only a matter of how I make use of what I have. Perhaps that's why I'm trying to do so many things right now. :)

It is very important to priortise one's time properly. There is the choice of career, family and personal interests. Which one is the most important to you? There isn't enough time to enjoy everything. If one wants every finger in the pie, one will only end up with a sense of urgency to complete all the goals, and perhaps kill all joy in between. Perhaps it's better to give equal footage for all, but with slight emphasis on the things you treasure more. Perhaps do everything you have to do and make it enjoyable for yourself. Work can be overwhelming at times, so treat yourself if you feel too stressed. Yoga does work. I feel less stressed and am able to focus more on the work at hand. :)

Thus saying all these, it's rather ironic that I spent so much time on the computer, blogging and reading and playing computer games. heh heh. To work now ... a beautiful day awaits!

I'm falling sick ...

You know when you are falling sick. Somehow there are more sneezes, just one more than the normal count, or maybe two or three more and non-stop too. You feel something in your throat, a little dry, a little sore. Air swish up the throat drying it further. Nose becomes slightly more blocked as do the ears. Tissue after tissue you use, and you see the pieces slowly pile up like snow on your table. There's a niggling sense of heaviness at the back of your head, a dull ache behind your eyes. There is a tightness at the shoulder blades and you wish someone could stab you there to ease the pain. heh. Your eyes are bright, you feel a bit hyper but your muscles are drugged. You know you shouldn't have taken the iced mocha with chocolate gelato this afternoon, but your taste buds had become sensitive and wanted something sweet. Though the cookies and creme your friend had was definitely much nicer. (Why is it that someone's elses food always taste nicer?) You know you shouldn't have taken so much chocolates during the weekend, but really, it was a nice treat for yourself especially when work is rather depressing. The weather was hot, then cold, then hot again. You had a hot bath and went into the air-con room and out into the humid world again. The bed beckons but you don't wish to sleep yet. Blame it on the mocha.

... why am I falling sick? :)

Of Cats and Dogs


I've always thought I am a dog person. You know, dogs are such cute lovable creatures. They look at you with their melting eyes, wag their tails non-stop and grin their silliest goofy grin with their slurpy tongue hanging out and dripping saliva all over you. Dogs don't ask for much, just waiting for you to hug and play with them. Besides, my relatives all had dogs once upon a time. My earliest memory I had was the mongrol my grandparents had when I was little. A little black dog (actually she looked quite big at that time)called pui-pui (as in fat-fat). Erm, my memory is mainly assisted by the photos I had and the stories told by my parents. Where we would run around chasing pui-pui or be chased by her. Where my older brother was chased by her once and he got so frightened he climbed (or tried to climb) up a tree. Where she would always get excited when we come and visit and tried to sniff us for drugs .. erm, I mean treats. And that action always annoyed my mom. My mom got a long history with dogs, but that's another story. When pui-pui grew old and passed away, we were all very sad.

Then there were other dogs. Dogs my uncles had - those Pomenarian types, silly creatures actually. I waited my turn to carry one and when one was put in my arms, I promptly dropped the dog. Good thing it wasn't a baby huh. ;) Then there were the occasional dogs I met at friends' places - usually dignified gentlemanly golden retrivers or sheepdogs. I'm not sure about the breeds. And my very close friend got a small greyhound. Very intelligent, smart aleck kinda dog. So intelligent he doesn't want to play with me. humf.

*** ***

So as I was saying, I always thought I'm a dog person. Until I met the cat.

Cats - aloof, cool, dignified, intelligent.

But this cat is very special. I mean it is rather ordinary actually. The Singapore Cat. With sharp beautiful feline features, long tail, molted black and reddish fur. Just like any other strays. Only this cat is special.

We call her The CAT.

She was brought up by my mother-in-law. The only one left amongst her siblings. When the mother cat abandoned the litter, she was only a few days old. Wouldn't have survived if not for my mother-in-law. But there's something about this cat which no other cats posessed. She grew up so affectionate and so lovable, so cute and ... oh, I hardly know how to describe!

You can pick her up, turn her upside down and play with her. Cuddle her close to you and squeeze her gently. She simply looks at you and purr and is happy just to be with you. Grab her leg with your toes and she'll immediately flop onto the floor waiting to be stroked. Pull her tail and she'll turn and look at you in puzzlement then flop onto the floor hoping that you'll rub her instead. She'll flop down on her right side so that you can rub her on her left side and when that is done, she'll roll over to her left side(Yes! she rolls over from left to right and back!) and you'd better rub her on her right side too! Sometimes when you're just sitting there, she'll come and flop her little head onto your foot and purr contentedly. She'll follow you anywhere you go, upstairs and downstairs and especially into the kitchen. She'll be so excited to go where you go that she'll walk right bang into your legs and you end up hopping on one foot in order to avoid stepping on her. Not that she minds at all ...

When you're not around, she'll go out and gallivant. But she knows when you are back, so when you open the gate, suddenly from out of the dusk, she'll trot calmly back in and gives you the look which says, "humf, my human, where have you been?" She's so trusting, sometimes we are really worried about her. When she's not back, sometimes it helps by standing in the middle of the street and meow at the top of your voice. :P Okie, maybe not in the middle of the street, but when she's nearby and hears our voice she'll come running home, waiting to be hugged.

She has a very forgiving nature. Once my husband tricked her into giving her a bath. As usual she loves to be picked up and hugged. Only that time, she was brought to the sink to get a shock of her life. But the most amazing thing was that she didn't even struggle or scatch my husband. She got very wet then was rubbed dry. And when he released her, all she did was looked at him with a doubtful and woebegone expression and blinked. After that she avoided him for a couple of days but readily forgave him and forgot the whole incident.

Wonderful cat huh?

After knowing this cat which is intelligent, affectionate, cuddly, lovable and all ... I no longer find dogs that interesting.

So are you a cat or dog person? :)

Today I bumped into my ex-Japanese Elementary 1 class teacher, Miss Maeda. She recognised me of course ....

Konichiwa.

*yup I know that* Konichiwa :) .. I replied.

something something something kyoo ....

*HUH?*

something something something else ...

*errrr...*

So I blinked at her, and she had to converse with me in her halting English.

Ah well .... haha ... at least I did understand 3 Japanese words all together! Yikes! Really time to revise and continue with more Japanese lessons!

I'm sure I felt ashamed .... for 5 seconds at most :)

The world is an ugly place. It's amazing how unforgiving people can be, and how much their ugly nature comes in to take advantage of every single situation. True, we were partly to be blame. We had a shock, and we were willing to make amends. The Malay was not seriously hurt, just a few bruises from falling. His bike was a bit wobbly but nothing broken. It was a close shave. Thank God. A hard lesson learnt. Braked in time, we did not hit him, he hit us (or did he?) and fell. We were willing to compensate but how much? No, a whole group of Malays then descended down on us, like sharks out in a bloody frenzy. I'm sorry sharks, I think you're nicer creatures than men. Shouting and demanding all kinds of things. Were they trying to frighten us? Said one so furiously: you are not going to get away with this! I am a public servant! You will hear from my lawyer! While the Uncle kept quiet, the rest argued and demanded money and simply making lots of noise for some reason. Injustice! Do we have to pay with a pound of flesh? The other guy whose parked car got dented by the fallen bike also made hue and cry not unlike over a dead person. He cursed and sweared and shouted and argued and threatened. Riots all started this way.

So we made a police report. He came and saw and listened. Told them all to report to their insurance. I doubt we will be making any claims. I wonder if the Malay is going to, his bike doesn't looked like it needed the workshop. The parked car may not even be able to claim from us! How ironic. The Malay daughter called up to ask for compensation. Too late huh. I will laugh. From feeling terrible about the whole incident to becoming cynical about the whole thing. We shall see what happens next.

Same reason for my lack of compassion for charities. Sometimes I feel awfully evil. But to have the cans thrust out right under my nose and the person demanding ... yes, demanding that I give, oh to the cancer patients or to what-not charities, I don't know, it really turned me off. Especially in the light of the recent revelation from NKF. Compassion .... must it always be in the form of money? Is one lacking any if one wishes not to donate? Have we become a communist state where the average has to give to the poor and a capitalistic state as the rich gets richer? The G wants the families to take care of their own elderly and is unwilling to help. If the families are unable to, then everyone else must help except G. That's just it isn't it? Me, I shall take care of my Granny first and my familly and other less fortunate people I know personally.

TGIF. I get to go off real early today, first time since the year started! :)

Something interesting

From Yoga Journal: Living in an Age of Fear

With mindfulness practice, you learn to see how the untrained mind is agitated by the human condition and how not to allow this general anxiety to fuel your fear in a specific situation. You also gain tolerance for the unpleasantness of uncertainty and also the naturalness of your own imperfection. You have confidence that "life is like this." You cannot and are not supposed to miraculously fix it; rather, you gain the insight that happiness and peace come from relating to life just as it is.

How true :)

Now I remember what it was that I wanted to write.

The maverick

She emailed the whole staff as well as the management and the big head her true and uncensored and unabridged opinion about the system and about someone in particular. Where others talked about it in hushed tones or complained in the safety of their own circle, she said all - straight from her heart. Some may say it's damn rude, some may think she's asking for trouble, some may feel she's couragous, and some may think she's crazy. Whatever it is, did it achieve the desired effect? Would it be another of those things where when something bad happened to the cat, you sweep it under the carpet and spray the room with nice scent and serve tea to stiff-lipped aunties? Honestly speaking, I thought her email would have been rather vague if she had not explained to me what she was getting at. She explained to me before I read it so it was quite clear when I thought of what she said. It didn't really affect me, but it was rather interesting to read. The intrigues and politics which happened all around you. The invisible currents which tugged at you, pulled your hair and whispered gloom and dipped unhappiness. I'm really not sure if it has the effect she wanted though. There are some who spoke up to support her yet the important people remained silent, their cheeks turned the other way, halos showing. The top privately emailed her, cautious and diplomatic yet meaningless. There was one who spoke up too which I'm not sure if she would have liked that since I doubted she supported his ways in the first place. Ahh, the irony of it all. It's quite amusing actually. In this society, why bother?

I do not have any opinion, I neither support what she has done nor condemn it. I am not interested in the politics of a small narrow-minded culture. Just do one's best in whatever one has to do. Be it so if one's work is never appreciated or condemned. Be it so if one's best is not the best in another person's eye. Let it go, it really doesn't matter when one is gone. I can't find any feelings for the whole affaire. I simply feel like an on-looker. I've complained too, felt frustrated over things and yelled at the top of my voice. Lanced it out of your system and let the peace in back to you.

Do yoga. :)

A little something about my dearest

I want to write this about my dearest for a long time. Perhaps someday he may read this, and he'll know how much he means to me. If not, I just want to put it down so that I can read and remind myself how much he means to me. :) Especially when I'm angry with him. *heh* He is not perfect, of course ... but he doesn't have to be. Sometimes he drives me nuts with his F9 topo skills, yet most of the time he is my pillar of strength. I think the most wonderful part of him is that he believes in me and loves me. And I can always be my true self in front of him.

When the dragon breathes fire and snorts smokes from her nostrils, the cat hides and stays away until the rainbow comes out. Then when the dragon calms down and feels guilty, the brave oxen gives a hug and looks wise. When the wombat is gloomy and it rains everyday, the cat gives a big goofy smile and chases the dark clouds away. Sometimes, the cat has claws and becomes a lion, oh hear the lion growl, and the little wombat bellys up and shudders but knows that the lion is still a cat at heart.

I think I'm the luckiest person in the whole wide world. Have I already said that? :) He doesn't push me away when I show off my terrible temper in its full colours and glory, and he doesn't get judgemental or critical when he knows I know I have done something or said something not very nice. He is tolerant of my faults and habits. Although he does get grouchy sometimes, he is willing to be cheered up. The best part is that we enjoy doing lots of fun things together, from intimate stuffs *ahem* ;) ... to playing computer games, playing chess and scrabble, blading together, driving in our car together, reading, studying, working .... everything! And to make things even more exciting, there's always a healthy and funny (as in haha) competition going on. Like when we are playing against each other, we'll try to beat each other flat with cheats and swindles and distractions, or when we are playing together against other opponents, there are still cheats, swindles and distractions. LOL. He doesn't have to be around with me all the time to make me secure, as long as I know he loves me, I am whole.

Am I not the happiest person in the whole wide world? :)

Now I've forgotten what else I wanted to write about tonight. My friend called me just now and interrupted my thoughts. Gosh, this friend of mine .... she mumbles into the phone and her voice trails off into the air to be swallowed by the deep eddy. I press the phone tight into my ear to catch the wisp of her voice by the tail, trying to shake out the vowels and consonants to catch its meaning before it slips away into the night. Erm ... what was I saying? Oh yeah ... this friend of mine. She laughs suddenly sometimes or smiles for no reason in the middle of a conversation. Her eyes are unfocused and you see your words going right through her head and out from the other ear. It's so exasperating sometimes and 'airhead' really suits her. Mind you, not that she's stupid or what, she's very intelligent and although one feels like strangling her and screaming down her throat, she's still a wonderful person. You wonder about her. *grins* ... no truely, I like her when I'm not feeling murderous. :)

Divorce is messy.

Really messy. To think someone you knew did an overnight chameleon act on you. Can you trust the person any longer? What was he thinking of? Was there really an excuse to do something like that? My friend's divorce upset her very much. I felt quite surprised when I knew the real reason. I met him for gatherings and dinners and he seemed very much close to her. Yet, *shrug*. I'm just glad that she is stong and has decided to move on, to think of it as a silver lining in the cloud. A friend said, "Poor ~, the guy doesn't know how to treasure good thing." I'm not sure I'd agree with that, but he was certainly wrong to do what he did. Now, everything you once shared must be split in between, or destroyed, or given away. It's really sad. Or was it really sad? I always thought that they were too different, and she's so full of life and zest, and keen to improve herself and go work in the UN. Oh well .....

I'm terrible at writing.

There are so many things I want to write about but they are all in my thoughts. I think about them, and they float away in the wind. I should capture them down and carve them on wood or electronic whatever. Yes, I really should. ;)

Where shall I start? Lots of things happened since I last wrote. I went to the National Individuals Schools Chess Championships today and felt like I've stepped into my history. I was that age too, when I was so excited and nervous. So eager to start the game, yet filled with butterfiles in the stomach. Mind filled with all the possible combinations yet fingers cold with dread worrying which move I should take. Now, I felt like looking out through the eyes of a ghost, drifting along in the babble, walking through the running kids and floating along the hushed hall. I felt calm, and I looked at the games without excitment. All these are over for me. I certainly can't play in tournaments anymore, though the idea of joining the National Women's flirted at the edge of my mind. It would be nice to take up the gauntlet, be alive and breathing (and sweating). To live with fear and insanity at the edge for one wrong move leads to a downfall. Do I have the courage? My sensibilities stepped in and woke me up from my muse. Naahh ... I'm too old and it's bloody too stressful, huh. Still, perhaps one day when I've time to practise, ... perhaps, perhaps .....

Friendship


Sometimes I wonder what friendship is all about. Can one really have a very best friend, someone whom you can tell all your secrets and who really understands you and stand by your side and be with you whenever you need them? Well, that sounds like my hubby right now :) ... but besides him, do I exactly have a girlfriend who is like that to me? Conclusion: I don't think so. No one, besides my hubby, falls into that category. Is that the way it is with most people? It seems that some girls I know have girlfriends to hang out with, but as one gets older, do such friends then drift apart and make their other half their only and best friend?

Or perhaps it's just me. I have quite a few good friends, but I sometimes wonder what friendship means. We used to email and share our troubles and joys but after a while everyone drifts off. Now and then, we still try to keep in touch, meet up for birthdays and the like, but not everyone really bothers so much. We all seem to be so caught up with our own work that it's hard to find time to get together without much trouble. Of course there are some who takes the effort but others require sheer persistence to get through to them. If I have not bothered, I would not have any of these friends left. If I have not bothered, would they still remember me around? If I have not bothered, would they still have bothered? On the other hand, would they still want me to keep bothering them? Had I been a good friend? What does a good friend do anyway? Perhaps one doesn't need friends anyway.

Friends cannot help you deal with your problems and troubles. Friends doesn't make troubles go away. I'll feel guilty if I unburden too much to them, then again I'll feel even more guilty if they unburden themselves to me and I cannot help them solve their problems either. So what is friendship all about?

Service with a Smile

Service is very important. It really makes you decide whether to do your business with them or not. Seriously speaking, I've come across some sales people who really give really good and wonderful services and who are always smiling, which makes you want to spend more money on their products. On the other hand, there are those sales people who really turn you off.

Last week, my hubby and I decided to get a car. We went to quite a lot of car showrooms. It was really interesting, seeing all those brand new cars waiting for us to buy! :P But gee ... the sales people at Toyota and Honda really made me feel like screaming. They were oh so dao. Treat us both like glass and were practically looking down their noses at us. Oh so high and mighty salesman ... especially the one at Toyota ... wah, the more I think of it, the more I wish they will plaster their faces in the toilet bowl so that the rest of humanity can have a better day. I mean, you don't show potential customers your black face or treat them like they're invisible or like they are only wasting your time or what right? Really vomit blood. Ha ... so we brought our money to some other company, and I must really commend the sales person at the Renault showroom. Gosh, he was so patient, and witty, and friendly and so eager to help us. Showed us around, catered to every whims and wishes of my hubby and had a rather impressive knowledge of the vehicle we were looking at. The car was rather expensive compared to the Japanese version of the same cc, but we were totally sold by the idea by the sales person. He was really good! Not only in selling his product but was one of the nicest sales person I've come across. Toyota and Honda are no big deal. So what if everyone buys your car? You just lost a potential customer! So Renault, here we come!

That's the problem with the sales in Singapore. Most of the time nowadays the sales people are rather friendly and they really made you feel good and want to buy things from them. Then again, there're always a small minority who are totally inflexible and unfriendly. If everyone in this country would boycott such sales people, I wonder what will happen to them? haha :P Okie, I know sometimes the customers can be very unreasonable. I've seen some very unreasonable customers demanding this and that, yet the very patient sales person still serve with a smile. I think those sales people are really impressive! At the end of the day, even the unreasonable customers became quite reasonable. We're not talking about those hard-core loud mouthed unreasonable customers. Those kind really no hope lah! :P

Untitled (for now)

The earliest memory I had was of this room. It was dark and gloomy with little light coming through the small window. The window was shut and the air was full of burning incense. The smell was smothering, and in the haze I could see a shaft of light passing through the dirty glass and lighting up a corner of the room – very dimly. In my memory, the walls of the room looked rather washed out. Were they painted red or was it just the gloom which caused it to look dark? There was a sound of someone sobbing which was being muffled by the continuous chanting of the priests in the background.

I could always see this picture very well in my mind’s eye. I remembered feeling annoyed that my dolls were taken away from me. Auntie whispered, “hush, no more playing” and quickly took my dolls away, dressed me up and shunted me into the gloomy room. I didn’t want to be there. The smoke hurt my eyes and there were many shadows in the room. There was a strong feeling of fear and anger surrounding me and everything in the room. Shadows shuffled in and out all the time. The sound of chanting left a buzzing sound in my ears and gave me a headache. I was very tired and there was no one to talk to. Was that my brother crying?

Whispers, whispers …. “poor child” ….. “does she know …. dying …. long and painful journey”. Footsteps on the wooden floor, long robes swishing around the door corner, and the monotonous chanting which went on and on and on …. I went to the dimly lighted corner and hid there. The dim light fell on my hands and I played with making shadows with my fingers. No one could see me. No one wanted to see me.

***

I haven't been thinking much lately, nowadays I'm just living in the present. Rushing from one place to another, at work when there's free time, I'll be preparing more work, and then doing another thing, followed by another or simply reading. Even doing yoga - especially the mediation part - one simply stops thinking and just be ... but mediation is good, it stills one and gives one a sense of peace and thoughts lay quiet.

Honestly speaking, there isn't much to think about nowadays! Am being very complacent and contented. Perhaps people who keeps thinking are still looking for something? I have found my peace and I don't seem to think so much about life.

But even if I do start thinking, what do I think about?

Bad blog ... last week I updated my blog with the things I always wanted to do, and guess what ... the bloody buggy bad blog bloody bleh on me. And I didn't save my work. Why should one save one's work when the whole idea is to simply type and post? Just like what a diary should be. Sigh ... guess I still have to save my work somewhere. troublesome. *bleah* Lazy moi. :P

Okie, let me see if I still remember what were the things I had wanted to do. I'll be 28 this year and there're so many things I really want to do before I get old. 28 is old. If one doesn't give oneself time to do the things one wants, then what would be the meaning of life?

1. I want to learn the violin.
2. I want to improve my piano.
3. I want to learn water colour painting.
4. I want to finish my knitting of the not-so-nice colour sweater which is actually for myself. Although everyone tells me the colour is nice, somehow I don't really like it very much. Do I change or simply stick with it till the end? ... I guess I'll just stick with it. Perhaps that's why I'm not too motivated to do it fast!
5. I want to learn Japanese.
6. I want to do more yoga. Basically I want to be able to do handstands properly by end of this year! :) I can do headstands now, but my arms and shoulders still lack the strength to do handstands on my own.
7. I want to go on a yoga retreat. *dream* :)
8. I want to improve my chess skills.

I'll add on to the list when I remember what else I want to do :)

Happy New Year!
It's a beautiful morning today. The sky is so blue, the trees look greener, the air smells fresher since there are few cars on the road today. What a great way to start a new year! Although I don't feel any different, nor any wiser, nor older ... :P But it's a good morning to carve my New Year resolutions in stone ... I mean, on virtual paper. :)

1. I will wake up early in the morning and do my yoga.
Hmmm. same as what I resolved to do last year but didn't manage to do so.

2. I will work harder and spend less money.

Okie, that's more than enough. :P And so much for waking up early to do yoga ... I feel like going back to sleep now .... *yawn* :P