Domestic Fowl Up

No chickens and no eggs!

It's getting into me. Two of my favourite dishes. Eggs were selling at the Wet Market 10 for $5! Mom refused to get them. Yeah, I guess it's kinda expensive. There's nothing much to eat nowadays too, except fish, fish and more fish. I have nothing against fish, mind you ... I quite like fish, especially the cod fish and other white fish, and I love sashimi, but if it's fish everyday ... hey, I'm not a seagull! :P

Maybe I should buy some beef and stir fry with spring onions. At least hubby will like that!

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I don't quite understand why there is a need to kill all chickens when they have the bird flu. Or ban chickens and eggs too. I mean, people get flu too, we don't do genocide, do we? If we keep killing chickens when they come down with flu, then the chickens will never get to strengthen their antibodies, and will be more susceptible. I guess they're afraid that the flu get pass to humans, but the last major flu epidemic was in 1918 (?) ... damn, we are due for another flu epidemic soon anyway. *sigh* We're just killing everything to ensure our own survival.

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Checklist

Trip To Vietnam
- borrowed books on V. (checked)
- changed money. (not done, and better not do it last minute!)
- ... err, what else to do? I'm so ... awfully bad at planning or organising. Sheesh.

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Talk about obsession and addiction. Was glued to the computer screen from 0800h to 2200h(?) yesterday watching Hunter X Hunter. Threw all my resolutions out of the window and didn't even go for yoga! HxH was very very nice!!! :) Heh heh ... very very nice ... more after this. :P

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I always don't quite like this time of the year. I don't like celebrations, especially if it includes lots of people. I just feel very out of it. And they want to have a concert! Gee ... boring. I'd rather have a half day and sleep! Shessh, I hope they don't give me sweets. :P I never really like sweets though I'm always giving them that. heh. They gave me sweets once, those kind tied up nicely to look like flowers. I didn't eat them ... kept them decorative for almost a year and decided it's not wise to eat them anymore. DUH. Gee, I hope they don't give me anything ... I'll probably have to give them away or eventually throw them away. :( I only keep the cards actually. Whole boxful of them. :)

Anyway, I don't feel like going to work tomorrow. Hmm, does one get fever from flu jabs? ;P

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Back to HxH ...

Wind in the ears.

Today we went blading at East Coast with PM.

:)

PM was, as usual, late ... for almost an hour. I'm again reminded why it is that I seldom go out with her. She doesn't carry a watch, nor a handphone ... only a darn pager, which sometimes ran out of batteries. Shessh ... that woman can really drive me nuts sometimes. But all well's that end well. heh ... I suspected that she'll be late anyway, so I arrived about 20 minutes late (shhh, don't tell her!), and I panicked when I couldn't find her! heh heh.

Was watching Hunter X Hunter ... was very tempted not to go out. :P

So anyway, me, hubby and PM went blading. Blading is really fun! Surprisingly, there weren't many people today at EC. Think most of the people were stuck at some fair going on at City Hall. Hmmm, wondered what that was all about. It was so bloody crowded there! I was really feeling claustophobic!

So back to blading. I had not done so for more than a year ... this is like our once in a year thingy. ;P Hubby was good! Though sometimes he looked like scarecrow on wheels with his flinging arms. heh :) PM and I were ... sad to say, still like beginners, we were terrified to go over humps, and there were a lot of humps around! It's like ... once I managed to get across, I will stand across the hump, stretched out my hands ... and she'll stretched out hers, over the huge chasm, with great difficulty, both of us reached out, fingers almost touching ... a bit closer! a bit closer! Hubby holding me tightly at one end, I, stretching a bit more, a bit more ... ha! finally! And we drag her over to safety! Whew! Tough work sia! Serious. I'm not exaggerating!

:P

But after about five minutes, I'm glad to say, I've found my knees, or legs or whatever ... and managed to blade fast! With the wind in my ears! How beautiful it was! :) I fell a couple of times, with compliments from PM ... heh, but no bad falls there. Definitely less than her. I think she fell on her bum painfully a couple of times. heh heh. The moon was very very bright and round tonight. It was definitely a lovely time for blading.

And I was going mightily fast towards the end. We were all pretty good at the end. Must try again soon! Wheeee! So nice to feel the wind whistling past the face, singing over the ears ... that's life.

:)

Hubby's blades broke. Gotta buy him a new pair soon.

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Captain Bezu Fache carried himself like an angry ox, with his wide shoulders thrown back and his chin tucked hard into his chest. His dark hair was slicked back with oil, accentuating an arrow-like widow's peak that divided his jutting brow and preceded him like the prow of a battleship. As he advanced, his dark eyes seemed to scorch the earth before him, radiating a fiery clarity that forecast his reputation for unblinking severity in all matters.

From Dan Brown, Da Vinci Code.

Oh bloody ... I think I don't like this book very much now. What's with this long winded tongue-twisting, super exaggerated description? Shessh ... it's soo ... boring and ... corny. Yikes. Give me Agatha Christie or ...whathisname, erm ... Colin Forbes, or Ian Rankin or Minette Walters anytime. I think he tried too hard. Darn, perhaps I should have just borrowed from them. Hmm ...

Maybe I'm just too critical. I'm still in the Agatha Christie mood. :)

Backseat driver

I so ... utterly dislike backseat drivers. You know, those kind who sit at the back in the car and give all kinds of comments on your driving, what you have to do, instructions etc. This morning, my father almost drove me up the tree, with all his comments. Plus I was in a rather bad mood so it was simply ultra bad. My parents-in-law are just as bad too. Only mom doesn't do that for she knew how scary it can be to drive. And good thing hubby doesn't do that to me, cos he had been a victim of backseat drivers too. No wonder my younger bro crashed the car once, driving with father ... haha. I was so irritated, I sped all the way home. Not very safe at all. I too, felt like crashing the car into something.

Grrrr ...

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I just remembered that I ought to get my flu shots before we travel for V, but I think hubby has forgotten ... and it's less than a week away by tomorrow. Hmm ... I suppose by the time he reads this and remembers, it's too late, right dear? :) Really, I do hate needles. The thought of sticking a needle into flesh makes me feel sick. I doubt we will go near any chickens. :P

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Tick Tock Little Clock

The slight feeling of guilt from going home early, translate itself into those piles of work lugged home in the bag, to be dumpped onto the floor, collecting dust and cobwebs and eventually returning to its place of origin, untouched.

Damn. It sure was heavy!

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From my dear :)

On dying
First off, I am not depressed nor trying to be morbid.... perhaps just more contemplative than usual.

Dr Kubler-Ross has died. She of the 5 stages of grief fame (if you don't already know, and must know: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance). I learnt of her passing on in an article obtained through the google news aggregator.

Something attributed to Dr Kubler-Ross set me thinking. Now, I haven't got the original words (and I did not manage to find the article). But what she said (and I paraphrase) was that only by accepting death as part of life can one truly live.

Do we really accept death as part of our lives? Or do we merely have a intellectual (for want of a better word) understanding of death? For instance, a mere intellectual understanding would be to accept for instance that sun is 332,830 more massive than the earth. You may understand it, but do you KNOW it for a fact? An instance of a fact like, if you were to cut yourself, that you will definitely bleed.

Or rather do we bustle about our daily lives, planning for this and that. Never daring, always procrastinating to factor in death into our precious plans and ideals.

What it all comes to, is this...... MEANING.

If all of us were to really accept death as an inevitable and perfectly normal end-point, I guess all of us would really work the hell hard to make sure that there is MEANING and PURPOSE to the interim period that we all have.

I don't mean to say all of us have to be the next Mother Theresa, or Warren Buffett or win an Olympic gold medal. Just make sure that when it is your time to go, you can say "I have made of it the best I could, focussed on things that are truly important in life. I am ready to go."

What more important things are there in life other than relationships? With God, with family, with friends and people around us.

The enormity of it.... that if you can accept death as natural and inevitable. And from there, plan and live your life by concentrating on what is truly important, you can have serenity in your lives instead of constant striving and stress.

(By the way, I don't think I have the whole answer to this meaning-of-life and how-to-live-it thing yet. But I think this is one part of the answer.

And I am working on it.)

Dear me ... he's hatching blogs after blogs like nothing ... heh heh.

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An absolute truth is that everyone will die.

I don't think I would mind very much, this dying business. After all, if there's no death, then what is life? There must be room to make way for the new stuffs and the living. I don't see what's so frightening about dying. It is definitely sad if someone close to you passes away ... but dying is part of life's experiences. The living still breathes.

Hence said, I would like to die after living a life with my love ones. To spend my living moments with hubby whom I love, work hard and enjoy myself and be happy. I think when I die, I would be a little regretful ... not that there are regrets about the life I had, but because I would not know what happened next. Curious ... you know, just curious to know what's going to happen next. Like, are we going back to the moon or are there aliens in space? Will we teraform Mars and stay there when Earth gets over-populated or shall we build buildings in the sea? :P

Living is perhaps like a story. A death would indicate the end of the story. How one makes up the story depends on what one wants. Maybe doing yoga teaches me to let go. I'm not sure if I believe in all these life after death thingy, afterlife etc. Perhaps when I get there, I'll know. All I want now is to be with my dear hubby and spend our moments together, and growing old together and being happy together.

I'm rather boring ... and mundane. :P

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So ... why would I want to know when I'll die? That's rather a silly piece of knowledge, because it doesn't give one power over things. Inversely, it makes one powerless ... because that knowledge can be crippling. Hmm ... I've not thought over this carefully yet.

So we come to the age old arguement argument arguement ... (damn, is there an auto spellcheck in here? My spelling is attrocious!) whether to tell a patient that he has so and so many months to live. I've been thinking about this :P

In my very humble opinion, telling a person that he/she has say ... for example, lung cancer is a truth. After that, if the doctor were to tell him that he has so many months to live ... is actually not a truth. It is the opinion of the medical personal, the opinion obtained by statistical results based on many other cases before the person in question and from experience with the type of disease in particular. So telling a person he has only such many months to live is not a truth. It's just an educated opinion.

So I should think one is not obliged to make such an opinion. Since it is not a truth. If they really want to know ... perhaps a better answer would be .. yeah, you're dying (since everyone is dying anyway ... my cells are dying all the time. heh), or you could go into a lecture on statistics and data blah blah blah.

*bleah*

Okie, if I'm old and I become senile, I would like to have the choice of having a peaceful and dignified death instead of being a burden to other people since my mind is already gone. If I've lived a good many years and I'm suffering from some painful illness, I would like to be able to die and not be stuck to tubes and all that stuffs. What's the point of living till so old? Besides being curious about what's happening next. A good book, no matter how interesting or how enjoyable it is, when it comes to the end, you still have to close the book and keep it. There's no point lingering over it, wishing that the author will write a sequel, or hating the author for not continuing the story. All good things must come to an end. And they'll become memories, happy, sad, wistful, ... memories left in the morning mist for the loved ones.

Maybe we should be allowed to put something like that in the will before the mind goes.

But for a young one who wishes to commit suicide just because ... hmmm. That's still rather tricky. Or for an infant who was born disabled ... I don't think one should be allowed to make the choices for another living person, so perhaps just wait and see what happens next.

And finally there are those who are snatched from us so suddenly ... that's really tragic. We can only be resiliant.

Too much thoughts today. Shall kiv those last bits then.

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I have just finished reading Agatha Christie's Sleeping Muder. Half way through the book, it struck me that I must have read the book before, because a. the story was horribly familiar; and b. I knew who the murderer was! Shucks ... are there any Agatha Christie's books which I have not read?

:(

Next book: Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code. Seems like quite a popular book these days. And no, I didn't borrow if from my students after all ... aiyah, too paiseh to ask lah. heh.

Power Lines

Thanks razz, I'm usually only angry for a short while, and usually after a few hours or so, I'm back to normal. As normal as I can be, that is ...

*maniacal grin*

:)

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Anyway, on the way home, I was as usual thinking to myself.

Power.

Err .. not as in a power grid.

But power, in a person. What is power all about?

Power. Is the ability to manipulate people and control them. To do things to your liking. People who enjoy power like to control and manipulate others. In which case, they do not want their subordinates to be too much of a thinker and argue with you all the time. See, it's better to control happy sheeps right? Rather than the wisp of a wind which you cannot even grasp in your hands. Do what you are told. Now why are we wondering us people here cannot think for ourselves? They're just too afraid we'll break up in spots ... and destroy the 'big picture' which they've been trying very hard to cultivate. Virus multiply very fast.

Power. The ego booster which one craves for. So that others come before you and fall to their knees. Knowledge and money leads to power. With that, you are at the top of the food chain and you spread the web to enslave the minds of the uninitiates.

Manipulation. Some may say brainwashing.

Ohhh ... I just love to have power. :)

All of us are manipulators someway or another. You can drip sugar and sincerity and others may agree and help you and thus you achieve your goals. Or you can manipulate them by your sheer charisma or forceful will and get them trembling in their pants. Or perhaps you give them what they want, and enslave them to their desires, thus taking away their free choice and they'll follow you eventually. Insidious, obvious, subtle, naked ... that's what survival is all about isn't it? Manipulating the circumstances so that you survive.

Survival of the fittest.

I would like to be powerful.

*dreams*

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And now, let me write about my favourite theory.

Truth.

Absolute truths as opposed to relative truths.

Absolute truths are facts that are based on experimental results. We define the parameters and thus the truths are borned out of them. Such as the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West. We defined rising of the Sun to be in the east and setting in the West. So saying, another absolute truth is the moon rises in the west and sets in the east.

*laughs*

That's the only absolute truth I can think of right now. Oh, here's one more: We define the melting of ice to be at zero degree celsius, and the boiling of water at one hundred degree celsius at room temperature and atmosphere. So we came out with the temperature scale. :P

Relative truths.

I see a red shirt. Light falls on the shirt and reflects the wavelength of a frequency we correspond to the colour red. The cones and whatnots in my system interprets it as 'red' and I see a red shirt. So a person who is colour blind doesn't see that shirt as red. To that person, what he sees is his truth. And to me, what I see is my truth. Therefore I call this relative truths. Each sees the truth in his/her/its own ways.

I'm not putting this down coherently. Damn. I think I've read an article before regarding this, a very well written and thought provoking one (or did I?) ... which I've forgotten. Was it the one on Einstein's Theory of Relativity? I liked that one very much too.

Hmmm ...

Okie, to expound on my theory, most truths are relative. So what's the big deal about it? Power is more important. *high-pitched giggle* I never find it hard to tell a white lie when necessary. *derisive laughter*

Hmmm ...

But love transcends it all. It is not a truth. It is simply irrational. Undefined. And it overcomes power. And or things great and mighty. A simple thing which is too complex to understand.

...

Gee ... I think I could write a story base on these line of thoughts. heh ... if I could be motivated enough. Sounds very fantastic.

Anyway ...

Back to earth, or rather ... to armchair. :P

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Interesting quotes from Agatha Christie, Towards Zero.

"Why shouldn't I kill myself if I want to?" he demanded.
She replied to that quite seriously.
"Because it's wrong."
"Why is it wrong?"
...
"You don't understand. God may need you."
...
"It may be just that by being somewhere - not doing anything - just by being at a certain place at a certain time - oh, I can't say what I mean, but you might just - just walk along a street some day and just by doing that accomplish something terribly important - perhaps even without knowing what it was."

He paused and gently beat a delicate tattoo on his knee.
"I like a good detective story," he said. "But, you know, they begin in the wrong place! They begin with the murder. But murder is the end. The story beings long before that - years before sometimes - with all the causes and events that bring certain people to a certain place at a certain time on a certain day. ..."

She never creased to amaze. This is probably the third time I'm reading her books. I am as ever, very impressed and amazed.

:)

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I had another of those strange 'story' dreams last night. I dream of a story - a mix between exciting terrorist plot plus naruto-ish. Heh ... must be all the stuffs I've been watching. The evil guy hang himself from the top of the concert hall, threatening to blow everyone to pieces ... and the hero jumped on him quickly and they crashed to the floor, only to realised that it was a dummy! (He did the swap body technique, see.) Quick! To the exits! The mask man is escaping with the treasures and the bomb is still ticking away. Evacuate everyone first, you fool! And we'll never find the charming villian again. So thus I woke ... :)

Exciting no? ;)

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I think feminine means, in a way, being gentle, alluring, attractive, (I quote from hubby's blog of words:) beautiful, pretty, attractive, sexy, radiant, alluring, seductive, loveable, kirei ...

heh

And I have to agree it is indeed the way she does things, rather than the things she do.

Ah well ...

I would like to be all powerful and ignore the whole world and live in the mountains with nice turtle-like clouds, cool fresh air ... and control the whole world with just a push of a button.

*bleah*

Good Riddance

I was so fuming angry just now. I swear that if looks could kill, I would have felled a few bodies then and there. breathe in ... breathe out. I cannot suffer fools gladly. I cannot stand stupidity. Err .. not in them kids, but in my fellow plebeians. It was already 3pm, I had not had my lunch, and there I was, waiting for some idiots who simply have to stick with protocols (to hell with them) and waste everybody's time. Come on ... have some trust in us. We aren't stupid nor inexperienced. Why made us go through it again just because you had no self-confidence? I really really was hopping mad. And to top it all, we had to breathe in the evil fumes of rat poison in the room.

grrrrr ....

And guess what, at the end of waiting 45 minutes, the stupid bloody thing didn't work.

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I stompped off in mid-word, with a face as black as thunder. They were still trying to convince themselves, even after I showed them that I knew how to use it, and that it won't work right now. I believed I might have made a few more enemies that day. My temper would be my downfall, but I was really hungry ... and I really hated to be treated as a normal tech idiot who has to have things repeated over and over again. Besides I wanted to rush home and prepare dinner for hubby. Ohh ... just thinking of it makes me angry even now.

grrrrr ....

I am impatient, hot-headed and more intelligent than many of the plebeians in the office. Give me a gadget and I can usually get it working in a few minutes. I didn't have to go through computer classes to learn to use the word processers. So what if one of the smart alecks went for excel course and could do some powerful formatting techniques, in which he refused to share with the rest of us and when asked to do a certain task refused to do it, which made me so pissed off, I actually (damn) volunteered to do it and managed to get what I wanted, asking only a couple of questions from a friend. Hmm ... :) Gee ... do I sound swell-headed or what? heh heh. Give me something interesting, and I'll open it apart and find out how it works. That's what I kinda like doing, if I'm interested. I mastered the use of the scanner and program at work without help, while others are still asking me for help, which I gave gladly (and thus she owed me numerous treats :P), and figured how to do the numerous IT programs set to befuddle the most IT-savvy people.

*sigh*

Time to go ... I'm just mad ...

And as this is my blog. I dislike those people.

Give me back my dear cat.

Some people are fools.

Fiddle feeble fo fume

We caught the Bourne Supremacy tonight. Not bad ... not bad at all, only the jerky camera bits were rather nauseating.

I was very sure I've never caught the first movie before, the Bourne Identity. But just now when I was reading through the synosis of the Bourne Identity ... something familiar struck me. Hmmm ... maybe I've watched it before after all, or at least ... read the book before? Darn, cannot remember.

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fee fi fo fum

I am so tired. I woke up this morning feeling twenty years older. Now I understand what it feels like to be tired to the bone, right down to the soles of the feet. That was what it felt like last night after yoga. I couldn't even walk straight. Woke up at five and went crashing into the door. heh. The course is coming to an end, do I still want to continue?

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My class has gotten into the finals for the cheering competition. To get them to be more united and practise together, I've promised them that I'll treat them to pizza if they win a prize. Shucks. Sometimes I do say the damnest things. I'm not sure yet if I'll stay today and watch them ... but I do hope they'll win. :) Maybe I'll get them sweets and chocolates instead. *bleah* heh .. like they'll forget.

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I need to eat less.

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I'm a grouch today. So every single little thing irked me. Why is there a need to give me a copy of the email on paper when I can read it online? Isn't it like ... wasting paper? DUH. Sometimes people are totally brainless. *rolls eyes*

I'm grouchy today too because of other certain things. You see, people will try to make your life miserable just because. Some people are just damn fished. I just feel like I'm being targetted. *sigh* .. Oh well, to hell with all of them. I don't care don't care don't care.

Frivolities continued

The reduction of syllabus is a joke. There is much more homework in fact. Because the extra time is used to ensure that students learn to craft better answers, and the way to acheive this is not to teach them to think, but to make them practise mindlessly, papers after papers, so that they can regurgitate everything at the important time.

Why else is there remedials after remedials, mock tests and timed practices? We have remedials everyday of the week. Monday - Maths, Tuesday - Sciences, Wednesday - Humanities, Thursday - English, Friday - Mother Tongue. One would think the normal school hours is not enough for studying, or that students do not study during that time, in which case, why have lessons got to start so early? We aren't talking about private tuitions outside the school yet.

Are all these for the benefit of the child, or so that the institution looks good at the end of the year when the ranking results are shown nationwide?

What is the purpose of ranking? Is it a useful benchmark for parents and students to choose a good school to go to? What is the purpose of sem? Is it to ensure that teachers are doing their job properly and that tax-payers money is well-spent? There's no trust in the system, only results matters. It's a dog-eat-dog-world out here. The teachers and school will look good if the kids do well. And they'll get monetary rewards.

Hmmm ...

We get rid of the CCA if it doesn't allow students to win awards which translate into points for them to score another A for entry to the higher institution. Yes, we are damn pragmatic.

Hmmm ...

Five days work week? Won't they start complaining that the kids don't have anything to do during the weekends and they'll start hanging around shopping malls and wasting their time? Then will that translate to enrichment programmes during the weekends? Or volunteer work? Or ... ? I'm curious to see what they'll come up with. *grins* ... Oh ... and one wonders if the public will start complaining even more furiously that we are too over-paid.

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My back ache, my neck ache ... and my shoulder ache. I need a massage soon, perhaps doing yoga three times weekly isn't such a good idea after all! :P

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The three B's stands for Bach, Beethoven and Brahms ... I've never won a pair of free tickets before .. damn, where's the contest again?

Hubby says the three B's stands for breasts, bums and balls.

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I'm hungry. I have to stop thinking of food every hour, every minute. All this yoga is going to waste if I keep eating and eating. Arrgh. :P

...

I just had my lunch. Leftover fried rice from last night dinner at my favourite place. yum yum ... but I'm still thinking of food. I think I will ... :) heh heh.

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I cannot believe that someone my age who has gone through the same education system as I does not know how to copy files from a disk to the hard drive. *bleah*

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Oh rats ...

Did you hear the pitter patter of little feet as they scampered across the false ceiling? Or were they silently sneaking across the boards chewing on the cables and whatnots? Perhaps they may soon cause a little short circuit and create a big fire. Oh, I wish! Maybe at night they'll come out to play, feasting on the cookies and sweets left behind, and running through the papers, stealing some for the nests.

Did I hear you say we are infested? But it's only eight which we've caught (and killed) within two months. Oh, make that nine, including the poor little one which got stuck on the sticky trap left for them, whacked by a brave fellow, and paraded all the way to the P's office this morning. Shhhh ... it's actually a taboo subject, you know, for no one is to know that we keep pets here. We are not infested. There are no little ones running loose and making a playground in the shadows. Oh nooo ... it's just for fun and laughter, peace and joy.

Tell me about it, I've quite lost my appetite. The poor little one got its butt smashed in.

:)

Frivolities

Ragnarok, the animation, really has a crappy storyline ... so why am I still watching it? *bemused*

Shikamaru (self-confessed lazy bum) in Naruto:
I just wanted to do this ninja thing normally, get paid normally, get married with a woman neither ugly nor beautiful, and have two children. The first one would be a girl, and the next would be a boy. I would retire from my ninja job after my daughter gets married, and my son gets a job. Then I would play shogi and go during the boring days and live free from worldy cares. Then I would die from old age before my wife. That's the kind of life I wanted.
upon volunteering to stop eight evil ninjas and has just frozen them with his shadow technique which is going off in a few minutes or so. *amused*

Yoga today was excellent. I have a very nice ache everywhere right now. :) Mmm ... feels good. Perhaps one day I shall too go to India, and see the mountains there.

A few years ago, grandma was down with complications from uti. Standard procedure was dnar of course, my friend told me. Of course the relatives weren't too pleased. But it was all right since grandma has a very strong heart and she survived it all ... leaving only a mind completely gone. She doesn't recognise anyone or anything or herself, cannot feed herself nor able to move properly and is completely dependent. We cannot leave her alone too. She is actually pretty strong too, which makes it harder. One sometimes wonder ... what is compassion?

Mom's birthday tomorrow. :) Bringing her out for a hair-do and a nice dinner. That's all I can do.

Talking to self ...

Now that I have more time on a Sunday, I must!! I must!! make use of this extra time properly! Always I waste it, again ... heh. I shall put this down on my blog so that there'll be no excuses and it's a reminder for myself.

a. I shall practise an hour on the piano every morning after seeing hubby off to work. b. after which I shall go for yoga. There ... it isn't overly ambitious, is it? Will think of other things to do then.

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Hubby said he saw someone riding on a motorbike carrying a carrier strapped to his front, with a cute little dog in it! So cute! But gee ... isn't it sort of dangerous? Too bad, he was trying to juggle his palm to snap a pic, his handphone since I happened to call at the same time, and the steering wheel ... duh, so he didn't manage to get a pic for me.

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Doing yoga certainly makes me feel more generous in my outlook with life. I feel more relaxed and less stressed right now. Just this morning, I was feeling rather crotchety and had some nasty thoughts. Heh ... they're rather offensive in a way ... hmmm.

They're really offensive, but hey ... this is my blog right? And these were my nasty thoughts, though I don't really feel that way anymore. Strange how the mind works.

Reading this other person's blog about wanting to die and not finding love again, and asking how to die ... I was very very much tempted to comment there that no one is stopping him from jumping in front of an incoming train. In fact, lately this had happened twice already, whether by accident or by design. And if that person is really serious, he could think about following them. At the end of the day, it'll just be another side-news, another statistic ... and people will soon forget about it. This world is like that, no one really cares about what happened to you. Your own life is in your hands, and we're all just nothing! Only you can make yourself to be something.

That was really a nasty thought wasn't it? Ah well ... let me get it out of my system.

Next nasty thought of the morning: (strange how one's mind becomes nasty sometimes)
I was quite tired to read hewhowritesprettywell's blog ... another boring article of an idealistic system. I shout: It's not practical at all! Horrors! There's no room for dreams to happen in this society we have created! Parents want the best for their children, and they do not want to see them struggle through life like what they have endured, don't they? Hasn't it always been like this for the loving doting parents? (if they are like that, and if they aren't, what then?) And do you know how exactly it is like in schools? We chase papers! O level certs, A level certs, dip certs, degree certs, certificates of awards etc ... so that you can end up with a good job at a desk, from 8-6 everyday like a zombie, support your family, pay the taxes and contribute to the national reserves, and use your cpf for your old age so that you won't be a burden to the society. Oh and don't fall ill. Stay healthy. Oh horrors! No one of any sense wants to be a cleaner, or a construction worker ... or whatever. You must get good grades otherwise the school will not get its awards. We don't want you to think or ask too many questions ... just do it this way, practise the ten-year-series and you'll get your As. I wonder what it was all for. Are we willing to take the risk and gamble upon you winning in the olympics and make a name for yourself? Mediocre vs meritocracy. Which wins?

A person who thinks: which is better? To strike out alone on an unknown path or to tread the familiar well-known path? To be safe or sorry? To argue and uphold one's dreams and visions, or to follow the one who holds the winning ticket? Must one be pragmatic? Can one afford not to be pragmatic? I remembered I read an article by someone who wrote that he was willing to give up his studies and become a professional chess player, and his mentor actually said ... actually told him that playing chess only will not feed him. (or to that extent!) Of course that made him think twice and he decided to continue his studies (and chess as a hobby).

What dreams do we have? I looked at them and wonder. Day after day they are bombarded with more knowledge. To stretch their creativity, we say. To give them more choices, we decided. Forward to a better future. They don't have much of a choice, do they? Life is too good and passion doesn't exist without hardships. There's always a backup plan, and you don't need to go hungry. You don't have to fear being a failure ... for isn't it what it is all about? Failure. Failure. Failure ... Can one live with that?

For at the end of the day, money talks. If you're rich and need not struggle to get your next meal ... you sure as hell can dream.

But perhaps it isn't all that bad after all. There are people who chases their dreams and reap its rewards. Not necessarily monetary, but good enough for them. They are able to withstand real hardships and have lived through suffering. I can only look on ...

... for I sure as hell don't have a dream, nor even had one before.

But I'm happy. Very happy, most of the time. :)

*****
From my hubby's blog ... I quote:

What is our common destination? Oblivion or paradise vs. hell?

If we live each day with the realisation that life is only transient, I guess it would be a given that we would live it differently.

Why do we strive so hard everyday.... for more money, more power, more status? We cannot bring it with us when we go.

Is it because we crave the approval, or even the adulation of our fellow men?

To what end?

Where is the sense of self-worth? the self-esteem? Need we obtain it from the approval of society at large? I guess the answer for the majority of all people must be in the positive.

Are we then striving for the insubstantial and inconsequential?

And yet if this need for approval does not underpin out strivings? What will? What can? What will drag us out of our warm beds at the start of each day?

I have many questions for which I have no answers for.

Yet I know that if I were to have only one more month to live, I would stop all the striving for the insubstantial and inconsequential. I would spend time with family and friends (perhaps travel a bit to see more of this world and it wonders).

To strive is to live in the future. "If I work this hard, I can enjoy myself this much 5, 10, 15 years later". It ignores the present for the ephemeral future. The now, the present, what we can grasp in our hands this instant for the wispy, uncertain future which we hope for but for which we cannot bank on. What I mean is this: we are all alive this instant (I know if you can read this, you ARE), but who is to say we would still be alive at any point in the future?

Perhaps the source of approval for which we base our strivings is inappropriate. Perhaps we should accept that in any case, there is no need to seek approval from the appropriate Source.

All we need to do is to accept Love that is freely offered to us, that we do not deserve. If we were to do so, we are also accepted (reference: the acceptance that we crave for) and justified.

Perhaps that is the answer to all these questions.

Carpe diem

I cannot think anymore, and I don't want to think too much either. For now, I shall just exist ... completely self-centered, caring only for people I love ... till the day I pass.

Does it really matter after all? We live our own lifes ... the choice has always been in our hands.

*****

New Interest

New anime ... which is interesting. :) Samurai Seven! Promising ... much nicer than Hunter X Hunter ... though I might watch it some day soon. Naruto isn't very nice now, and is extremely slow. I think the kick has worn off ... time to look for new stuffs. :)

On a side note, it's nice not to have to work on Sunday. :)

Hmm ... not much info about Samurai Seven though ... still too new.

OHmygawd~

I thot I thaw ... in google newsth ... ministher mentorsth lee ...

*rolls eyes* what'sth nexth? :P

*****
Back to earth ...

I can never resist food.

I wanted not to eat breakfast this morning.

After driving little bro to the uni and parents to the market, I simply really cannot resist eating my favourite mee pok (chilli) ... the only stall i will ever eat mee pok cos' the fishball mee pok is the best :P been eating there since i was a kid too. heh. the guy gave me extra pork lard. heh heh. extreme sin.

At least I did jog a little this morning. Not sure why, but my legs get itchy when I start running. :( Can't seem to find an explanation for that. Perhaps it's all the release of the histamine.

nice day today ... back to bed. :)

Bon Appetit

Tonight I ate three dinners.

1. Dinner at home because I was too hungry and it was raining, and I didn't really had lunch, and mom prepared dinner already ...
2. The actual dinner was supposed to be at 9pm. So we had drinks. I must say the hot chocolate at Four Seasons rock. Super smooth ... and rich ... mmmmm :) I wonder if Godiva cocoa is just as good? What chocolate did they use to make it?
3. So we had the dinner ... soup was fantastic! Dessert was great too. I'm now definitely feeling like a bloated whale and I cannot lie down just yet.

Tomorrow morning I shall wake up relatively early and go jogging. Have not been to jog for a long long time. I love jogging. Fresh clean air and the wind in the ears ... :) Only thing must jog before the sun completely comes out. That is ... best before 7.30am. :P

Famous last words if I don't sleep now. :P

*grunt*

I'm definitely feeling like the sleeping wombat right now - fat and round. heh.

An unreachable itch

I can't seem to get started to do any work. There's this restlessness in myself. I'm tired ... have been sleeping only about 4 to 5 hours in the past week. Yet, when I tried to take a nap, I can't rest. I'm trying to do work, but I can't give my fullest attention to it. This is just another day where one doesn't feel like oneself. There's this unexplainable, unscratchable itch somewhere.

Arrgh.

Conciliatory note

This is all rather silly ... and petty. But still ... writing is always easy for me. Ha. The previous one would never have done things like that. That's why I respect her more than this other one.

I dislike hypocrisy and inefficiency.

Ah well, since I'm in a better mood today ... :) Besides I've bought another bag yesterday. heh ... and carrying it today.

Yoga helps too. :-)

Limerick for the Cat

I quote from my dear hubby's blog:

Limerick
meaning: A light humorous, nonsensical, or bawdy verse of five anapestic lines usually with the rhyme scheme aabba. (from dictionary.com)

And I promised to give him an example ... only someone got there before me. *grouch* and wrote a pretty funny limerick for him ...

I quote:

there once was a blogger named mow
who enjoyed a fun word then and now
who should care what they mean
if they look good on-screen
and for all who have seen, take a bow
...by rod

Nevertheless, since I couldn't find the limericks which I used to use in class for Algebra, I've come up with two for the cat. :)

They're not really that silly or funny ... but here goes...

she was black and brown and molted
as cute and cuddly as a poppet
a dear she was
the cat to boss
but now she's gone, heartbreak resulted

:)

And ...

we had an affectionate little cat
who was never good at chasing rat
her paws in the air
belly up then and there
till you scratch her like a little mat

What do you think?

heh heh.

To the memory of our cat. :)

moments

I am feeling depressed. But it's slightly better now. Let's hope that everything will be all right.

*****
I've decided not to write anymore about what happened yesterday. Unhappiness is best left forgotten. There will always be bastards out there, and there will always be crappy days ahead. Suffice to say my eyes are now open slightly wider and my lips and more tightly shut. If I want to say anything next time, I'll blog it down here or let it pass through my head.

Life is just too short to be angry.

And I'm hungry. :P

And I went shopping earlier. heh.

My Bali Trip

Take a short little walk through the photos of my memories of my Balinese trip. Click here.