The Reluctant Human

On the CRD - a young man in his twenties; place of address where death occurred: ground floor of a condo; Disease or condition leading to death: multiple injuries.

It definitely read like a case of suicide, though perhaps he was beaten up by a gang or something? Nevertheless at the end of it all, it was just a piece of paper.

What drives a person to suicide? Feelings of utter dispair; feelings of utter meaninglessness in life; feelings of utter boredom; feelings of utter stress; feelings of utter uselessness; feelings of utter loneliness ... and the list go on.

Many years ago, my friend told me that if I jumped, he'll visit my funeral gladly and he only need to give me a measly $2 for the funeral. Say, compare to a few years thence if I were ever to have a wedding dinner, he'll have to fork out more money. heh. Hmm, he'd better give me a huge red package when I have my wedding dinner (if I'm going to, that is).

Anyway, I think I'm just ever too curious to know what is going to happen tomorrow. It's rather mind-boggling to understand why people would want to kill themselves. What happened to the instinct for survival where every living creature should have? It is probably due to some chemical imbalances in the system. Perhaps some drugs might help in restoring sanity, and thus may help the person to cope slightly better. Perhaps the extreme feelings may go away, leaving you easier to cope with the everyday.

Then again, our lives are our own. Why is one not allowed to die? Dying is so cheap. After a while, you would also fade from other people's memories. Perhaps it's better to be a cat or dog, where life everyday is simply waiting for when the food is coming or when my mistress is coming home to play with me; aside from that, you would be spending your time sleeping throughout the day or just watching that lizard on the wall and wondering if you can pounce on the lizard faster than it can hide. Or looking at the sparrow on the grass and thinking how fun it'll be to have it in your claws at your mercy .. muahahaha.

I'm not writing my thoughts on the reluctant human very well, since I'd just had my sugar fix. Yeah, sugar fix ... no, not chocolates ... but pure undulated sugar. Lots of sugar sprinkled liberally on the bread, topped up with melted cheese and rich creamy butter, finished off by dipping into a bowl of more sugar and feeling it go crunch crunch in your mouth ... mmmmhhh .... :) Perhaps eating sugar like that will help drive depression away?

About three years ago, we had a suicide back at work. The kid was only 12/13 years old. During the postmotem, there was guilt, sadness, puzzlement. He was a bright kid with a bright future. Had friends, family and support. But something went seriously wrong somewhere and he fell to his death. People are all dying everywhere, every minute and every day. There are those who did not wish to die, but were killed. There are those who chose to do so because they just could not go on anymore. Frankly speaking I don't care. The world doesn't care. No one cares. The faster you come to that conclusion, the less expectations you have on the world. The world does not revolve around you. You are given a life in this world in this time. Whatever you make of it only concerns yourself. You can be like a sea cucumber in the ocean, just a spineless creature sitting in the sea-bed waiting for a fisherman to catch you and serve up to his family; or you can be a turtle flying in the skies exploring new territories, and doing all sorts of summersaults and flying stunts. Flying turtles bring back nice memories. I once wrote a story on flying turtles ... sent it to a friend ... but now dunno where it is. *sigh*

Don't be ... a reluctant human.