Untitled (for now)

The earliest memory I had was of this room. It was dark and gloomy with little light coming through the small window. The window was shut and the air was full of burning incense. The smell was smothering, and in the haze I could see a shaft of light passing through the dirty glass and lighting up a corner of the room – very dimly. In my memory, the walls of the room looked rather washed out. Were they painted red or was it just the gloom which caused it to look dark? There was a sound of someone sobbing which was being muffled by the continuous chanting of the priests in the background.

I could always see this picture very well in my mind’s eye. I remembered feeling annoyed that my dolls were taken away from me. Auntie whispered, “hush, no more playing” and quickly took my dolls away, dressed me up and shunted me into the gloomy room. I didn’t want to be there. The smoke hurt my eyes and there were many shadows in the room. There was a strong feeling of fear and anger surrounding me and everything in the room. Shadows shuffled in and out all the time. The sound of chanting left a buzzing sound in my ears and gave me a headache. I was very tired and there was no one to talk to. Was that my brother crying?

Whispers, whispers …. “poor child” ….. “does she know …. dying …. long and painful journey”. Footsteps on the wooden floor, long robes swishing around the door corner, and the monotonous chanting which went on and on and on …. I went to the dimly lighted corner and hid there. The dim light fell on my hands and I played with making shadows with my fingers. No one could see me. No one wanted to see me.

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