Reading other people's blogs ...

There are many different types of blogs one reads. There are those which felt happy, superficial, skirting through the waves, riding on the wind; emotions - happy, anger, honest ... their blogs are breezy, touches on here, now, short. There are those who describe very well their day, events that impacted them, steep with feelings, thoughts; emotions - deep, unyielding, sometimes un-understandable. Then there are those who wrote in dispair, blaming themselves, wallowing, depression; emotions - confused, mixed, unhappy. There are many different styles of writing, each beautiful in their own way, each mysterious and impressive in their own rights. I wouldn't want to critisize or be judgemental. To each his/her own.

But depressed writings affect me still. There's a feeling of dread deep down in my gut when I read them. It reminded me once of how I felt, of nightmares and things unknown which reaches out their fingers around your neck to squeeze. Deep within ourselves, we all have a hidden something kept locked away. If left unchecked, perhaps it will well out and overwhelm our normal selves. Be it the evilness you have, or the cruel streak in you, or simply depression which may cause dispair, desolation and finally destruction.

Once a long time ago, I was also entrapped by such feelings. The feeling of dispair, emptiness, meaningless, doom ... It was overwhelming, and thoughts swirled round and round in my head, while I stared at the ceiling all day or sat on the window ledge feeling listless, moody and useless. There was no one to talk to, nor an outlet like blogging for me. And it went on, tears every night and using up all energy to face another day. I only snapped out of it when my Grandfather passed away, and I realised that my life is in my own hands, and no one can make me happy. I simply decided to do things instead of waste more of my time and life. Took up driving lessons, yoga, violin, called friends whom I've not spoke to for years, kept myself busy with the things I wanted to do to drive the ghosts of misery away. Being happy simply to exist, to be here. Be thankful that I am still young and healthy. Took control of my life of what I want. Instead of spiralling into the deep negative black hole.

And it worked. :) I bubble with joy and happiness almost everyday. Look forward to the day most of the time, though not when I have an extremely busy day. ;P I am happy and am able to share my happiness with people I love. To be happy, one must have the will to want to be happy. Perhaps some people enjoy being unhappy because that is the only thing they know. Or it is a safe choice where they will not be hurt further. Or they do not know that happiness must come from within, not from people around them. You cannot rely your happiness on someone else! You cannot be happy only because there is someone who loves you. To be happy, it must come within the core of your self, and only then can you reach out and love others, which leads to others loving you. It all starts from yourself. Take control of your life. Be mindful of what you really want. And just do it. Do not let external circumstances dictate your life. Change your mindset! If something doesn't turn out the way you want, look for another alternative way perhaps? *arrgh, I sound like a cliche* :P

I knew a person who was somewhat like someone I read on the blog. Well, it happened a long time ago. She was writing suicidal letters to us, focusing on all her faults and emphasising on her unhappiness. Perhaps it might simply be better to end it off. We tried, from being encouraging to being blunt, to make her see that she wasn't the way she saw herself. At the end of it all, I realised that whatever we say didn't matter. She didn't need us to be truthful, she just needed us to be there for her to listen. I don't know how much I had helped, or if I had made it worse. Eventually she grew out of it, and I hope she has found happiness for herself. Even now, I still don't know if she's happy or perhaps she is simply existing. I still regard her as a good friend, and I hope she does too. I can be very blunt and now sometimes I'm afrad of saying the wrong things. So best just keep my mouth shut. No one likes to listen to advice. :)

To that person on the blog, I wish him all the best and hopes that he recognises that he actually has a lot of friends who are concerned about him. No one can help him step out of his own misery. Only if he wants to then will it work.