Friday, December 17, 2004

Getting my goat

I hate it when people gets negative. So I was telling my father that they had done an awful job out of the floor and we're going to speak to the project manager about it, who had promised to take a look and try to help. And what did my father say? Ohhh ... no use one lah, he can't do anything one, those chinamen only anyhow do, no point one. It's like that one lah blah blah blah ... and he looked so smug about it because he's the expert so there. Ohhh ... I was soo angry with my father then. I always hated it when he did such things to me. Come on ... so you know all about it, at least can't you be more encouraging? Or perhaps you could give us some tips on how to get things done instead of standing on your high chair and proclaiming doom and disaster? I was so depressed. This whole defects business is so annoying and depressing. I want to move in before Christmas. I want to start the new year in my new home. Actually I have to, else I'm going to have to travel a hell of a distance to get to work. Sheesh. Only mom is understanding and she listens when I unload my rants on her. Father is never, never, never nice. And they say I'm the apple of his eyes. Ha. ha ha. I spit.

Yes, I was that unhappy with him. I never did get along that well with him. So, forget about those happy lovely wedding where the father would hand the bride away. Ha. ha ha. I don't want to have anything to do with him. He was never truely sincere in my happiness after all.

Anyway, we spoke with the Project Manager who had in turn, 'scolded' the so-called supervisor, so they're going to redo the floor, fix the tap for us ... and hopefully do something about the tiles as well. *rolls eyes* I vented somewhat on the chinaman as well, telling him that he was damn skirting his responsibility and what the hell did he mean by it is like that and if we didn't like it, just send in another complain? Hell and brimstone, that would take another month before it would even be looked at! I dunno, I really hope they'll do it properly by next week. It's really very very depressing.

I know I'm working myself up to be unhappy today. But I feel there's this latent energy and anger in me and there's no outlet for it. I need to do yoga, but my teacher has gone back to sdyney, and the other one which I sometimes go to might also be on leave. There isn't anyone for me to vent my anger on, nor anyone I would wish to lash out at anyway. And hubby is busy at work today and can't be by my side. I just hate this world. And it is times like this that I just hate myself. And I just don't feel like doing all the things which I should be doing either. It is times like this when I would like to crawl under a stone and ignore the whole world. May it die a thousand million times.

Perhaps next time when I look back at what I've written, I'll laugh at myself, but right now ... I just feel like doing something destructive and extremely evil.

Perhaps I'm just hungry. :P

It's simply amazing how one feels so much happier after filling one's stomach. *puffs cheeks out*

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