Friday, September 23, 2005

Me ... lucky?

Perhaps so ... perhaps so.

But me? I do not believe in luck. Luck is what you make of it. You either play an active role in your life, or be a passive chessplayer and wait to be overwhelm slowly by each and every move thrown at you.

Me? I do not feel I am an especially lucky person. Never win any money (not like my mom), nor had any special attention whatsoever. Yet, I am fortunate in many ways and most importantly, I am happy and contented.

Me? I believe that whatever one wants in life, one must go and get it with one's own hands. Wallow in the past and one will miss seeing the pretty butterfly flittering among the flowers tasting the sweet nector. Bury yourself in work everyday and one will miss smelling the sweet salty tangy sea air that comes in from the ocean. Drive yourself to extremes and the soul will know no real peace and serenity.

One must sometimes take a deep breath, cast the mind to silence, cast the heart to stillness and decide whether one wants to be happy or miserable or just be.

Life is full of mundaness. It is when one can live with it and find the happiness in it either alone or together with someone that life has its meaning then. It takes hard work and effort to look for that elusive and translucent little bit of silvery happiness, and sometimes you have to hunt it down and catch it and make it work. Definitely not easy at all.

It was never easy when it all started. There were cold silences and tears, ghosts in the attics and skeletons in the closets. There were criticisms and rejections, unhappiness and annoyances. There were good times and bad times, and times when one feels like stopping the clock and resigning, instead of seeing it to the end. It was easy to walk away, too easy, and it was tiring. But slowly things worked out and we talked, we agreed, and we moved on. And the best thing was simply to be direct and honest ... and perhaps to be at peace in all situations.

It's just a way of seeing things. In the eyes of a sleepy cat, or a hungry wombat, or even a grouchy tiger. And it's just how much effort you want to put in to make things work.

And to ask yourself, and to know yourself.
What is it that you want for both of you? What is it that you are willing to give?

To be loved, to be appreciated, to be there to listen.

Love him unconditionally and be loved.
To do little things and be appreciated.
To listen and be there.

And sometimes it is a sacrifice on your time and your life. But being romantic is all about sacrifice right? :P

I wonder how it is like to be standing on the beach, with the monotonous sound of waves beating a fixed tempo on the sand, with the sky a clear baby blue and nary a cloud on the horizon, with your toes curling around the soft white sand and the sun smilling into your eyes, and all the while not knowing that a huge hurricane is brewing up far far away out at sea, invisible to the peaceful and warm beach you are standing in.

Where the storm will hit in a few hours time, and will cause destruction of a scale unimaginable. And there you are, standing on the beach and staring out at the apparent calmness of the beautiful ocean, listening to the quiet swooshing and not knowing, and just be ... alive at that moment.


No comments: