Sunday, January 02, 2005

Raining Days

It's raining again today. Usually I love rainy days. I loved looking out at the grey clouds, seeing the mighty flash and raw power unleash by the heavens and feeling totally safe at home, snuggled and warm. But I have been feeling rather down. Perhaps it's really the weather, perhaps I'm just stressed.

Lin is back. I'm glad. I got a earful of how the bloody airlines left her luggage back in Kazakhstan. heh. But it's fortunate that she's back here and not off somewhere. It sure is nasty to be stuck without your luggage! I hope to see her before she flies off again. And I really hope she's all right. Quite hard to talk over the phone.

I spoke to PM yesterday. She has finally gotten a handphone. Yay! Unfortunately, she couldn't remember the number and had left the hp in her locker. I'm still waiting for her to call me from the hp so that I can get the number. shessh. She told me she got the hp because of that time she fell down the bicycle when her pager went off. And she was so cheesed off that couldn't find a coin-slot phone to return call. She is definitely living in the dinosaur age! Heh .. well, whatever the reason, I guess that means she's more contactable, but ... I hardly think so actually. :P She told me the last time the bonnet of her car went under the lorry was because she fell asleep at the wheel. It's really terrible.

I guess I'm just getting more paranoid and neurotic as I grow older. I'm just glad dear hubby doesn't drive in that conditions. Although sometimes the way he drives makes me worried. :(

It's very easy to become paranoid and frightened if one sits at home all day and brood about things. I'm stressed about the house, which is not ready yet. Nice curtains are too expensive, so I can't choose the best. Even if I can, I won't ... since I cannot bring myself to spend those kind of money. So I need to do more calculations and look around some more. We're cutting down on the lights as well. Hubby wants to do up a room for himself. It's wonderful to see his eyes sparkling and him getting excited about it, but I'm just being paranoid that we'll get cheated by all those contractors and I can't help because I know nuts about renovation. I guess I'm just not too enthusiastic about the house right now. Especially work is starting soon and there's a million and one things to worry about. I wanted to move in and spend a week getting used to everything before work started, but right now, everything seems to drop down from the sky. I feel like the Vitalstatistix, the chief of the Guals, who always worried about the sky falling on his head. And it now has, on my head. Everything seems to be so uncertain. Like not knowing how the house is going to turn out, like not knowing if I can handle those kids, like not knowing if I can teach those lessons, like not knowing if I can handle living on our own and taking care of hubby. And many many more. *sigh*

Wen is asking me to go Bali with her again this year. I don't want to go without hubby, but he wouldn't have time to go with me. And it'll be strange to go with her and hubby. And I do want to go, yet I'll miss him if I go without him, and hubby doesn't want me to go without him. So how?

And so I dump the whole load of worries to one side and go shopping, but it just felt worse. I can't wait till tomorrow. Things always feel better when it happens and you just do your best and stop worrying about it. I must go for yoga soon. :)

There's always a rainbow somewhere out there ... and gold at the end of it. :)

The Rainbow Connection
by Kermit the Frog

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions
but only illusions
and rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong wait and see
Someday we'll find it
the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers, and me

Who said that every wish
would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of it
and someone believed it
look what it's done so far

What's so amazing that keeps us star-gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it
the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers, and me

All of us under its spell
We know that it's probably magic!

Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name
Is this sweet sound
that calls the young sailor?
the voice might be one and the same

I've heard it too many times to ignore it
It's something that I'm s'posed to be
Someday we'll find it
the Rainbow Connection
the lovers, the dreamers and me!

Xena should be back soon. I hope she's all right.

On a gloomy and rainy day like this, the best accompanying music are choral type of music ... like a Requeim.

I need advice. Advice is telling someone what they want to hear. :X

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